Close friend ended friendship due to 'difference in morals'

[Unpopularopinion1]

Name changed. I'm really hurt by what's happened, and I'm struggling with being told my opinions, which I've never thought are anything too uncommon, are that 'disgusting' (her words) that she cannot continue the friendship. We had a disagreement about a certain subject, which led to her blocking me. A few days later she unblocked me and attacked me with all these messages about different topics, asking me outright what I think as some sort of test, before concluding my answers weren't good enough for her high standards.

AIBU for thinking two close friends, of decades, should be able to have different opinions without cutting ties? I'm not sure I have any choice but to let it go. I'm just angry.

@TalkingtoLangClegintheDark
indeed, a very good explanation of why we need to be able to name sex classes
yesterday it just happened that in the news in the UK we had the stabbing in Reading and a fire in Paisley- we already know who did the first and I was thinking this morning that I bet it's a man responsible for the fire in which 3 children died and their mother critically injured....yet when is this common factor ever mentioned and the dots connected between all this male violence- and how will we ever do it if we can't name it?
OP your instincts are right. I suggest you go out into the real world and find the women on your doorstep who think like you but are silent on SM

I also agree with your friend and might struggle to remain friends with you. However I have no idea where the tory racist stuff came from and she has handed it in a really immature manner as well, so maybe you have had a lucky escape.

I fell out with a friend years ago. We'd always had differing viewpoints in some areas, but could agree to differ. In her mind 20's she went further and was intent on converting people to her views. She fell out with several people at the time. Years later we reconnected through a mutual friend and continue to be friends to this day. She calmed down over the years and became less extreme.

@LavenderLilacTree

OP could you be more open minded and consider her option might have some value?

It’s the friend, not the OP, who is failing to be open-minded. Have you not read any of the thread at all @LavenderLilacTree?

Wow you really are very lucky to have that attention seeking virtue signalling homophobic nasty twat out of your life.

She sounds like she's engaged in Maoist Cultural Revolution and purge.
It's that kind of intolerance that made me leave the Labour Party.

Regardless of who holds what opinion, do you really want to be friends with this woman?

She’s judged you for not posting on social media, blocks and unblocks you, posts you texts online. She sounds like some very immature teenagers I know and I really couldn’t be bothered with her. This is not the way adults behave.

Unpopularopinion1 I think everyone is entitled to their opinion but your 'friend' thinks you are not entitled to your opinion.

She's tried to 'shame' you, she's using tactics which I think are actually despicable. I know a lot of people with a lot of different views - I might chat to them about those views but at the end of the day they are entitled to their views.

I agree with JKR and I'm actually not a potter fan! She has her right to her opinion. Your friend does, so do I, and so do you.

I am also very much in favouor or rights for trans people and I think there should be healthy debate about issues that affect everyone.

The silencing has not worked. Hopefully, things are going to change and the future will be better for all of us.

But that doesn't help you in losing a friend. Anyway, it's sad, but her views seem to be have been 'hijacked' by people who don't want to actually talk about possible issues and I just want you to know that it's her, it's not you. Move on.

PS I knew what the issue would be when I read your opening post. That's how common this shit is.

I'm not clear why you would want to be friends with someone that treats you like that. She's not your friend op.

I had a few friends do that sort of thing and it was really depressing as at the time I hated losing friends. If they are like this I suppose they're just not the friends for us- and they're right, we don't have the same values (not morals.) But even then, I think the only thing I would really ditch someone for is if a male friend were anti-feminist- I personally would see that as a red flag and avoid them.

It's particularly annoying if they accuse you of stuff you haven't done/don't believe. I had one call me 'a Brexiteer.' I voted Remain but I think it was a democratic vote and should be acted on whatever I think of it. That doesn't make me 'a Brexiteer.' Really irritating! Then she went on about how I had labelled her as something. (I hadn't at all.)

Oh and antisemitism; and anything really where people turn nasty.

Turning nasty over politics in general (or anything) I would block people for nowadays I suppose. I used to bend over backwards to try and win someone's friendship- even if someone were texting me telling me to fuck off I would be trying to win them back. Not now- I pre-emptively block when people start being nasty, to save the hurt.

@Chloemol

I think you just need to be grateful she has shown her true colours and let it go. Unfollow her on any social media , block her and be the bigger person and move on.

From what you have said she’s coming across as an intolerant bully, and someone you don’t need in your life

This is good advice.

Your friend sounds exhausting!

When is the last time you had a great time with her or great conversation which made you feel warm and positive? What you describe is not how friends behave. It's not about intellectual combat.

Block her back and conserve your energies for real friends.

I agree with @EmpressoftheMundane, it does feel as if the art of debate and the concept of tolerance have been lost recently, which is so unhealthy. It's also counter-productive - what hope do you have of convincing others to adopt a particular viewpoint when all you do is spew hate at them? Try some reasoned arguments instead!

I came off SM a few years ago,because I started seeing Facebook posts (shows it was a while ago) that really shocked me. People whom I thought were kind and tolerant spouted real vitriol online towards others with even slightly different views - it really changed my perception of them.

I'd let your so-called friend go and I expect she'll regret losing you. What a horrible way to treat you.

Fantastic post @TalkingtoLangClegintheDark

This group think where if you don't follow the set agenda by posting on SM or clap at the right time or agree with a vocal minority, you get singled out for vilification and abuse is very dangerous. Much more dangerous than extreme right wing views that can be marginalised through debate on the position they take. Anyone who has any reading of history knows this is exactly how extreme government forms. Redefining words, isolating people with differing views, blurring truth, reinventing history and scaring people into group think and getting people to inform and out people not conforming. Sound familiar? Explanation on how the KGB operated in Litherania in an ex KGB prison now a museum in Vilnius. And the worst bit. Most of the work was done by people outing people in their communities for not toeing the party line with different thoughts, and the KGB just cleaned up those outside the group. 20 year friendships ended because of a view that you can understand a well written essay by a well respected author that went out of its way to try and explain the rationale for the position taken. Then serious unfounded allegations of being a racist, which if true would ruin your career, then publishing private communication to support a rabid vilification. We certainly live in dangerous times.

It really boggles me that some people are so unable to have relationships with those who think differently than themselves. Their family gatherings must be fun.

Ironically I think these are the same people who some years ago wouldn't be allowing their kids to hang around with Catholics/Jews/Freethinkers.

OP - i have had something like this happen, and even when it reveals something really unpleasant about the person, it feels awful. Like a sort of terrible shock.

@Unpopularopinion1 Firstly, it isn't just women who menstruate. Trans men and non binary people do too. Also, a woman is not defined by menstruation. Many women do not menstruate which does not make them any less a woman. Transwomen ARE women. JK has form for transphobic posts. Many people here don't seem to see that and I am not here to post every single thing she has tweeted with a reply why what she is saying is wrong. If you are willing to learn and be educated, then you are willing to read up and find out why.

However, the other points your friend made seems uncalled for (unless you have made comments in the past to the contrary).

If I was your friend and new you, I would try to have an open dialogue with you and explain why if you were willing to listen. Listening is how we learn. Your friend seems to have cut straight to insults and cutting you off. I can see how that would make you feel awful.

I have cut off friends for being racist/homophobic/transphobic etc. I have no time for it. However, I will always give somebody a chance.

Lastly, you say you would never want a trans person treated badly, yet you don't agree with people who menstruate only women. That is hurting trans people.

@SadSisters Those who are trying to find trans-inclusive language to talk about menstruation say ‘people who menstruate’, which is person-centred and quite different.

No, it is NOT different. It is a deliberate thing to 'otherise' women. WOMEN menstruate. Men, don't have a uterus, ovaries, thus don't. There is nothing nuanced about that. You've just proven that it is only the Trans Rights Activists that talk about menstruation. 'People' don't menstruate. WOMEN menstruate. Using 'people' is deliberately inflammatory and is used by extremist TRAs to hijack womanhood. It is deliberately inflammatory and abusive.

I saw the following image/s on Facebook and it shows how sexist, woman-hating and deeply offensive this 'menstruators' 'people who menstruate' thing is, and their hypocrisy.

JK has form for transphobic posts. Many people here don't seem to see that and I am not here to post every single thing she has tweeted with a reply why what she is saying is wrong. If you are willing to learn and be educated, then you are willing to read up and find out why.

Oh stop it. You won’t post it, because it doesn’t exist and when TRAs try to point out a particular thing she has said, they deliberately take it out of context. You just don’t like the fact that she’s trying to help protect women’s rights.

Only those with female bodies, aka women, menstruate. No amount of emotional blackmail, twisting of reality or fake science is ever going to change that. The fact that the TRAs and their cheer leaders are trying to replace women with the word menstruaters hurts women, but I don’t suppose you care about that.

I have cut off friends for being racist/homophobic/transphobic etc. I have no time for it. However, I will always give somebody a chance

In other words, unless your friends capitulate to your demands to follow your beliefs, you’ll drop them. That’s not friendship, that’s immature bullying.

I add an example of the 'women' who have threatened with violence and abused Rowling. And they wonder why we are fighting so hard to retain our safe spaces!!!

@Katypyee You are very misinformed, and womenphobic. Transwomen are NOT women. Sorry, but that is biology. How does saying women menstruate hurt trans people? Saying people menstruate HURTS WOMEN. You sound deeply ill-informed and prejudiced.

While I don't necessarily agree with your views (and that's OK) I do feel that publicly calling people out and shaming others sometimes strays into a new kind of virtue signaling.