Who should get the room?

[newhousenewrooms]

I've been lucky enough to inherit a house without having to lose any family members! Me and my partner are moving in soon with our 2 year old daughter and his two children age 8 and 9 will be staying 3 nights a week.

Partner won't be contributing towards any rent/mortgage as it is inherited so only need to pay the bills which we will split.

It's a 3 bedroom house, 2 decent size rooms and a box room. I think that our DD should have one of the decent size rooms as she is there 7 nights a week. DP thinks his children should have the bigger room because there is two of them.

We haven't argued about it as such, he owns his own house but rents it out and it is making me feel like the green eyed monster as it's my house and why should our DD have a smaller room when she lives there permanently? I have spoken to my family and his family and they all agree that it's unfair on DD but I can see his point about there being two of them.

So now I'm stuck on what I actually think!

We are currently living in my two bedroom apartment and when his children stay, me and DP sleep on a blow up bed in the living room and they have our bed.

AIBU?

I wanted to convert the loft but he just moans that it's going to cost this much and that much

So what's wrong with him using some of his rental income to pay for it?

After all he's paying very little else except a share of the bills ...

@Twisique

Protect your inheritance, make sure he has no claim on it! I would get advice from a solicitor.

And I second this x 1,000,000

Think of what's best for the kids in this situation, and deal with the issues with your partner separately.

IMO - 2yr old has box room, older two share. Your daughter still gets the sweeter deal I think as she has her own space, but long term you need to sort out the finances with your partner (ideally getting the loft converted so everyone has their own decent sized room)

I wouldn’t charge my partner rent but then again my partner wouldn’t feather his own nest off the back of me and to the detriment of his children
Sorry, I must have missed the post where OPs confirm he is left with X more disposable income than her....

She says he gets rental from his property, but hasn't mentioned how much of this goes on the mortgage, fees and taxes.

She says he earns more, but not how much more. I earn more than my OH each month but he gets a company car, mobile and health insurance, so when this is taken into account and bills I have than he doesn't, he actually has more disposable income than I do.

We pay bills 50/50 but he will pay all the one of costs for the house and garden, so all in all, we are probably quite equal and if one needed money, the other would give it without a second thought.

charge your partner the market rent - get a rental agreement drawn up or rent book or whatever, to show he's paying you weekly rent; don't settle for less and don't allow him to build any share in your house or allow any way that he can claim part ownership ie don't allow him to put money into your house by increasing value ie building a loft extension. You can use the income from his rental for an eventual loft conversion or whatever.

I bet he hasn't offered you part ownership of his rental property??

meantime, his 2 girls will probably need the bigger room (the rent you charge him will reflect this), your 2yo won't care for a few years, by which time he'll either be gone or you'll have enough money for a loft extension, or both :-)

When w head this dilemma (only our own D.C, no step children so no guilt involved In the decision) we solved it by ‘rewarding’ the child who ended up with the box room by decorating it especially nicely. They never felt hard done by by having the smaller room but loved having their own special place.

Realistically an 8 and 9 year old would be very cramped in the room you describe and soon they will be teenagers and bouncing off the walls whereas for just one child/young adult a small box room can be a very cosy personal space.

The house he is renting out isn’t suitable for the family that you have and now it seems neither is the one you have inherited.

So you need to rent them both out or you could of course choose to sell yours as you are a free agent in charge of your own finances.

Then you can get a house that suits the needs of everyone.

Whatever you do, don’t live with him whilst he has no costs and gets the rental income for himself!

FGS, maybe because he gets very little from it? How hard is it to understand that not every one makes decent money out of renting. I make exactly 0 on mine and only keep it for its investment potential.

Taking the bedroom issue to one side. Why is he not paying you rent?

As for the bedroom situation. I'd be telling him to pay for a lift conversation and his dc could have that. Until this happens they can have bunk beds

Your house and he isn't even paying you rent!!!! Bugger that! Your daughter should have the bigger room!

If he paid rent you could put it towards making the attic into another from.

I get your concern that your little one should get a decent size room as it's her permanent full time room. But a box room for two bigger kids is not big enough even if they are staying 3 days a week, that is almost half the time they are with you which is a lot still. If you had three rooms for kids then I'd give the biggest room to your child and two smaller ones to part timers. But in your case, I personally would keep two kids in bigger room. A two year old doesn't need too much space, you'll find all kids hang out in living room anyway. They only start valuing their privacy when they are teenagers. My 3 and half year old only sleeps in his room and pops in there to grab some toys etc.
I'd keep two in bigger room, one in smaller untill they are big enough to show they need more space. Maybe in 10 or so years you can let your house out and together with your other half rent a 4 bedroom house so all have own spaces.

2 children should get the bigger room obviously.

I don’t know. 3 nights is half their time, so they are 50/50 basically and every place they live should be a home, not just somewhere they’re staying.

I agree with this. They obviously live with their mum 4 days a week, so they don’t really have one clearly defined ‘main’ home. They didn’t ask for their parents to split up and to have to live their lives between two different houses. If both parents said “well, they’re only here for 3 or 4 days a week, so they can make do” (for all we know, their mum might have a new partner with a toddler, just the same as OP’s situation) where does that leave them? Whatever their father does or doesn’t do, they shouldn’t have to suffer just to teach him a lesson.

We don't know the ins and out. Its not clear who has paid what so far, what the difference in income is, if he actually draw disposable income from the rental, whether there was any talk of marriage before the inheritance came about.

There are many factors to take into considerstion before reaching the conclusion that he is a cocklodger and we only have very few so far.

I wondered this too. He might well be royally taking advantage, but equally his own property might just be breaking even (or costing him extra for the time being) – hence no money available right now to pay for converting the loft. He could be planning on maintaining it as it is until the mortgage is paid off and then for it to be a family asset that actually starts bringing in extra money, IF the relationship survives. If it doesn’t, he’s protecting himself as we see women advised to do so often on here. It’s not like OP is paying rent or mortgage for their house, so maybe he sees them as a family, using family assets based on need – I think the finances should be shared (or at least made more transparent) before too long, though, assuming all goes well. Probably a very long shot, but he could even be thinking about not contributing to the house itself (as opposed to family living costs) so as not to put OP in a position of him having a claim on her property in the case of a break-up.

I'm not saying this is especially likely, but it could potentially be the case.

It's so difficult for children when they have to live between two different houses, even though they only effectively get half the benefit of each of those rooms. Meanwhile, one or other of their parents or step-parents are looking at their room standing empty half the time - in no way their choosing or fault - and then resent them for it.

That said, it really does sound like they would be best each selling their houses and then buying a bigger one more suited to their family needs, with 50/50 ownership.

What about the wear and tear on your property that you will have to deal with? Living with so many people is very different from living with just your daughter.

Why should his rent money be used for wear and tear on his house, when you don't have the equivalent?

Tell him since he's not paying out very much to live there and he's getting rental income from his own house that he needs to convert to loft to make a bigger room for his two girls. Give your daughter the bigger room. This isn't about punishing his daughters, it's making him pay his way and supply a bigger room for them himself, instead of pocketing all that cash and expecting your daughter to move over

Since he is not even paying rent your child gets the room alone .. he needs to contribute more in my opinion. If you were married that is a little different scenario.
If he his insistent that his kids get the bigger room he can pay for an extension or loft conversion.
If this is going to be a bone of contention don’t move in together till everything is in black and white.

I hope he's paying you 50% of utilities, council tax & house insurance - all of which he & his children will be benefiting!

Another thing is with more kids the bills are higher. Not your kids so he needs to take this into consideration as well. You are not liable for the cost of his kids. Food is one thing but living costs add up.

By the way, I don't agree with the lot who think that he should pay you rent. You're a family. He definitely has to contribute at least half to all the bills, if you are stay at home mum, then he should pay all the bills.
But as I said, best would be for you to let your house out. With 2 rental incomes from both your properties, you should be able to afford a 4 bedroom place (rent or buy with mortgage) to accommodate all family members. This way also you could pay 50% each towards rent and bills and there would be no hard feelings or disputes in the future whether he should have paid you rent, or contribute in different kind or way.

There might be no mortgage or rent to pay, but your partner really needs to be contributing towards the ongoing maintenance costs of the house.

Your house and he isn't even paying you rent!!!! Bugger that!

Is it normal for partners in a long-term relationship - serious enough to have a child together - to pay rent to each other when the would-be rent receiver doesn't have to pay for the house themselves?

If a married couple had a house with a mortgage and one of them inherited or won enough money to clear the mortgage, would you expect the other spouse to then start paying them rent?

charge your partner the market rent - get a rental agreement drawn up or rent book or whatever, to show he's paying you weekly rent
I moved into my oh property on the basis that we were in a committed relationship and expectation of marriage or certainly a partnership. If he'd told me I needed to pay rent on his house, which would have left him with probably double disposable as what I had, that would have been the end of our relationship.

Frankly, if you only see your partner as a lodger, why oh why would you have a child with them?

This thread escalated quickly @newhousenewrooms, how are you doing?

You all living in your house while DP keeps and rents his out is not a long-term solution. You need to consolidate at some point.

Live in your new house for a while. Do it up. Make it saleable/rentable. Enjoy it!
Your child gets the nice room. Visitors get box room with bunk beds.

Then either rent or buy somewhere more suitable between you, with you both keeping and renting out your own properties, or selling them both and paying off the new place. Depends how you feel about DP long term.