Who should get the room?

[newhousenewrooms]

I've been lucky enough to inherit a house without having to lose any family members! Me and my partner are moving in soon with our 2 year old daughter and his two children age 8 and 9 will be staying 3 nights a week.

Partner won't be contributing towards any rent/mortgage as it is inherited so only need to pay the bills which we will split.

It's a 3 bedroom house, 2 decent size rooms and a box room. I think that our DD should have one of the decent size rooms as she is there 7 nights a week. DP thinks his children should have the bigger room because there is two of them.

We haven't argued about it as such, he owns his own house but rents it out and it is making me feel like the green eyed monster as it's my house and why should our DD have a smaller room when she lives there permanently? I have spoken to my family and his family and they all agree that it's unfair on DD but I can see his point about there being two of them.

So now I'm stuck on what I actually think!

We are currently living in my two bedroom apartment and when his children stay, me and DP sleep on a blow up bed in the living room and they have our bed.

AIBU?

Rent a four bedroom or 3 big bedroom house together, pay half the rent each.

He should pay 3/5 of the rent. OP isn't responsible for his two DDs. As it is, at 3/5ths he is still getting a good deal, as OP's DD is also his. it's just the same get more complicated if we start to take that into consideration . . . possibly he should pay 2/3rds?

@maddening I agree with you ..

Or

Say girls I would love you all to have your own rooms and space. I was looking into getting a loft conversion but unfortunately your dad isnt prepared to pay to have this done .

I'd put the youngest 2 in the big room and the oldest in the box room.

Why is everyone attacking him about not paying rent OP clearly states there is no rent or Mortagae so it’s just a case odd splitting bills (which they plan to do)

Also the OPs DD is also his so I’m not sure why half the posters are acting like she is just the OPs. The dad has 3 children and is trying to do what’s fair to all of them which is clearly the older 2 in the big room sharing and the youngest in the box room. If they were full siblings not half no one would have an issue with that because it’s the sensible option.

Why is everyone attacking him about not paying rent OP clearly states there is no rent or Mortagae so it’s just a case odd splitting bills (which they plan to do)

Because he's renting out his own house and not giving any of it to the OP. He's only able to do this because he's living in the OPs house so surely he should be giving her a share of what he's making off his now vacant house

Also the OPs DD is also his so I’m not sure why half the posters are acting like she is just the OPs. The dad has 3 children and is trying to do what’s fair to all of them which is clearly the older 2 in the big room sharing and the youngest in the box room. If they were full siblings not half no one would have an issue with that because it’s the sensible option.

The fairest thing if you have 3 children is to give the oldest the box room (her own space) and the youngest two sharing the bigger room

He’s a cheeky bugger, OP. He wants his bread buttered both sides and jam as well.

Not RTWT but I'd suggest you rent out both your houses and then use the income to pay rent on a house that is big enough for all of you - so either one with 4 beds or 3 big bedrooms. If he doesn't like that then you ought to review the conversation. You know what they say about men who are mean with money being mean in bed as well.

Whose idea was it that you sleep on a blow up bed when his other DDs visit ?

Anyway I agree with PP who say move in with your daughter but if the relationship is stronger than it’s sounding on here and you don’t want to live separately then this house is not suitable and you should pool rents and get somewhere else.

I hope you are ok not easy asking one question on here and that causes an explosion of posts such as these but don’t be tempted to ignore or minimalise there’s something not right

Sell both houses and put equal shares into a house big enough for all 5 of you. Are you done having children OP? You may need a bigger house anyway.....

chrestomamci both "partners" have a salary and both separately own one house.

Partner A lives in partner B's house and keeps 100% of the rent from thier own house.

Why does that sound fair to you.

Effectively Partner A is responsible for providing 7 days per week of accommodation for themselves and 3 days per week of accommodation for all 3 children (technically 3.5 days for child number 3). That's 16.5 nights a week total (7+3+3+3.5),

and Partner B is responsible for providing 7 days per week of accommodation for themselves and 3.5 days per week of accommodation for child number 3 - that's 10.5 nights total (7+3.5)

Partner A should be paying 60 of all total expenses for the group, if things are fair.

Partner A should be responsible for 60% of the group's accommodation costs.

In fact partner A is pocketing all the rent on partner A's house and paying nothing to live in partner B's house.

Partner B is subsidising partner A to allow them to keep their entire (higher) salaray and rental income from their house.

Partner A doesn't need to be subsidised as far as we know, he's just found himself a mug.

Either all income should be joint - after all the adults have a child together - or it should be separate, which means both adults pay their way, 60/40 to reflect the number of children they are each responsible for.

If he wants to keep all the rent on his house, the OP's "partner" should be paying her 60% of the market rent for the house, to reflect his responsibility for 60% of the occupation of the house.

@newhousenewrooms
What I suggest, before you confirm any plans with your partner/DP is take legal advice.

Write down
A. the current situation regarding the three properties including, if you know them, approximate market price (or check on Zoopla/Rightmove).
B. your annual income and if you know it, his income
C. The current split of monthly costs between your DP and you currently (eg, bills, food, etc)
D. Any benefits you get and any anything you lose by having another adult living with you (eg loss of your single person council tax discount)

Make a fact finding appointment with a solicitor ON YOUR OWN to discuss a will (do you already have one? As a property owner you really should). NOTE: if you married your DP you'd both need to make new wills.

Talk with the solicitor about a Deed of Trust which would legally ring-fence everything which is currently yours. I'm unsure whether that would also alter in the event of marriage but the solicitor can advise you.

You should also discuss the legalities around your DP putting money into your home (eg loft conversion) and any financial claim he could make against your home. DP may also want a Deed of Trust to recover the money he's put into your home if you split. (You May not split but best to have the facts).

Also find out what will happen to the properties, wills, pensions on splitting after marriage.

Once you are clear about the legal process around your/your daughters talk to your partner about how the options open to both of you to keep you and your respective children financially secure now and in the future. Emphasise these are options for discussion but ensure you and your daughter don't lose out whatever way your discussions go.

There was a thread by a woman recently with a daughter who married her partner and he moved into her mortgage free home with his children. I'd suggest you read that too.

Done with all of the arguments
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3937558-done-with-all-of-the-arguments

Good luck OP. I hope you can sort this out between you. 🌹

The older children should go in the larger room because from a practical point or view it's unfair to cram 2 kids into a box room. If you think about it, they probably won't be staying over in 7 or 8 years time anyway. Your dc will be 9 or 10 by then so they can move into the bigger room then.

I doubt you’d get two in a box room. We have a similar sized box room and I can’t see how it legally qualifies as a bedroom, as I don’t honestly think you’d comfortably get one bed in there. As they stay three nights, presumably they have clothes/toys/school stuff there? In ours you may get one of those captains beds with storage underneath but certainly nowhere near enough room for two.

A friend of mine had to buy an older house for similar reasons; she and her STBDH had a DC and he had a DC from his previous marriage. They looked on the new build estate where I live but she told me they’d have had to buy a four bed to get three decent sized bedrooms. She bought an older property that the previous owners had extended.

My DB was in the box room in our old family home but my parents converted the loft and he moved up there when he went to high school as the box room was just too small. Short term, your DD would probably be better in there but you need a long-term plan of extending/loft conversion IMO.

There are so many ways of looking at this. The OP doesn’t have a mortgage and only has to support one child but the partner has three kids to support and may have a mortgage or costs on the flat. He may also be paying maintenance. You can decide what’s fair by looking at how much people pay in, how much everyone uses resources or how much money people have Left over at the end of paying for their share.

I think it’s better to look at the issue from the point of view of the kids and I think putting the partners kids in the small room is by far the decision that would cause the most upset. The two girls would feel second best and would feel very unwelcome. The toddler wouldn’t even notice having the small room especially if she could play in the older girls room when they were away. I think you could revisit the decision at a later date.

Overall though it sounds like whatever happens it will be a bit of a disaster.

Nowhere does the OP state what share of the bills he will be pay. For all we know he’s going to be paying 90% of them.

There is no mortgage or rent to pay on the new place so the OP is just paying her share of the bills (again we have no idea what they’ve agreed)

As AwwDontGo said we’ve got no idea what his expenditure is does he still have a mortgage on the place he rents out? Is he paying maintenance? How much of everything does he currently pay? Op just heeled and their joint child to support he has 3 children to support and the costs that come with that.

Also 100% if a woman posted that they had a house they rented out as a side income they’d be told not to let their partner get their hands on that money and keep it for inheritance, in case you need an to leave money or just for financial independence especially with 3 children’s futures to consider not just 1! For all we know he’s putting that rental income in savings to pay for all 3 to go to uni/ buy first cars / house deposits

chrestomamci Two people are life partners.

One owns a house and rents it out and keeps the rent money all for themselves.

The other owns a house and they both live in it, meaning they don't get any rent.

Why is this fair?

Is it this just a men's rights thing and you want to stand up for the pool litttle menz who you think are unfairly treated?

Let me put it more simply. Two brothers - Fred and Jim - inherit a house each from their parents. Both Menz.

They both move into Fred's inherited house. Jim rents his house out for 1000 pounds per month and keeps the money all for himself.

Both Jim and Fred are living rent free, but Jim has 1000 pounds a month from his inheritance and Fred has 0 from his. They split the gas, electricity and council tax though.

Fair?

*Both Jim and Fred are living rent free, but Jim has 1000 pounds a month from his inheritance and Fred has 0 from his. They split the gas, electricity and council tax though.

Fair?*

It depends how much both Jim and Fred earn, and how they split the bills. If Jim earns £1000 a month and Fred earns £3000 and they split the bills 70/30 to reflect the fact his 2 children also live there half the week, is this fair?

Too many unknowns in OP's scenario to shout "fair" or not.

This isn't about 2 brothers sharing anyway, it's about 2 people in a long term relationship who have a child together. Normally MN is vocal about things like having equal disposable income, which there has been literally no mention of in this thread.

There was another thread recently where a woman was moving into her partner's house on which he paid no rent/mortgage as it was owned by his family. He wanted the woman to pay rent whereas she thought she should just pay her share of bills/food. The thread was a barrage of posts saying how stingy it was and his behaviour was deeply unattractive and suggesting she should not move in if he was just going to treat her like a tenant.

Op says he earns more AND has rent income @RedskyAtNight

Of course two children should have the bigger bedroom. It’s a no brainier and to say any different makes you look petty.

I have a three bed semi, me and my partner in the attic room, my sons (one being my partners stepson) in the double and my step daughter and own daughter in the box room in bunk beds. We all manage fine and the girl love their room which we’ve set up beautifully.

The child that lives there gets the biggest room, they have one room one of everything in fact compared to the steps who get two of everything.

That box room is bigger than our box room and we have bunk beds in there! Your DH is deluded if he thinks that DD should have the smaller room whilst the larger one lies empty, like a shrine to the step kids, 4 night a week. Totally bonkers.

Also, your DD will probably love sharing a bedroom with one of her big sisters

They are not sisters.

They are not sisters.

How do you know? I don't think OP has said if her DP is the father of her DD or not.

Hmm a two year old I'd put in the smaller room and have the other 2 children in the second room and of course the adults have the master room.

It's in the first line of the op. The two year is op's partner's child.