Close friend ended friendship due to 'difference in morals'

[Unpopularopinion1]

Name changed. I'm really hurt by what's happened, and I'm struggling with being told my opinions, which I've never thought are anything too uncommon, are that 'disgusting' (her words) that she cannot continue the friendship. We had a disagreement about a certain subject, which led to her blocking me. A few days later she unblocked me and attacked me with all these messages about different topics, asking me outright what I think as some sort of test, before concluding my answers weren't good enough for her high standards.

AIBU for thinking two close friends, of decades, should be able to have different opinions without cutting ties? I'm not sure I have any choice but to let it go. I'm just angry.

I find it hard to read past the word "cis" in a post to be honest.
It sets by spider senses tingling and I know the person using it has already given ground that no woman should be happy about giving.

YY.

Cologne4711 It isn't that my friends all agree! It's that those are my lines. I won't have racist friends, it's unforgivable to be racist.

And I do have tory-leaning acquaintances but these days (not so much in the past) I simply don't want them as friends, it's too awful.

I think your better of without her who wants a friend Like that. This current trend of people accusing people of being racist, transphobic etc because they don’t hold exactly the same view as you is ridiculous and will not help anybody.

@Unpopularopinion1, I read to the end of the first page until it was confirmed that the issue in question was (as I suspected) TWAW.

I'm sorry to hear you have lost a friend over this. It is really sad state of affairs that so many people screaming transphobe are so blind to their own aggression.

She's an arsehole, OP. This complete intolerance of anyone who refuses to toe the line or regurgigate whatever the 'acceptable' view of that day all over SM seems to be becoming more and more prevalent.

@PAND0RA

I understand some women find the term offensive but please can you clarify why you being BAME is relevant to the term being offensive? I'm not being rude, I'm BAME myself and hadn't come across that thought pattern

So you understand that some people find it offensive , yes? But that’s not a good enough reason to stop using it. You want me to further justify why it’s offensive . Because just my opinion as black woman isn’t good enough for you.

Nice.

Uh what?? I politely asked for your opinion. How have I said anything wrong? I was trying to engage in discussion about something I'm unfamiliar with. No need to get so defensive, I didn't attack or insult you.

I sometime wonder if I'm a hypocrite because I have my own red lines - but not the trans one.

My lines don't make me unfriend people and I'd certainly never publicly shame anyone ever (how rude!) but it does affect how I see them. I have racist relatives, old schoolmates, and acquaintances, but I wouldn't pursue a friendship with a racist going forward.

My red lines are on homophobia, racism, anti-semitism and islamophobia, victim-blaming in and apologism for - child abuse, rape and domestic violence cases. I will always discuss these issues despite 1. believing there is a wrong and a right end of the opinion spectrum to be on, 2. thinking people are entrenched and it's a waste of time, and 3. it usually descending into straw men tropes and whataboutery.

However, I believe there are trans-related issues to be discussed, things are not cut and dried, and bellowing "trans women are women" at me doesn't cover it.

I'm a questioner. I can't do orthodoxy. It feels Orwellian to be told no discussion is allowed, just accept the slogan. I can't abide any kind of bullying silencing hanging up behaviour. Trans campaigners on social media remind me of Brexit campaigners with the name calling, slogans in place of debate, and clear desire to silence dissenting voices.

And I don't feel transphobic. I don't have any anti-feelings. I just can't accept having a new reality imposed upon me that doesn't make sense, endangers children and seems unfair in the context of what it takes from natal women and female children.

Is this how racists feel in the context of their own belief system?

I would characterise my opinion as being on the side of both natal women and trans women - except on the battleground issues. (Loos, changing rooms, sport etc)

Sorry OP, I appear to have "gone off on one."

@GreytExpectations

Nice try at defecting the point. So now you understand, will you stop using the offensive and insulting word ‘cis’?

I'm just going to repeat Eresh's point to you here @TinyPigeon

I note that your earlier use of a misogynistic slur against the OP, simply for not calling JK Rowling transphobic, was deleted by MN.

So you'll forgive me if I can't be arsed to sit here by lectured by you re: what I can and can't say.

Have a lovely day.

OP it’s ridiculous that she feels she needs to cut you off just because you have different opinions. That’s part of what makes life rich! Her loss tbh!

I have friends with very different opinions to me. With some, we agree to disagree and just don’t discuss those topics (I am quite far left and have a couple of strong Tory supporter friends - after a couple of emotional debates, we’ve agreed not to discuss politics!), and with others, we love a good debate about it and are both interested in how the other person came to hold their views. It shows we respect one another and each other’s right to believe different things. Plus we are all open to having our mind changed (though that rarely happens!). For instance I love discussing veganism with my vegan friends even though I’m an omnivore. I’m interested in their reasons although not persuaded and they enjoy trying to persuade me!

I wouldn’t dream of cutting friends off unless they had views that were illegal - eg wanting to kill certain people, etc!

[quote PAND0RA]@GreytExpectations

Nice try at defecting the point. So now you understand, will you stop using the offensive and insulting word ‘cis’?[/quote]
I honestly have no idea what you are on about. I've never used that term towards anyone in real life or on here. All I did was ask your opinion quite politely, not sure why you think I shouldn't have done that nor why you think I'm insulting people?

I did end a friendship once when I discovered the person was ageist sexist and racist. I would also be unimpressed with homophobia. On the trans issue however I must be honest I have no strong views either way.

@AngryFeminist Exactly as @Signalbox said. 'cis' is simply yet another way to remove women's identity and it is a deeply offensive term, whenever I read that term I usually dismiss the person as a TRA extremist and unable to be reasoned with. It is a very, deeply offensive term to many women. We are not 'cis' women. We are.....women.

PAND0RA, I ask this completely innocently and in ignorance, but with an open mind and a desire to learn: I do not know what being BAME has to do with finding 'cis' offensive. Can you explain? Thanks.

@Timekeeper1 as I've said, after much reflection it's not a term that bothers me personally, but I can understand why it might others. My acceptance of it doesn't mean I am forcing anyone else to do so. I try to have understanding and compassion for both sides.

She sounds insufferable. Good for you that the trash took itself out on this occasion and you no longer have to tolerate this woman and her bs.

I think that the origins of the word were made in good faith

I disagree. I don't think it was. It was/is a deliberate ploy to 'otherise' women. Because the biological men cannot ever be biologically women, they detest that we women are able to use that name. So in order to make sure women didn't get away with being called women, they decided to add 'cis' to our label, as a way to mark their territory. It is an act of spite, not an act of good faith. An act of good faith would not seek to tear away from us the name we have by adding a word in front of it as a qualifier. It is a malicious act of spite.

She sounds a complete nightmare and you’re better off without her.

Cis gets used by arseholes to explain that trans woman are just another kind of women like BAME women. It’s a way of using black women as a weird subtype of women and Cis women as a weird subtype of women whereas Trans women are and always have been women.

All women are women. No trans women are women. I don’t even like to use TW as it hides the truth but those are the rules on here.

‘cis’ is used to nullify the male/female axis of oppression.

@Milicentbystander72

Op my Bruce are all in their 20's, and even though one is a Lesbian they all feel very out if step with the Twittersphere.

I thought Bruce was another term I was unfamiliar with like TWA!

Cis gets used by arseholes to explain that trans woman are just another kind of women like BAME women. It’s a way of using black women as a weird subtype of women and Cis women as a weird subtype of women whereas Trans women are and always have been women.

Just another way to exploit black/BAME women it seems.

Yes exactly. And to put TW at the centre of the Venn diagram with the rest of us as variants.

@Binterested

Cis gets used by arseholes to explain that trans woman are just another kind of women like BAME women. It’s a way of using black women as a weird subtype of women and Cis women as a weird subtype of women whereas Trans women are and always have been women.

All women are women. No trans women are women. I don’t even like to use TW as it hides the truth but those are the rules on here.

Exactly!

@PAND0RA please can you reply to why you accused me of insulting people when I never once even used the term "cis" to refer to a single person, on this thread or elsewhere? All I did was politely ask if you could clarify the point you were making as I was interested to learn about another viewpoint. Yes you very rudely had a go at me and I still don't understand why. Part of posting opinions on a forum is being able to discuss them with people. But you shut me down after accusing me of something I did not do.