DH holds his knife like a pen

[user8558]

It drives me nuts.

It's pathetic that it irritates me the way it does. I don't nag him. I don't even bring it up (once ten years ago I did point out it wasn't the correct way, he asked what it was to me, I said it drives me crazy but that that's my issue)

It drives me silently crazy every day.

I'm ridiculous, why can't I just let it go?

I can't believe some of the bigotry on here. I know some people are being lighthearted about what annoys them, but plenty are clearly not - unless they're deliberately trying to be goady.

Why are you even watching how other people are holding their cutlery instead of concentrating on your own food? As for proclaiming it a 'class issue', why don't you just come out and say it: "I think I'm better than you purely because I hold my cutlery in one particular arbitrary way" ?

It's so pathetic and controlling. How would you feel if your husband took it upon himself to train you in the 'proper' way he believes (or Debrett's says) that a lady should dress for dinner every evening?

You might as well sneer at the French for speaking the 'wrong' language or at people who live in flats for living in the 'wrong' kind of housing - just because it differs from your own circumstances. I'll bet none of the people on this thread would dare to scoff at the 'lower-class' cultures in the world that use squat toilets or just a hole in the ground - why don't we jeer at them for 'not understanding' the 'proper' way to go to the toilet? After all, it must matter sooooo much to me how another person prefers to perform a necessary human function.

This reminds me of the old thread about the nosey neighbour who challenged the people who moved in across the road for not opening their curtains in the day. IIRC, they both left for work whilst it was still dark and didn't get home before it got dark again (no children). She kept badgering them and insisting they must have them open in the day - when they asked why this was necessary, all she could come up with was rubbish like 'Well, erm, it's proper - it's, ah, just what people do".

If you really want everybody to know how great you consider yourself to be, do a great thing that makes you rise above others who haven't or can't do it - and then still wait for others to praise you for it. Don't be so pathetic as to seize on a something as pathetic and childish as "Well, she holds her cutlery differently from me!"

You just sound like the school bullies who make fun of other children for having the 'wrong' bag or coat. They're obviously 'wrong' because they're different from yours, which must therefore be 'right', because it's what YOU chose.

People who care about his other people put food in their mouthes need to get out more.
We talk about autonomy and not forcing women to do things, etc etc...but somehow it’s ok to belittle and try and control something so utterly petty and irrelevant.
Table manners and all the bullshit rules are dreamt up with people who have no actual problems.
As a dyspraxic left hander who was humiliated daily by my head teacher at school for eating and holding my pen incorrectly and A million other tiny insults it’s a horrible thing to do to someone.

Desmond, I predict that they'll say oh no, it's different if you have a disability. Ignoring the fact that they have no idea if the acquaintances, colleagues, or strangers in restaurants that they're judging for it have one or not.

I cannot eat with people that cannot hold cutlery. It isn't difficult, you're taught as a child. It's so affected, and looks so ducking stupid.

You could always try concentrating on eating your own food and then looking at their faces when talking to them between mouthfuls. People must think you extremely rude if you choose to spend your time at social meals staring across at their hands and tutting.

As has already been covered on here (and should just be common sense anyway), many people hold cutlery in the way that they find practical owing to a disability, learning difficulty, sensory issues or other condition, which may be visible or hidden. Don't you think that disabled and non-NT folk have enough to contend with in life without having people like you sneering at how 'stupid' they look when managing their own lives the best they can?

It’s a bit of a jump for people to say others internal opinions of annoying table habits and bad manners-local etiquette is important in all societies globally-is being non-inclusive!! Humans will always judge others as you are now doing

@DappledThings

HKLP winds me right up as well. As does holding cutlery the wrong way round. As a left-hander with two left-handed parents who all hold cutlery correctly it really annoys me when the wrong way round is called "left-handed".

Interesting. I have just called it the left handed way as being left handed and find it very hard to do it the standard way. All I know is I can’t can’t control my knife well at all in my right hand so why make my life harder by doing something I can’t do well.

Sorry realise I didn’t finish my second sentence in my comment above. Meant to write, ‘I have just called it the left handed way as being left handed and finding holding the knife in my right hand v awkward I presumed it was due to being left handed, happy to be corrected on the terminology. I won’t be changing how I do it though!

I live with 2 people who have strict views on how certain things should be. It drives them crazy if I randomly do something that they think is wrong. So what do I do? I deliberately do things in a way that I know unsettles them. For example I wear a T Shirt inside out or spin our globe so we are looking at the Americas rather than Europe. Entertains me. I suspect your DH is doing the same.

Ltb

I think obviously the “rules” do not apply to people who have disabilities. The detractors are using that reason, however, as a means to attack other posters. There is a correct way to use cutlery and people are within their rights to say so if they wish.
I notice when people use a knife like a pen.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll climb down off your own high horse. As you can clearly see, I made no mention of people with disabilities or from other cultures so desist from conflating my comments with something far more serious.

I don't sit tutting but I sure won't eat Withy Jem again as it spoils my own dining experience. I suspect a bit like eating with you would.

As you can clearly see, I made no mention of people with disabilities or from other cultures so desist from conflating my comments with something far more serious.

How do you know everybody's hidden disabilities or cultural backgrounds? Do you only ever eat in the presence of people you know very, very well? I know you didn't actually spell it out this way, but what your post seems to be saying to me is that people who eat in a way that doesn't meet with your approval look stupid, however, if you know or they care to inform you that they have a disability, you are willing to accept their 'looking stupid'.

It is so definitely a class thing....

I used to amuse myself by referring to 'the toilet' or 'the lounge' when my brother was around just to make him grind his teeth with rage. In fact he made me so nervous about what 'the room with soft seating and tve' should or shouldn't be called that I just call it 'the..er..er...lounge'. Everything was wrong...'sitting room 'living room' 'front room' he would find some reason to correct you.
Dreadful behaviour really. I may do the HKLP thing if I ever have to eat with him again just fir the craic

@candilemon

I think obviously the “rules” do not apply to people who have disabilities. The detractors are using that reason, however, as a means to attack other posters. There is a correct way to use cutlery and people are within their rights to say so if they wish. I notice when people use a knife like a pen.

And I'm within my rights to think those people are ableist stuck-up cunts.

The correct way to use cutlery is whatever way gets the job done.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll you really have got me stuck in your teeth haven't you. As a matter of fact I do chose to eat with my back to the room.

Destroyedpeople

It is so definitely a class thing....

I used to amuse myself by referring to 'the toilet' or 'the lounge' when my brother was around just to make him grind his teeth with rage. In fact he made me so nervous about what 'the room with soft seating and tve' should or shouldn't be called that I just call it 'the..er..er...lounge'. Everything was wrong...'sitting room 'living room' 'front room' he would find some reason to correct you.

The term “sitting room” is acceptable, surely!
What did he call it, pray?! I hope he didn’t call it the “colouring in room” or - horror of pretentious horrors - the drawing room?

Oh he was so contrary...he just liked correcting anything I said at all. Not 'drawing room ' no that would have been pretentious. I am sure our mother told us to say 'sitting room'....

90% of my table manners are acceptable...apart from the fact I hold my knife like a pen. I didn’t have a clue until my grandmothers friend commented. It’s just second nature and I don’t notice...haven’t thought about it for over 15 years and this thread popped up

It isn't really a class thing, no, although its something often adopted by those who THINK it makes them look posh... when in fact it signifies the opposite.

Holding your knife properly means you cut efficiently and are far less likely to slip, clatter the plate or fire lumps of food across the table.

You can't cut properly if you HKLP, you have to dab and stab away at it which is revolting and distracting.

The rules for which hand stem from lots of people eating around a table together - if everyone does it the same way, you don't end up elbowing each other, everyone has space.

Now we don't all eat around a table with tons of cutlery and little room, it doesn't matter so much, and of course now we don't force left handed people to do everything right handed, so that one can be let go.

What can't people understand?? Get a knife, hold it like a pen. See what op means??

My ex-boyfriend used to do the same and it drove me nuts! It's also so inefficient 🤣

@Clevererthanyou

Get a grip you sad little people

I get food on my tits every single meal 👍

Maybe one of the rolled plastic bibs ?@Clevererthanyou

It could be worse - my mum says I hold cutlery like early man discovering tools

You people crack me up. I thought you were serious at first but now I get it... HKLP... VERY funny