Close friend ended friendship due to 'difference in morals'

[Unpopularopinion1]

Name changed. I'm really hurt by what's happened, and I'm struggling with being told my opinions, which I've never thought are anything too uncommon, are that 'disgusting' (her words) that she cannot continue the friendship. We had a disagreement about a certain subject, which led to her blocking me. A few days later she unblocked me and attacked me with all these messages about different topics, asking me outright what I think as some sort of test, before concluding my answers weren't good enough for her high standards.

AIBU for thinking two close friends, of decades, should be able to have different opinions without cutting ties? I'm not sure I have any choice but to let it go. I'm just angry.

She's joined a cult, OP, simple as...

She's absolutely no loss.

I'd kind of put to the back of my mind the racist views that a good friend held. I think I'd kidded myself that as he was gay he wouldn't actually be racist ( not that that makes any sense in hindsight)

Anyway it turns out that he most definitely is
So our friendship is over
I just can't like a racist and I just can't remain in contact with one
It's left me with a lot of guilt that I already knew and did nothing about the friendship until it couldn't be ignored

Bit counter intuitive to use hysterical and hysteria to discount a woman's opinion @YourVagesty**

Not really @TinyPigeon . I'm fully aware of the etymology but in terms of modern usage, and not in terms of obsolete pathologies, I find it really descriptive of the behaviour. I would also describe Owen Jones as hysterical, for the record.

Hope that helps and you are able to go about your day.

We've had another argument again this morning and I'm annoyed at myself for even wasting my breath. Entirely about the economy/lives issues this time. I don't know why I think I can have a rational conversation with her. I thought maybe I could get her to see my side. She blocked me again before I had the chance to do so to her. I won't rise to it again.

Please dont let her do this again. She really is a vile bully. Was she always like this ad you never really noticed? There is absolutely no way that the friendship can continue so please keep her permanently blocked.

I haven’t read all the posts - but I think your so called friend is massively out of order for tweeting and commenting on your private texts .

You are right to be hurt , but I honestly would set this friend free.

Strongly held opinions are not an excuse for unkindness

OP could you be more open minded and consider her option might have some value?

Oh fuck off. The OP already had by seeing the friend's posts on SM and simply scrolling past instead of actively sharing her disagreement on said posts, or even ending the friendship over differing points of view.

And to people who are touting TWAW and telling those who disagree to educate themselves:

Education starts at home. I recommend a human biology book as a starting point. Then maybe a history book on the history of women and their fight for equal rights without trying to erode the rights of men.

TRA's could learn from that.

OP, it sounds like you are better off without a virtue signalling twat for a friend. Those who shout the loudest are often the least educated.

I think it will take some time, but eventually people will get so tired of being woke all the time they will wake up and see logic again. I certainly hope so anyway. Because being woke is really fucking tiring given the utter minefield of saying the right thing changing day on day.

@TinyPigeon

And of course by now we have descended into vile transmisogyny.

Could you point out where that is, please? I’m sure MNHQ would be very happy to delete it.

She sounds insufferable and exhausting.

There are so many different categories of friends from those you confide in, to those you enjoy socialising with, to those you prefer having a cup of tea with about everyday life, to those you know only through others in a group friendship, to those you have chat through via email or social media only. I hope she was the latter.

People come and go and of course the loss of a friendship hurts. Give it a little while and see if you really miss her though. I had a friend who I thought I would miss a lot once she moved away but to be honest, when she left and I had a break from her constant drama and opinions, I felt relief and peace.

We had a disagreement about a certain subject, which led to her blocking me. A few days later she unblocked me and attacked me with all these messages about different topics, asking me outright what I think as some sort of test, before concluding my answers weren't good enough for her high standards.

This, by the way, is such a foul display of perceived moral superiority that I'd have refused to engage and told her to fuck off with her virtue signalling though policing. It's vile behaviour. The moment friendship is measured through a woke pub quiz it is no longer a friendship.

@TinyPigeon

And of course by now we have descended into vile transmisogyny.

misogyny /mɪˈsɒdʒ(ə)ni/ Learn to pronounce noun dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women. "she felt she was struggling against thinly disguised misogyny"

What pray is transmisogyny?

Your ex friend must have trouble getting around with her head so far up her own arse.

Sorry you feel sad about losing this so called "friend" but as PP said upthread, you've dodged a bullet. She sounds an absolute twat and you don't need her in your life. Move on and find some grown ups to be friends with.

Really @YourVagesty I often find the modern usage coincides rather well with the etymology. Misogynistic slurs are often used against gay men but I expect you knew that.

I'm quite surprised that some people have such a live-and-let-live attitude to friendships.

OK this isn't an issue that would end a friendship for me but I do have lines that matter to me and I don't want to be around people who cross them. I wouldn't have racist friends and I also avoid anything more than acquaintanceships with people who vote tory/condone Trump. The idea that these things never come up is odd to me. Don't you ever talk about the state of the world?

I should also mention I have a friend who is queen of the virtue signallers, every single tweet/Insta post is about how you can be an ally/how you can donate/only buy from here/put this and this front and centre of your consciousness....

Based on her SM alone she comes across as insufferable, preachy, humourless and hectoring.

She is a dear, kind, loving and very very funny person. We chat politics and respect each other and at risk of repeating... she’s my friend, she’s been there for me and me for her and I love her.

I feel for you OP. Engage no more with your “friend”.

@TinyPigeon

All words are made up *@LillianBland*

True, but I question the need to make up words that promote regressive and sexist stereotypes. To then insist that people use them while other people, male bodied people that is, are then entitled to use the original descriptor, sounds very much like appropriation. Isn’t it strange that while so many are demanding equal treatment that women are being told they must accept their sex being appropriated?

Your friend has joined a cult. A faith based cult that promotes humans can change their sex at will. Deep down they know this is impossible so the only way they engage is by insults, abuse, mantras (TWAW) and shutting down debate. They actually use the "No debate" slogan. She's no loss as a friend. Sadly my DD has gone the same way, which is rather more problematic.

Sounds like you're better off without her.

She's not interested in having a real conversation about any of these things - which are important things to discuss. Sad, as how do we ever move forward as a society if we can't talk honestly and have a fair debate without getting vindictive.

My mum and dad were a shining example to me - one was a Tory, and wouldn't contemplate adopting children of colour (mum suggested it in the 70s, she loved children. full stop.), and mum was a fairly lefty labour supporter.

They loved each other to bits and had a great marriage. No doubt they had a good few debates along the way - that's how we change our views or clarify them - respectful dialogue.

Sometimes I don't even know what I think about something until I have properly talked it through with someone of a different opinion. Its how you get good perspective, by listening, challenging, accepting other people have a view - even if you profoundly disagree.

OP, as PPs have said, it would seem you've dodged a bullet and would seem best not to engage with them. If she does, I'd reply/post how upset you are when someone insincerely hijacks BML and the trans debate just to deflect attention from their privilege by virtue signalling.

If they freak, you can then ask why they thought you were talking about them. Is that how they see themselves?

Passive aggressive weaponry, I know.

I wouldn't have racist friends and I also avoid anything more than acquaintanceships with people who vote tory/condone Trump. The idea that these things never come up is odd to me. Don't you ever talk about the state of the world

Yes but you can agree to disagree. However, I think it's quite a British thing that you can't have friends who don't share the same opinions as you. When I lived in Germany you could have disagreements with people and remain friends.

I voted to remain in the EU but have friends who voted to leave. We just avoided the subject.

My mum lives in a very Tory, Leave voting area. She is a life-long Labour party member and voted to remain. She'd have no friends if she let politics get in the way.

Oh and my father voted Tory so I grew up with the idea that you didn't have to share the same political opinions as people you live with/spend time with.

I think women tended to vote the way their husbands told them to. Ha ha, not a chance with my mother.

Cologne, your mother seems sensible. if only it were due to principles that I've got no mates.

And of course by now we have descended into vile transmisogyny

In what sense? I note that your earlier use of a misogynistic slur against the OP, simply for not calling JK Rowling transphobic, was deleted by MN.

@TalkingtoLangClegintheDark thank you for the articulate explanation upthread. Says it all

Misogynistic slurs are often used against gay men but I expect you knew that.

Is that what you mean by "transmisogyny"? Misogynistic slurs against gay males? Fair dos.