DH holds his knife like a pen

[user8558]

It drives me nuts.

It's pathetic that it irritates me the way it does. I don't nag him. I don't even bring it up (once ten years ago I did point out it wasn't the correct way, he asked what it was to me, I said it drives me crazy but that that's my issue)

It drives me silently crazy every day.

I'm ridiculous, why can't I just let it go?

Left-handed people often use cutlery with the opposite hands though, and that doesn't bother me at all. Nor does using a fork in the American way, in the right hand, after you have cut everything up.
What does rile me is people who hold a dessert spoon in their fist and use it like a shovel.

Remove all the knives from your cutlery drawer so he has to eat with a fork only, not very practical but cheaper than a divorce :)

I know a couple of people who hold it like that, and while it doesn't annoy me, it looks very odd and impractical!

@Andwoooshtheyweregone I can’t use my left hand for the fork I have tried and I can’t. Let’s face it my left hand can’t even be trusted to use a pencil so it can’t be trusted to wield a fork. If you get dp round up about unimportant details maybe you should look into that. I’ll be over here using my fork in my right hand!

Like a pen I think I could live with; mine holds his like a spade. Sort of like a fist with the handle poked through his clenched fist.... mind you when his parents last came for tea his mum commented on how she hadn’t realised the kids were all left handed (they aren’t) as ‘they were all using their cutlery with the fork in their left hands’. So he’s probably beyond redemption anyway. I’ve taught myself to ignore his cutlery issues.....but it is HARD!!! 🙄

I wouldn't even notice, much less care.

My husband does this and claims it's the proper way and that I do it wrong

OP, the answer is to cut up all his food for him like a toddler

You’ll be told here that you’re a snob for a) noticing and b) caring but it would bother me too, so YANBU.

Left to his own devices, DH would hold a spoon in his fist like a toddler. I told him very early on in the relationship that it bothered me.

DHs cousin does, and has no table manners in general, I feel sick sat opposite him.
I don't understand how its possibly effective, you need the knife below your hand to apply downward pressure.

My eldest son holds his knife like that and I've advised him not to do it, but he just refuses to believe that it's a thing.

Not sure I could have married him tbh

Do people really control how other adults choose to hold their cutlery? I'd make a sharp exit from any relationship where someone disapproved of the way I held my knife or spoon.

My colleague holds his spoon like I imagine a caveman would've held the equivalent- grips it. Picture a toddler who's just learned to use cutlery. Makes me heave.

He's 42

If this is irritating you enough that you it could be a deal breaker, I wonder if there are other underlying things going on?
It's just a quirk, and if that's his normal why haven't you commented in the 20 years you've been together? 🧐

I have issues with what I classify as poor table manners too, incorrect use of cutlery, noisey eating etc, I have to really focus elsewhere so as not to snap or show it, I think because ultimately I know it’s my issue and it doesn’t matter really how people eat.

I think it's good table manners to hold your knife like that as it keeps your elbows in when you're sat next to someone, much ruder to be jabbing them in the ribs when you're slicing into your steak. Holding your fork like that is a big no.

HKLP = the worst!

I hate this and it drove me crazy with an ex. There are whole forums devoted to the wrongness of this . I am about to get flamed but I've noticed it's generally a working class thing and also more northern and usually women. Do they genuinely think it's more 'posh' perhaps?

Just in case anyone cares, Princess Diana held her knife like a pen, too.

Would drive me batty - LTB.

My partner does this too. Early on in the relationship (28 years ago) I asked why — pointed out that you have so much more control if you hold the knife properly — and got a blank look. What can you say if they don't take the hint?

I see it everywhere now and I don't think it's regarded as an issue these days. A year or two ago we had maybe eight or nine friends to supper, nothing fancy, and I looked round the table and realised that the majority were holding their knives like pens. They were all people who you would have thought would have been taught properly. One of them spent years managing a major London museum and dining out with the great and good, another worked in the City and has eaten in posh restaurants the world over, but they were both at my table with their knife-pens in their hands. My mum would have had a fit.

@DrDetriment

I hate this and it drove me crazy with an ex. There are whole forums devoted to the wrongness of this . I am about to get flamed but I've noticed it's generally a working class thing and also more northern and usually women. Do they genuinely think it's more 'posh' perhaps?

What?

I used to care about this sort of thing but now I do not. It is not, remotely, what is important about a person's quality. Let it go. You'll feel much better for it, and so will your DH. There are more important things in life. What are his qualities? What are your imperfections?

You must LTB immediately. Seriously OP, if this is all your DH does wrong then you are very lucky.

I am quite sure that princess Diana did not hold her knife like a pen..... the very idea!