Close friend ended friendship due to 'difference in morals'

[Unpopularopinion1]

Name changed. I'm really hurt by what's happened, and I'm struggling with being told my opinions, which I've never thought are anything too uncommon, are that 'disgusting' (her words) that she cannot continue the friendship. We had a disagreement about a certain subject, which led to her blocking me. A few days later she unblocked me and attacked me with all these messages about different topics, asking me outright what I think as some sort of test, before concluding my answers weren't good enough for her high standards.

AIBU for thinking two close friends, of decades, should be able to have different opinions without cutting ties? I'm not sure I have any choice but to let it go. I'm just angry.

Why do arguments from people disagreeing with jk insist that the rest of us need educating?
This crops up on lots of topics and the feeling is that they mean in an 'Educating facility'that you come out of nicely brainwashed.

I just wanted to say that it is ridiculous for someone who thinks they are a leftist to support a huge increase in the national debt. This means that the taxes people pay will go to pay the interest and principal on these loans and only whatever is left-over can be used to health services, education, roads and the social safety net.

As for BLM, I have occasionally reposted about some abuse, but generally just read what my black friends say.

And it's madness to condemn JKR as transphobic. So all in all, OP, you are better off without such an opinionated and ill-informed person as a friend, who doesn't even have a good heart.

OP, twitter is an absolutely horrid cesspit. I rarely ever use it now. Mainly use Facebook, and that is bad enough, but twitter is really the bullies playground and attracts life's dregs.

So JKR writes a 3700 word essay outlining her thoughts and the reasons for them in a concilitorary tone and the response is hundreds of people saying 'suck my dick'.
Well that should win the argument
Whatever you think of her views, she's brave. I know money cushions you, but she is still brave to face up the unhinged mob that thinks shouting 'suck my dick' will bring everyone around to their way of thinking.

Your friend is absolutely nuts and you are better off without her. Sorry this has happened to you OP. It's always upsetting when someone close to you who you thought was a good friend turns out to be a bully.

I also agree with PPs who have said that Twitter is vile. I would simply stay away from it. It's automatic stance seems to be confrontational and arsey. It brings out the worst it people.

Well I’d never end a friendship over views unless they were very extreme, nor would I end a friendship over the person being a bit thick. But that said I still think you’re better off without her.

@Coyoacan the underlying premise of far left policies is to make people dependent on the government so that the government is able to effectively dictate everyone’s living standards. This is difficult to achieve when people are able to earn enough to support themselves and choose their own healthcare provider, education, etc., a good way to get around this without being to provocative is to increase debt then increase taxes to pay for it.

@Unpopularopinion1

The initial argument was because I didn’t agree that JK Rowling was transphobic. I would never want a trans person to be treated badly, but I am a women and don’t want to be a ‘person who menstruates’ she blocked me for this opinion. A few days later she unblocked and said she’s sad about ending the friendship, but she can’t be friends with a transphobic racist. I again reiterated I’m not transphobic, and asked how I was racist. She said my “silence about black lives matter was loud” and told her all she needs to know about me. I argued this was unfair and I didn’t see why I needed to post on my private social media with limited followers, but that I’d signed the petitions. She replied saying “ok then tory” despite the fact I’ve never voted conservative. Since then she has been tweeting about it’s always the people you don’t expect who are the biggest racists/transphobes etc. She also screenshot a text I’d sent about the our national debt being higher than the economy since lockdown and how it’s worrying and she tweeted the screenshot alongside the words “Tory mentality: Worried more about the economy than lives. Might as well wish the vulnerable dead” if I’m really missing the mark, educate me, don’t make me feel like a terrible person, embarrass me online and then cut all ties.

She's a twat and she's playing "jury by social media"

That kind of "friend" is exhausting and you'd always be scared to breathe in case you didn't meet her exacting 'script' of what you can and cannot believe and say.

You are absolutely better off without her, she needs to grow up, but it would take more time than either of you have lives.

@Timekeeper1

OP, twitter is an absolutely horrid cesspit. I rarely ever use it now. Mainly use Facebook, and that is bad enough, but twitter is really the bullies playground and attracts life's dregs.

^this

1000% this!

Well that is an interesting interpretation, EmperorCovidula, but not one I subscribe to. I think that a health service designed to make a profit is an appalling abomination and I don't want to see a society where sick and disabled cannot afford to live a dignified life.

But I live in a country (Mexico) where we have a huge national debt and nothing to show for it. Half the country's budget goes to pay the national debt every year and in the 1980s, the IMF ruled here because we owed so much, insisting that every had to be privatised.

She sounds like an insufferable oversharer. I think it's bang out of order for her to share a text you sent her online, never mind anything else. And it is unreasonable to expect your friends to share all your opinions. Mine don't. That's how life works.

She sounds like a muppet don't waste any more time worrying what she thinks of your way of thinking she's gonna regret losing a good friend

This was not your fault and not your doing.

This is also the sort of intolerance and claptrap that led me to leave the Labour party. There is nothing so intolerant as people like these sure of their own views. But if you actually pointed out that they were intolerant, and bigoted and demsontrating a real cultural and lingusitic violence you would be crucified. It's an irony that is lost on them.

You sound terribly hurt but really- it is NOT your doing.

I think I would have to post something and defriend and block so that was the end of it. Something like ..

‘You’ve twisted every opinion I hold so that I bizzarly fit into a tori, racist and transphobic boxes. You’ve now bullied me through public shaming for opinions I don’t hold. Yes let’s call it a day, you’re clearly gunning for me regardless of any opinion I hold’

f I was your friend and new you, I would try to have an open dialogue with you and explain why if you were willing to listen. Listening is how we learn. Your friend seems to have cut straight to insults and cutting you off. I can see how that would make you feel awful

You are exactly the type of person who is a problem. You are saying you want to educate this friend and then if they don't capitulate to this re-education and think what you tell them to then you will cut them off.

Does the listening go both ways? If I decided to "educate" you on why JK Rowling was right would you listen?

I have had similar too. I worked with victims of domestic and sexual abuse, which by extension was also working with any women working as sex workers and one’s in and out of prison, before having children so you’d think my (now ex) friend would be interested in why I believe same-sex safe-spaces should be retained. Nope. Just an instant delete and “cryptic” 🥱 statuses about how all TERFs can get in the sea and how if your feminism isn’t inclusive of trans women, you’re a bigot.

@Unpopularopinion1

The initial argument was because I didn’t agree that JK Rowling was transphobic. I would never want a trans person to be treated badly, but I am a women and don’t want to be a ‘person who menstruates’ she blocked me for this opinion. A few days later she unblocked and said she’s sad about ending the friendship, but she can’t be friends with a transphobic racist. I again reiterated I’m not transphobic, and asked how I was racist. She said my “silence about black lives matter was loud” and told her all she needs to know about me. I argued this was unfair and I didn’t see why I needed to post on my private social media with limited followers, but that I’d signed the petitions. She replied saying “ok then tory” despite the fact I’ve never voted conservative. Since then she has been tweeting about it’s always the people you don’t expect who are the biggest racists/transphobes etc. She also screenshot a text I’d sent about the our national debt being higher than the economy since lockdown and how it’s worrying and she tweeted the screenshot alongside the words “Tory mentality: Worried more about the economy than lives. Might as well wish the vulnerable dead” if I’m really missing the mark, educate me, don’t make me feel like a terrible person, embarrass me online and then cut all ties.

Wow!

Crack open the bubbly! Getting rid of her will only enhance your life!

Honestly you’ve done nothing wrong and she’s literally inventing issues to bash you with now.

Block her right back, delete her from everything and shut the door on her and her lunatic ideas.

Unfortunately sometimes we do get to the point where a friendship cannot survive. I had a conversation with dp following the jk Rowling issue and he says he does now understand how you can be trans rights but still want to have protections as a biological woman but I was worried, it's quite pivotal. I've got a few old friends I seriously disagree with but I can put their views aside (think right wing, nationalist) as I don't see them much

Has anyone noticed these issues rarely arise WRT trans men (FTM)? I believe this is because MTF trans were socialized as men, and still retain the entitlement of men. Many have the attitude of, to hell with women (I use that word purposely). What we (MTF) desire, up to demanding lesbians date women with penises, supersedes the needs or desires of cis women.

She sounds horrible. You are better off without her. In a decade or so if she has children, hopefully she will step back and think.

@calmcoolandcollected

Has anyone noticed these issues rarely arise WRT trans men (FTM)? I believe this is because MTF trans were socialized as men, and still retain the entitlement of men. Many have the attitude of, to hell with women (I use that word purposely). What we (MTF) desire, up to demanding lesbians date women with penises, supersedes the needs or desires of cis women.

Yes, I do worry about the complete marginalisation of trans men. They seem completely missing from the argument but I worry that they will suffer from the precedent set by going along with TWAW. For example, I worry that if anyone who identifies as a woman are put into female prisons, it will mean trans men would be put into male prisons. This is where the argument gets sticky for me. I don’t have any friends who campaign for that so presumably they don’t believe TMAM in the same way TWAW. Which completely discredits their argument for me and it makes it difficult for me to take them seriously.

Spot on @calmcoolandcollected.
More than that; the expectation is that they can mansplain 'being a woman' to other women, because although they are 'women' they have the expectations (ingrained by a male upbringing) that they know best and that silly little biological women should shut up and be educated.

You're not the odd one out, OP. You're in the quiet minority. Fascism is on the rise again, one day I'm sure us normal people will take a stance but I guess we're not at that stage yet. We're still losing jobs in droves due to wrong-think (most of it very tame). Eventually, the tables have got to turn. Once most people wake up to it. Twitter is the problem. I'd leave tbh. It's difficult to argue with empty platitudes with sound reasoning in so few characters. That's how this has been allowed to happen. "Kind" statements are difficult to find fault with (such as "TWAW!") and more difficult to argue against in a few short characters. Everyone on this thread basically saying it's ok to be "transphobic" but you can't be "racist" etc are also the problem. I believe that unless you're actively out there suggesting black people are inferior you're alright. I might disagree but opinions are opinions. If you wanna say ALM or argue against white privilege go ahead. I'm not gonna report you to your job etc for it. I'd simply disagree and move on. Same with "homophobia". If you think it's ok for people to do as they please behind closed doors but aren't sure gay marriage is the right step, good for you. It's just your opinion. We all need to be more tolerant because right now, we're not. And we're alienating people. It's like the witch hunts again. People are such sheep...

Well people can end friendships for whatever reasons they like. Sounds like events of the past few years have shown significant differences in each of your values.

I'd be edging away too. But how she's handled is a bit OTT.