Who should get the room?

[newhousenewrooms]

I've been lucky enough to inherit a house without having to lose any family members! Me and my partner are moving in soon with our 2 year old daughter and his two children age 8 and 9 will be staying 3 nights a week.

Partner won't be contributing towards any rent/mortgage as it is inherited so only need to pay the bills which we will split.

It's a 3 bedroom house, 2 decent size rooms and a box room. I think that our DD should have one of the decent size rooms as she is there 7 nights a week. DP thinks his children should have the bigger room because there is two of them.

We haven't argued about it as such, he owns his own house but rents it out and it is making me feel like the green eyed monster as it's my house and why should our DD have a smaller room when she lives there permanently? I have spoken to my family and his family and they all agree that it's unfair on DD but I can see his point about there being two of them.

So now I'm stuck on what I actually think!

We are currently living in my two bedroom apartment and when his children stay, me and DP sleep on a blow up bed in the living room and they have our bed.

AIBU?

They are not sisters.

Yes they are.

That box room is bigger than our box room and we have bunk beds in there! Your DH is deluded if he thinks that DD should have the smaller room whilst the larger one lies empty, like a shrine to the step kids, 4 night a week. Totally bonkers

This ^

Our box room is smaller than OP's, too. And there is ample room for bunk beds, a single wardrobe and a little bedside cupboard as well as bookshelves.

Ah right. I thought they weren't. Either way Op. I would class this as your house for you and your child. Your partner and his children can visit. But overall I would prioritise you and her right now.

Sisters or not, it's not on to put an 8 year old in with the toddler while her 9 year old sister gets a room to herself.
The age gap is too great.

Is it possible to protect your inheritance so you don't have to split it if you split up?

And yes, you should have equal spending money. He doesn't have to pay rent to live in your house but is keeping all his rental income? Not fair!

What's he like with money generally?

Good luck with resolving it.

I would give the room to your 2 year old. I disagree with those saying toddlers don't use the room much. What about getting them changed, you need the space to do so, will be hard in a box room, and would be tight for space to put her toys in. Also another reason why 2 year old should get the bigger room is, it will be harder to later move the big girls out of the big room when your dd eventually needs the bigger room in a few years time.

I don't see why 2 Older kids can't stay in a bunk bed in a boxes room, they won't have large toys taking up space. And it's only a few times a week. If their dad cares so much he should look to pay for an extension of some sort

Well to be honest with you, if your daughter is 2 years old I don't know if she would actually need the bigger room?

We've given the box room to our toddler son and kept the spare double room for guests and other things where I use to dump stuff like the ironing board, tumble dryer and holiday suitcases. My son sleeps with us anyway and hardly uses his room and his not at that age where he will play in his own room anyway.

How about give the larger room to the other kids and maybe use it to put stuff in it and once your daughter is old enough then move them and put a bunk bed in the box room?

So he gets to keep all his rental income whilst also earning more money - I assume because you provide him with free childcare and accommodation?

He's treating you like crap @newhousenewrooms
Why are you letting him?

I disagree about toddlers needing less space as well. My DD has just turned 3 and spends so much time in her room playing, and has lots of quite large toys that only just fit in her room. My niece is 10 and spends almost all her time on her phone, xbox or at the dining table doing school work. All she ever uses her room for is sleeping and watching tv. Over the next couple of years the difference is only going to get worse as the 9/10 year olds get more and more school work and smaller toys, while the toddler accumulates even more larger things.
But the main issue as many have said is the total unfairness of how little the partner is contributing. They are taking the piss!

If it works financially, I would rent out your house and keep the rent. Then rent a place to live together with 3 double bedrooms and split all costs according to income. Protect your inheritance.

@maddening

Has it right.

Both houses rented out and he pays 2/3 of the rent for himself and his 3 children and OP pays 1/3 for herself and her 1 child.

Won't happen.

He's done such a number on the OP, that benefits him so greatly, he would hardly agree to paying for any of his children's accommodation when he has found a woman to do it for him.

He's no prize.

He's some cute fellow.
He'll be banking a considerable sum to slope off into the sunset, whenever the fancy takes him.

OP will be left with her battered house.

I agree he is a CF.

He needs to pay you rent.

And your dd gets the bigger room.

Your DD should get the bigger room because she's there 7 nights a week. Maybe add a bunk bed in the decent size room so one of the kids could share when they stay and leave the box room for one of the kids so they have more room

If I make sense?

Just a suggestion, I only have one DS so now idea how I'd handle it

Whatever you do please please, please draw up a legal agreement between you and your partner so that he has no claim on the house should you split.
Protect your asset, because if the worst happens he will have no qualms about claiming as much as he can from you, potentially leaving you homeless.

@newhousenewrooms

I've been lucky enough to inherit a house without having to lose any family members! Me and my partner are moving in soon with our 2 year old daughter and his two children age 8 and 9 will be staying 3 nights a week.

Partner won't be contributing towards any rent/mortgage as it is inherited so only need to pay the bills which we will split.

It's a 3 bedroom house, 2 decent size rooms and a box room. I think that our DD should have one of the decent size rooms as she is there 7 nights a week. DP thinks his children should have the bigger room because there is two of them.

We haven't argued about it as such, he owns his own house but rents it out and it is making me feel like the green eyed monster as it's my house and why should our DD have a smaller room when she lives there permanently? I have spoken to my family and his family and they all agree that it's unfair on DD but I can see his point about there being two of them.

So now I'm stuck on what I actually think!

We are currently living in my two bedroom apartment and when his children stay, me and DP sleep on a blow up bed in the living room and they have our bed.

AIBU?

I can see reasons why it would make sense for both situations. Since your stepchildren are much older they would be able to appreciate a larger room more although considering that they do only stay 3 nights a week it would be more fitting for them to have the smaller room. When your DD gets older it would make much more sense for her to have the larger room and might result in having to move your stepchildren from the bigger bedroom to the smaller one which even though it won't be anything personal towards them, understandably they might feel a-bit pushed to the side. I think it would be easier for them to have the smaller bedroom now since it avoids all of that. If I were in your situation, I would give DD the bigger bedroom although I would make sure that it was a space where all of the children could enjoy playing in there and be comfortable so that they don't have to be boxed up in a tiny room during the day. So for now, I would make the larger bedroom more of a playroom for all the children alongside being DD's bedroom. It would be nice to get the kids involved in choosing paint colours & stuff for those rooms too

I'd have the DSC doing 6 monthly rotation to share with DD.

Honestly though rent out your house and then rent a house together that better suits everyone needs!

OP please give your daughter whichever room you seem fit - this is your house, he has his own and chooses to rent it out. if he wants all children to have bigger rooms then he needs to contribute a lot more than he is or consider getting somewhere bigger.

see*

The child that lives there gets the biggest room, they have one room one of everything in fact compared to the steps who get two of everything.

Do children with divorced/separated parents really feel lucky to have two rooms that they have to keep moving between, rather than one secure, familiar, permanent base? Especially when both of them are tiny rooms as each parent tells them 'it's not worth giving you the nice room, because you're only here half the week'. Do they also feel luckier to have four parents/step-parents rather than the kids of happily married parents who 'only' have two?

I'd have the DSC doing 6 monthly rotation to share with DD.

So three different rooms that they have to keep moving between?

I wouldnt put 2 children in a box room for 3 nights every week

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Nope 2 year old stays in big room all the time the other 2 move between box room and sharing every 6 months.

Sounds madness but it means they know having their own room is a privilege and every 6 months they have a thorough clear out and tidy up etc.

I had 3 in one room and one on the box room then eventually 2 in each room for a few years until we extended into the loft.

If the question is solely about space I think your step daughters will struggle in the box room. Our 13 month is in our smallest bedroom and he barely spends any time in there. If it’s about your partners contribution to this home, you need to consider what you think is fair and have a discussion.

Nope 2 year old stays in big room all the time the other 2 move between box room and sharing every 6 months.

Sounds madness but it means they know having their own room is a privilege and every 6 months they have a thorough clear out and tidy up etc.

Eh? Have I misunderstood? I gathered that the suggestion was that the older girls would rotate between the bigger room at OP's house, the box room at OP's house and whatever room they have at their mum's house - is that not leaving them regularly having to move between three different rooms?

Er not really. They will always have the same room at their Mums!!!!

Truly the answer is that their Dad actually puts the money forward to house all his daughters adequately instead of sponging of the op!