Close friend ended friendship due to 'difference in morals'

[Unpopularopinion1]

Name changed. I'm really hurt by what's happened, and I'm struggling with being told my opinions, which I've never thought are anything too uncommon, are that 'disgusting' (her words) that she cannot continue the friendship. We had a disagreement about a certain subject, which led to her blocking me. A few days later she unblocked me and attacked me with all these messages about different topics, asking me outright what I think as some sort of test, before concluding my answers weren't good enough for her high standards.

AIBU for thinking two close friends, of decades, should be able to have different opinions without cutting ties? I'm not sure I have any choice but to let it go. I'm just angry.

@PAND0RA

I’m a BAME woman and I STRONGLY object to people tell me that I’m cis, including some on this thread.

Please stop it, it’s deeply offensive to many women.

I understand some women find the term offensive but please can you clarify why you being BAME is relevant to the term being offensive? I'm not being rude, I'm BAME myself and hadn't come across that thought pattern.

I find it hard to read past the word "cis" in a post to be honest.
It sets by spider senses tingling and I know the person using it has already given ground that no woman should be happy about giving.

Make = male

She just sounds like one of those hysterical cultist Momentum types.

If I were you, OP, I'd be happy to see the back of her. Can't be doing with all this hysteria, and the demands that you express the socially acceptable views in the socially acceptable formats.

I stopped being friends with someone because she kept having 'relationships' with men who were married/ in LTRs, often with dc involved. No one is entitled to anyone else's friendship and this thread comes off as "how could anyone judge lovely, wonderful me? Oh I had better go to Mumsnet where people who share my views on this will tell me how right and brilliant I am and now awful she is".

She sounds like an arse.

@Iwalkinmyclothing

I stopped being friends with someone because she kept having 'relationships' with men who were married/ in LTRs, often with dc involved. No one is entitled to anyone else's friendship and this thread comes off as "how could anyone judge lovely, wonderful me? Oh I had better go to Mumsnet where people who share my views on this will tell me how right and brilliant I am and now awful she is".

Your friend was doing something that will harm the other women involved. The OP believes in protecting women from potential harm, so her friend has thrown her toys out of the pram, because she wants to centre male bodied people. I hardly think there’s any comparison. You just sound like you’re trying to find an excuse to slate the OP, because she won’t join the cult. It’s obvious to most of the women on here.

EmbarrassedUser I'm afraid I understand your friend's decision. It's a question of what you will accept. The Mail is dogwhistle central and you are consuming that, you're allowing the misogyny and racism and hypocrisy in. Maybe you don't mean to and you just like the tv guide or whatever, but it is going in and your friend doesn't want to know someone who is uncritical, or worse, agrees with what they signal.

@LillianBland I think the usages you're talking about are real - that's kind of what I meant by it being co-opted. And I see that it would be possible to use 'woman' and 'trans woman' and there could be a case for that.

My personal reaction to the use of 'cis' doesn't correlate with yours but that doesn't mean that you need to use it, or that I am pushing anyone else to accept it.

I've also seen the use of 'nuanced' used to describe a blanket attitude of 'being kind' in the sense of telling women to shut up and sit down about their concerns so I understand how you might read it as that in my case. This is not my intention: what I mean by it, is that I see points on both sides rather than adhering rigidly to one ideology or another. I am not one to sit down and shut up about these views, hence my expressing them both here and in my personal life. I hope that this makes sense, and that you and others can take me at my word here.

I really don't get why friends have to have these sort of discussions. Its not what I look in friends.

Of course things can come up discussing every day life matters but taken in context they are much less likely to result in anything said that would upset me enough to end a friendship.

I think too many people engage in these conversations to push their views and respond with outrage if anywhere dates to have a different opinion.

Thankfully I don't have any friends like this. I have no idea who any of my friends voted for if at all. Couldn't care less!

I understand some women find the term offensive but please can you clarify why you being BAME is relevant to the term being offensive? I'm not being rude, I'm BAME myself and hadn't come across that thought pattern

So you understand that some people find it offensive , yes? But that’s not a good enough reason to stop using it. You want me to further justify why it’s offensive . Because just my opinion as black woman isn’t good enough for you.

Nice.

I used to identify as “ liberal” but it seems you have to sign up for a package of ideologies or you’re not allowed in the club.... a bit like Sky TV bundles. Well fuck off I say... I will pick my own side on every issue and although I find it weird to find myself aligning with the readers of the Daily Mail I have to be honest about what I believe. OP - my views are pretty similar to yours with regards the trans issues and the Labour Party

100% this. I do a job which attracts generally woke people. I am completely silent about the trans issue on social media as I would be a pariah to do anything other than roundly condemn JKR as illiberal, transphobic and out of touch. It would be impossible to even consider how to keep women and girls safe. Or to question whether TW should compete in women's competitive sport or be eligible for women's awards or scholarships.

It's the fact that we aren't even allowed to have the discussion that I find abhorrent. And that women are no longer allowed to consider their rights as they are subordinate to anyone else's.

@LillianBland I also see your argument re: the erasure of sex as a specifically female experience. This is actually something we agree on in fact: it is why I support upholding the difference between sex and gender (which confusingly, both sides seem to argue they're doing!)

Again, my personal OK-ness with the term cis does not necessarily have to undermine this position, as for me it refers to gender and not to sex - something that could also be articulated as woman/trans woman but is in my case something I can accept.

a vagina is a body part like an arm': this is surprisingly widely argued

I have not seen this at all and this makes me sick. That completely minimises rape and other violent acts that occur because of ‘this body part’. But what would you expect from someone who calls lesbians vile things and it seems infantilises women (taking a teddy bear to hospital to cuddle etc). Plus who also seems to believe they are a wonderful role model for women after some rather huge cosmetic surgery to attain their concept of feminine beauty. But they are completely authentic....

My god, she is bonkers, not you. So sorry.

This is the MN, people are expected to toe the party line, it sounds like your 'friend' is a member!

And of course by now we have descended into vile transmisogyny.

Again, my personal OK-ness with the term cis does not necessarily have to undermine this position, as for me it refers to gender and not to sex - something that could also be articulated as woman/trans woman but is in my case something I can accept.

Gender is a stereotype of what and how a woman and man should present and behave. It’s incredibly regressive. Since women aren’t gender stereotypes and most will be quite happy doing so called male things, such as building, riding motorcycles, wearing men’s clothes, etc, then using the term ‘cis’ to label women and men is incredibly recessive. Transperson and woman/man is enough. Why do kennel and men need to use a regressive and made up regressive descriptor?

Kennel should be women.

Erm can someone explain cis to me, never come across it before

Bit counter intuitive to use hysterical and hysteria to discount a woman's opinion @YourVagesty

All words are made up @LillianBland

She’s a tosspot.

I am really close to someone I know voted Brexit and is a massive Tory. But we never ever discuss the above and only touch on politics in a way that I can only describe as “socially distant”

Our friendship is so much more than political viewpoints as we share similar morals and values but sit apart on how these manifest at the ballot box.

Your friend hasn’t even tried to understand your motivations as she believes her viewpoint is right - end of - and that’s a really sad thing to end a friendship over.

When my ex best friend ditched me she also inferred it was because I’d “changed” and was becoming “more conservative I as I got older”.

It was bullshit and used as an excuse as she was jealous and upset about her going through serious fertility issues in the same time I’d had two children. I wish she’d been honest, and I think we could have found a way.

This is crap and she doesn’t deserve our friendship.

*your

I think the trans debate is a bit of a red herring. The issue is that your friend is being horrible to you. Friends are meant to make you feel good about yourself. It may make you feel sad but yes, I agree with a PP - block this person and avoid contact with them.

The thing about BLM is very strange. I can't imagine having the energy to monitor what other people don't do on social media. It must be exhausting. It also isn't really anyone else's business what you think of BLM.

Similarly, whether or not you vote Tory. There is a secret ballot because you are allowed to keep how you vote a secret. You could vote for the Monster Raving Loony party and it would be no one else's business.