Who should get the room?

[newhousenewrooms]

I've been lucky enough to inherit a house without having to lose any family members! Me and my partner are moving in soon with our 2 year old daughter and his two children age 8 and 9 will be staying 3 nights a week.

Partner won't be contributing towards any rent/mortgage as it is inherited so only need to pay the bills which we will split.

It's a 3 bedroom house, 2 decent size rooms and a box room. I think that our DD should have one of the decent size rooms as she is there 7 nights a week. DP thinks his children should have the bigger room because there is two of them.

We haven't argued about it as such, he owns his own house but rents it out and it is making me feel like the green eyed monster as it's my house and why should our DD have a smaller room when she lives there permanently? I have spoken to my family and his family and they all agree that it's unfair on DD but I can see his point about there being two of them.

So now I'm stuck on what I actually think!

We are currently living in my two bedroom apartment and when his children stay, me and DP sleep on a blow up bed in the living room and they have our bed.

AIBU?

YANBU to want to things your way. But I reckon that if you go by the amount of space per child it's probably fairly equal if the two older sisters share the bigger room and the youngest has the small one.

And giving your own child the best and your stepchildren the leftovers is a sure-fire way to foster resentment and division.

Op doesn't seem to be coming back but is no one else wondering how can you inherit a hiuse with no one dying? Isn't that what inheritance is....getting something cos someone has died and you are left it.

Child who lives there full time gets the bigger room as it's also their mum's house. Why should she have a small room whilst the older 2 get a big room and their dad doesn't even pay up.

is no one else wondering how can you inherit a hiuse with no one dying? Isn't that what inheritance is....getting something cos someone has died and you are left it.

OP said without losing any family member, but I presume somebody must have died. It could be one of any number of scenarios - she could have been a cleaner/housekeeper/gardener for an elderly person without any family of their own or decades and they preferred to do a very kind thing for their loyal, friendly helper rather than give it to a random charity. You might think "Aw, I'll really miss dear old Mrs Higgins - she was such a wonderful lady" but you won't be devastated as you might if it was your own mum.

My friend inherited a notable amount from a very distant estranged family member - think related via great grandparents!

Huge cheque and someone that was a complete stranger died, had to ask family who the person was!

Why should she have a small room whilst the older 2 get a big room and their dad doesn't even pay up.

The toddler's dad - the same man - doesn't pay up either. It isn't the older girls' fault if their dad isn't paying his fair share for them. It's not like they're individually being given a better room - just a bigger one because there are two of them.

@Sleepingboy

Op doesn't seem to be coming back but is no one else wondering how can you inherit a hiuse with no one dying? Isn't that what inheritance is....getting something cos someone has died and you are left it.

Yes. I asked that question several pages back.

My friend inherited a notable amount from a very distant estranged family member - think related via great grandparents!

Huge cheque and someone that was a complete stranger died, had to ask family who the person was!

Some years back, my DSis and I received letters out of the blue to tell us that we'd each inherited just under £4K from a Great-Aunt whom we'd never met or heard of. She died and had left nearly £8K to each of her nieces and nephew in her will, and as our DM had predeceased her, her share came straight to us. We were both very grateful, but not a clue who she was as a person.

Sorry only just had chance to sit down and have a breather! I haven't read all the replies but most say the same thing.

I have used the word inherent in the wrong term I think. My parents are lucky enough to own a few houses and have gifted me a house now rather than having to wait until they die!

My DD isn't the best a complete nightmare sleeper, so if one of my DSC shared with her they would potentially be woken with screaming as she does most nights. This is why they sleep in my bedroom at the minute as it's not fair on them to have disturbed sleep.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll actually yes my friend was inheriting her Mum's share!! I think it was possibly her Mum's aunt... she hadn't had children so gone up and across.

It was a farm, asset rich!

Think the bedroom situation may be a red herring to the real situation!

That's very insightful on your part, OP!
Good luck.

As a 6 kid family in a 4 bed house one of which was a proper box room - ie only way to get a bed in was to build your own over the stairs!! We had constant room changes according to our needs - I was the eldest but at different times shared with next sister down or was on my own in the box room. Good job I moved out when youngest was 2 for Uni. but we constantly had room shifts and quite enjoyed it - I loved that box room - my own space and quirky, It was high at one point with a dsk enderneath built into the over stairs triangle and a wardrobe on the right - all built by my Dad with help from me

Yes, totally agree with @cheeseismydownfall and others - no way should he live rent free with you and gain from rental income on his property, that's a raw deal for you.

Where is all his money going? Is he secretive regarding his finances? Seems extremely odd he receives rental income and a full time salary and doesn't even pay rent. Does he gamble or have other vices?
Why does he need such a high disposable income?

Don’t move him in. Sort out with him the financial contribution or even better rent out your place and get a joint property with him.

I think the only way this will work is to rent out your new house and get a place together.

He won’t agree to this, of course, because he has a cushy situation here and hasn’t paid for a place to live for a very long time from the sound of it!

The cherry on top is him refusing to do the loft for his children because that would be a waste of money. What on earth is he doing with all of his extra income if he can’t be bothered to spend it on his children.

I’m sorry, OP. I hope you update at some point..

Daughter should have bigger room as it’s her full time home and I would make the box room into a really cool room with input from the other children

Totally agree with you, Your child should hve the bigger room she lives there and it's ur hse!! Why are u allowing him to live rent free he should be paying half of the rent doesn't matter that u inherited it. He's keeping all the money he receives from his hse and lives rent free with u, no way!!!

Regarding the rooms, age is a factor and if the stepchildren arent enjoying the private space because it’s so cramped in the box room they might feel second best and probable won’t want to stay as they get older. Could your partner use his rental income to invest in a loft extension? Then you both could have that and there’d by 3 bedrooms for the children.

A two year old would be happy in a small room for a few years and by the time she’s ready for her own decent sized bedroom, the others may be staying over much less anyway or be away at Uni.

If you are sharing your house perhaps it would also be fair for him to share his rental income or you could suggest taking turns in each house so you get some rental income time too (just to make the point).

What is the layout? I know someone who moved walls about, stealing a bit of space off the bathroom and master, leaving 2 more or less equal sized rooms. It would definitely add value to any 3 bed house, and more house builders should do this tbh. Saying that, if you view your blended family as a whole, the youngest would automatically get the box room anyway.

Hi
I think that the two year old should have whichever room is nearest to you and your partner
If it is the bigger room then a portion of it could have facility like cushions and play area for all the kids to use for games when they are together on the nights the older children stay
This would foster their attachment to each other
If the room closest to you is the smaller one then make it lovely for the two year old and use the larger one for him/ her to interact when the others stay
Best of both worlds ?
The bigger room could have space like a wardrobe for keeping some of the little child’s thing, making the smaller room a greater space for them
That is my best advice having had even older siblings arguing about space
Should an older sibling having gone to first year in Uni be allowed to keep their bigger room for the holidays or when they come back, or should the younger sibling get their room as they are away most of the time
I would be interested in what people think of this too please 🤓

I would never see my child not have the most benefit of what is mine. He gets to move into a house that's paid for along with his children, he should be very grateful for that!
I'm sorry but I wouldnt budge on this. This home is yours and your daughters before anyone else. He hasnt contributed to it so he doesnt get to make demands.
It is unfortunate that the other girls will have a box room but it is just for sleeping. Maybe make a nice space in the living room or somewhere else for them to have their toys etc?

My 17yr old lives in the smallest room. He was equally happy in there as tge larger room he used to have. Size isnt necessarily the biggest issue as to what they do with the space. Bedrooms arent to live in but to sleep in. Bunk beds and a welcoming house will be fine. Why does it have to be a lifetime decision now? Why not stick with your plan for now, see how it goes (for you all), then, If when they get older, you CHOOSE to swap, thats fine and organic as it changes with you all. Stand your ground, its not status these children want but love and nurturing. You dont need the biggest bedroom to do that. On a different note, im finding it hard to understand why someone enters into a relationship like this without giving/sharing any financial help to their partner? Seems strange to me but i guess each to their own?

My ex moved into my house. He tried to claim a share of it because he had built a wall in the cellar and put in a door. Please don’t let him move in without a legal agreement. It sounds as if the relationship is very unequal. You move into the house and he can use his rent money to pay for the flat and have his DDs there three nights a week.