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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the royal family should have been more sensitive

232 replies

lootsharks · 21/06/2020 17:45

Prince Charles tweeted: "Whether you are a Father, a Dad, a Daddy or a Pa, wishing you a Happy Father's Day!"

How about a short addition thinking of people who have lost their fathers given how many families have been affected by bereavement this year? They could have put 'and thinking of those without their fathers today'

OP posts:
Inkpaperstars · 21/06/2020 19:58

I agree OP, I think in his position he could have done a little better. I am not offended, but I think he could have done better.

JinglingHellsBells · 21/06/2020 19:59

So that would mean OP that everyone in the media and public eye would have to have a caveat on Father's Day to say' Oh and by the way...'

You are being ridiculous. Sorry.

ArriettyJones · 21/06/2020 19:59

What do you want @user1498572889 ? A medal?

You’re not feeling sensitive but OP is. You’re two different people, you see. 🙄

Thisismytimetoshine · 21/06/2020 19:59

Gthink in his position he could have done a little better. I am not offended, but I think he could have done better.*
In his position? A little better?? What rot!

Mulhollandmagoo · 21/06/2020 19:59

YABU, but I suspect you know that, and in this instance i think it's warranted to be oversensitive as it must be horrific for you today Flowers

My MIL died very suddenly 8 years ago now and, for the first two or three mother's days my husband was absolutely beside himself with grief it would knock him for days, my heart broke for him everytime we went into a shop and there were gigantic banners everywhere and TV adverts and people's posts on social media, so it must be cutting for you to see people with their dads everywhere, but a few years in things got easier for him, and now it's a very bittersweet day for him as he does have really nice memories of the day with his mum and we talk about her and he tells our daughter about her and me and him and our daughter have a lovely day, so hang on in there OP, today will be the worst one and I'm sending lots of love your way ❤️

Definitely worth taking note of @BlusteryShowers post, practice self preservation, take yourself away from anything you know is going to be difficult for you to deal with and remember how much you enjoyed celebrating your dad when he was here, other people will naturally do the same, and ignore some of the really nasty posts on here you've had a particularly rough time! Go get some chocolate, something alcoholic and have a good cry X

TeddyIsaHe · 21/06/2020 20:00

Op I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I know how fucking hard it is to lose someone, especially in these awful times.

Be kind to yourself, and ignore the hideous people on here.

mrsBtheparker · 21/06/2020 20:00

Cause of death is irrelevant

Not sure about that, the first thing I get asked is Was it Covid? and there's almost a sigh of relief when I say No, or even a feeling that his death is less important than others because it wasn't Covid.

Original poster
lootsharks · 21/06/2020 20:02

It's irrelevant to me but clearly not to others, I'm sorry if people are lessening it because it wasn't covid. All bereavements are so hard, whatever the cause.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 21/06/2020 20:04

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter

YABU- I lost my dad in 2017, are you saying that my loss is not as important as people who have lost their dads to covid? If you want to be offended at prince charles, then I take offence to YOUR suggestion because it suggests only those who died of covid are worth remembering....thats really offensive.
I think that's massively overreaching, op hasn't said her grief is more special than yours. The details were just to give context to her irrationality - it new and unprocessed. Statement of fact pertaining to her.
SerenityNowwwww · 21/06/2020 20:06

I lost my dad (and mum). This year I have got so many emails from companies offering to take me off lists in case a Father’s Day upset upset me (I don’t remember getting any such for Mother’s Day).

It’s not all about ‘me’ and I would never want anyone to feel that they couldn’t celebrate Father’s Day or Mother’s Day in that basis. What next - not celebrate your childs birthday in case it upsets a friend or relative who can’t have kids?

MrsFrankDrebin · 21/06/2020 20:06

OP. I'm sorry this is a difficult day for you. FWIW I lost my dad at the end of last year. This is my first Father's Day without him.. (This year was also the 2nd Yr without my mum too) Just look after yourself as best you can. That's what I've done. Flowers

PetiteMuffin · 21/06/2020 20:08

I am so fed up with people being so sensitive and not being able to say certain things in case you offend them.

I have a friend who can’t have children... her and her husband are so anti children and families now. They get upset by Father’s Day/Mother’s Day, first day at school pictures, children being in restaurants and the list goes on.... I have other friends who can’t have children yet embrace other people’s children and show them love.

Stop wallowing in misery and be happy for others and celebrate children.

As for Father’s Day... we all have a father who gave us life whether he’s with us, passed away, never been in our lives, etc. Celebrate the father you have, remember the father you had, even celebrate the father you never knew because without him you wouldn’t be here. Look for the positive in things, not the negative.

SerenityNowwwww · 21/06/2020 20:09

I’m sorry for everyone here who has lost their dad (and mum) - it sucks, it really does.

But I know my dad would say ‘don’t be an idiot’ if someone told him a fathers death needed to be referenced every time it was Father’s Day (and my dad was particularly close to his dad and the only time I ever saw him visibly upset and close to tears was she he spoke about his dad - and he died well before I was born).

user1498572889 · 21/06/2020 20:10

@ArriettyJones so because people are soooo sensitive some bloke is not allowed to wish every living father a happy Father’s Day. If your feeling sad go somewhere quiet have a think have a cry don’t go posting on a forum about how insensitive it is. Because it isn’t insensitive It’s normal.

Userzzz · 21/06/2020 20:15

YABU

JellyFishSquish · 21/06/2020 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Dailyjunglegrind · 21/06/2020 20:21

OP go with sentiment over form, otherwise the message gets lost in the list of possibile scenarios 💐

Siepie · 21/06/2020 20:30

I've always found father's day hard for a different reason. My father was physically abusive to me. Father's day is a reminder that other people got loved while I got hurt.

I don't expect other people to hide how much they love their fathers. I know that it's got nothing to do with other people, and I try to feel happy for people who have good relationships.

MrBennsshop · 21/06/2020 20:35

Such nastiness and lack of compassion on this thread. The OP isn't offended, she's recently bereaved and grieving. Do none of you remember the early stages of grief when it's impossible to believe the world is still turning? OP I'm sorry you're struggling, it will get better but maybe father's Day will always be a difficult day.

Flowers for you and ignore the nasty buggers.

Inkpaperstars · 21/06/2020 20:37

Well every marketing email in my inbox manages to make some sort of gesture, so I don't think it is too much to expect Charles to do so. He sets himself up as the type who would.

I don't care that he didn't, I don't expect him to, I am not remotely offended 'whatever offended means'. I am just saying, he could have done better.

It's not just about people whose fathers have died, it is about father's whose children have died.

But as I say, I am not one to care what Prince Charles tweets. I just think it's wrong to have a go at the OP because she is right. He could have done better.

AdelaideK · 21/06/2020 20:39

Did you care a few years ago when your dad was still alive? Lots of people had lost their dad's then but it probably didtn bother you as you weren't affected by it.

Original poster
lootsharks · 21/06/2020 20:48

@AdelaideK

Did you care a few years ago when your dad was still alive? Lots of people had lost their dad's then but it probably didtn bother you as you weren't affected by it.
As it happens, yes. Every mother or fathers day I've posted on FB to say thinking of those without their mother/father. I've never posted 'happy mothers/fathers day' to my own parents on FB. Of course you'll probably claim that I am just saying that.
OP posts:
Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 21/06/2020 20:53

Obviously by now you know youre bu, can I suggest in future take a day or 2 away from social media and look after yourself. Its not the rest of the worlds responsibility to pre-empt everyone else's emotional response to things, it's our own to protect ourselves.
My dad died when I was 10, lost my mum at 21 dh similar situation, you have to try to remember the good and protect yourself - not expect others to.

ArriettyJones · 21/06/2020 21:00

[quote user1498572889]@ArriettyJones so because people are soooo sensitive some bloke is not allowed to wish every living father a happy Father’s Day. If your feeling sad go somewhere quiet have a think have a cry don’t go posting on a forum about how insensitive it is. Because it isn’t insensitive It’s normal.[/quote]
Nope. I said OP was BU about Prince C, but she’s BingU because she’s upset and there’s absolutely no need for you to be swearing and generally being spiteful to somebody who is upset, is there?

Willow2017 · 21/06/2020 21:01

He is wishing all fathers happy fathers day. He isnt saying "I wish all mothers. Fathers, children, grannies, grandad etc a HFD"

God some people just look for stuff to link to bloody covid. People die every year including fathers. Are we all supposed to ignore special days because someone somewhere isn't?

I'm not offended at all, but it would be nice if sometimes there wasn't the assumption that everyone is a parent.

That doesn't even make sense! Its ^Fathers Day he was wishing Fathers a happy day! If they arent a parent then they arent Fathers^