Close friend ended friendship due to 'difference in morals'

[Unpopularopinion1]

Name changed. I'm really hurt by what's happened, and I'm struggling with being told my opinions, which I've never thought are anything too uncommon, are that 'disgusting' (her words) that she cannot continue the friendship. We had a disagreement about a certain subject, which led to her blocking me. A few days later she unblocked me and attacked me with all these messages about different topics, asking me outright what I think as some sort of test, before concluding my answers weren't good enough for her high standards.

AIBU for thinking two close friends, of decades, should be able to have different opinions without cutting ties? I'm not sure I have any choice but to let it go. I'm just angry.

I think in the future some people will look back at how they have behaved over the past few years, the friends they've "cancelled" and cringe themselves inside out. There's a fair few of those types right here on MN.

I have no patience for people who use "ok Tory" as an insult. She owes you an apology at the very least.

YANBU. Your "friend" is a bully. You're better off without her.

When these issues occur it is usually not just as simple as the ONE issue. It will be a BUILD up of a difference of opinions about similar topics. I cut ties with a friend once over a different issue that seemed to “crop up”.

However you and your friend have known each other a long time so I do believe if you are both true friends it will blow over and you will make up if not maybe you have our grown each other

I agree with PPs that one day either she will grow up OR all of this will get blown out if the water and many people will be left feeling very embarrassed to say the least. It will be interesting to see them re write history. Then you will have the satisfaction of being on the right side of history as well as the moral high ground.
In the meantime, you are better off without her in your life.

But I can see it's really tough if you feel all your contemporaries are thinking the same way.

@Unpopularopinion1

The initial argument was because I didn’t agree that JK Rowling was transphobic. I would never want a trans person to be treated badly, but I am a women and don’t want to be a ‘person who menstruates’ she blocked me for this opinion. A few days later she unblocked and said she’s sad about ending the friendship, but she can’t be friends with a transphobic racist. I again reiterated I’m not transphobic, and asked how I was racist. She said my “silence about black lives matter was loud” and told her all she needs to know about me. I argued this was unfair and I didn’t see why I needed to post on my private social media with limited followers, but that I’d signed the petitions. She replied saying “ok then tory” despite the fact I’ve never voted conservative. Since then she has been tweeting about it’s always the people you don’t expect who are the biggest racists/transphobes etc. She also screenshot a text I’d sent about the our national debt being higher than the economy since lockdown and how it’s worrying and she tweeted the screenshot alongside the words “Tory mentality: Worried more about the economy than lives. Might as well wish the vulnerable dead” if I’m really missing the mark, educate me, don’t make me feel like a terrible person, embarrass me online and then cut all ties.

She's done you a favour by cutting you off. What a vile person she is.

@JellyFishSquish - I think menopausal brain may be a bigger thing than we are led to believe. Almost like a form of PMS that lasts longer.

I have anecdotal evidence of many woman suffering from a form of temporary madness around menopause.

YANBU

So many people these days are so intolerant of views other than their own

God, I’m about as lefty, rainbow flag-waving as they come and I think she sounds like a narrow-minded wanker.

You're well rid, mate.

@SadSisters

The only people I have ever seen using the word ‘menstruator’ are people expressing anti-trans sentiments. Those who are trying to find trans-inclusive language to talk about menstruation say ‘people who menstruate’, which is person-centred and quite different.

It’s a deliberate choice for anti-trans groups to say ‘menstruators’ - they want to make trans-inclusive language appear to be dehumanising. But, as ever, the reality is much more nuanced than the propaganda.

The body shop literally used the word 'menstruators' in their dismissive and goady response to people calling them out for abusing a DV survivor

The idea that you can’t even debate a subject now is ridiculous.

Well you can't debate a subject on Mumsnet, that's for sure. If you don't agree with the hive mind then you get piled on and ripped to shreds. It's ironic all the posters complaining about how OP's friend can't have a civilised debate when you can't have one here either!

I agree, Zaphodsotherhead. A lot is going on in a woman's body during menopause. It would be odd if there were no issues thrown up by the shifting hormones, etc.

My friend is better now!

Maybe your 'friend' was just looking for an excuse? Part of the richness of friendships sometimes comes from our differences not from our similarities.

The world has gone crazy right now. And no, I don't think JKR meant to be transphobic either. As a post-menopausal woman - am I a woman who used to menstruate?!

She's mental. She's going to lose a lot of friends if she can't accept people have their own opinions. Calling you racist for not posting on social media is deranged.

I had something similar happen to me once, over a conversation about the homeless problem in London. I wasn’t as hysterically concerned about it as said friend and she then screeched about what a horrible person I was blah blah blah. It was around Christmas time and I noticed she wasn’t exactly donating time to the local shelters or soup kitchens, but snuggled up at home with family. We just ended up not being friends. I think she’s incredibly childish - much like your friend. For some reason people are unable to accept differing opinions these days, and unable to believe in something without publicising it. I’m sorry for you though, it’s upsetting and must be doubly so with her posting about you online.

Wow, who needs enemies when you’ve got friends like that.

FWIW I haven’t posted anything on social media about BLM because I’m white and I feel it just looks like meaningless virtue signalling, I do however call out racism whenever I see it and I’ve left a job over it, so I walk the walk.

Morals are about your own standards of behaviour. She has behaved very poorly. No excuse for treating a friend like this.

FFS! She’s a virtue signalling wanker and you’re better off without her. The fact that she’s posting vague comments on Facebook, tells me all I need to know about her. I swear to fuck, she’s going to be cringing in a few years, when a lot of the stuff regarding the issues start to come to light.

I have strong opinions regarding veganism, women’s rights, Religion, Brexit, and NI politics. Many of my friends and I have heated debates and will never agree, but we’re grown up enough to accept that about each other. So many of the woke crowd demand capitulation or you’re out of their little group. It’s pathetic and strives me as cowardly behaviour from those that don’t want to face up to any doubts they have about their beliefs, just like many cults.

I would say that MN can be like that too though btw - the amount of people who think
“Tory” is an insult and wouldn’t be friends with someone who voted a different politic party as them...as if people are not able to have their own reasons and viewpoints/as if somehow voting Labour makes you a good person.

Funny, I guessed this would be about the trans cult. Didn’t you know that women are meant to give up all our single-sex facilities and welcome the men who want to intrude there, OP? And given that BLM is a proud supporter of the trans cult, you would be condemned by them too.

Good riddance to your non-friend. It must hurt after a long friendship, but she really is not worth your care.

Honestly I'm not sure you've had much of a loss there.
I'd not be particularly worked up if a friend didnt agree that trans women are women, but would be if someone were to be spiteful or get in the way of peoples rights to just be who they are without fear of anyone making their life hard.
I'd really very much struggle to see past racism. I don't post about BLM on my pages because I really am not particularly eloquent, and I'm unsure if I would help at all speaking out with 20 odd friends. I do speak at length about BLM with friends though.
And fuck it, many people I know vote Tory, even my husband. I vote for labour. I believe everyone has their own reasons and opinions.

She cant just shout people down until people do as she wants.

Corbyn is a Tory mole.
Not voting for him made sense to a lot of people who would never vote Tory

trans women are at risk of prostate but not cervical cancer
therefore they are not women

they deserve rights
but not that over ride the rights of chromosonal women

your friend is barking
find saner ones

The initial argument was because I didn’t agree that JK Rowling was transphobic.

Just knew it was going to be about this

@GreytExpectations

The idea that you can’t even debate a subject now is ridiculous.

Well you can't debate a subject on Mumsnet, that's for sure. If you don't agree with the hive mind then you get piled on and ripped to shreds. It's ironic all the posters complaining about how OP's friend can't have a civilised debate when you can't have one here either!

ripped to shreds

Don’t be silly. Many debates get very heated. You shouldn’t be afraid of voicing your opinion and showing the evidence to back it up. I’m very confident in my beliefs, that’s why I continue and don’t get frightened of by posters. If you think FWR is bad, you’d better stay away from discussions regarding vegans, if you are one. Between sarcastic jokes, insults, bating and mocking, you wouldn’t last five minutes. 😁