DH holds his knife like a pen

[user8558]

It drives me nuts.

It's pathetic that it irritates me the way it does. I don't nag him. I don't even bring it up (once ten years ago I did point out it wasn't the correct way, he asked what it was to me, I said it drives me crazy but that that's my issue)

It drives me silently crazy every day.

I'm ridiculous, why can't I just let it go?

It isn't really a class thing, no, although its something often adopted by those who THINK it makes them look posh... when in fact it signifies the opposite.

It’s etiquette. You cannot spin it. That’s odd.

I’ve tried it as suggested. It’s bonkers.

Yes, its etiquette, but etiquette rules are about everyone enjoying the meal and not wanging food everywhere or clattering cutlery on plates, they are based in the practicalities of the time, not 'we are better than you' class wars.

Destroyedpeople- I could use a rolled plastic bib but a) they’re dreadful for the environment and b) I’ll miss out on the opportunity to disgust people and cause them to fall into fits of apoplectic rage.

I haven’t rtft but my husband holds his spoon like a toddler. We’ve been together 20 years but this drives me absolutely insane!! Even after I’d taught our children how to hold a spoon properly from a very young age he still persists in holding it like an animal!

@cleverthanyou

It would have annoyed me so much the first time I saw it that I would never have continued the relationship. Five year old children should know how to use cutlery properly and if he had got to adulthood without being embarrassed enough to correct himself, there would be no way I could live with him.

This makes me cringe too.....not sure why!

An older friend of ours (no longer with us) not only held his knife like a pencil, he never kept his mouth shut while eating, AND he talked (a lot!) with his mouth full and made revolting pig noises, AND he never put his knife and fork together when he’d finished.

There was always a fight in this family about who was NOT going to sit opposite him at the table - it was so gross.
He was extremely successful professionally and for many years had moved in very well educated circles, so even if his parents never taught him, how on earth he never picked up acceptable table manners I will never know.

@Mimilamore
How can you not know why it makes you cringe?
I'm honestly interested.

You can't cut properly if you HKLP, you have to dab and stab away at it which is revolting and distracting.

Really? I have hypermobility in all my fingers and HKLP is the only way I can physically exert enough pressure to cut up food without dropping the knife multiple times during the course of a meal. If I held my knife the 'correct' way then I would be dabbing and stabbing.

@YourWinter you would end a relationship with a potentially kind, loving, hard-working, loyal man because of the way he holds s knife? Are you for real?
What on earth does he have to be embarrassed about?

I was practising this after I read your post. Holding your knife like a pen is quite like the way that you hold chopsticks. Is your husband Chinese or does he eat a lot of Chinese food?

^ You do know that it is not only the Chinese who use chopsticks, are are you just a racist?

You can't cut properly if you HKLP, you have to dab and stab away at it which is revolting and distracting.

I hold my knife like a pen and can cut perfectly well. I neither dab nor stab away .

Holding your knife like a pen is quite like the way that you hold chopsticks. Is your husband Chinese or does he eat a lot of Chinese food?

I've worked with people who use Chopsticks to eat their food usually (Koreans, mostly, but also Chinese, Japanese and Vietnamese - they all argue, btw, about the correct way to hold them and have very different etiquette around that which interesting)

And I have never seen any of them hold a spoon in their fist or hold a knife like a pen. I notice things like that because they make me inwardly cringe.

Table etiquette is important in some circles, in fact i know a friend who is a senior partner in law firm who said that in the not so distant past (and maybe even now) people would often be invited for dinner with the partners before being offered a job to make sure they had good table manners.

As for all the "what about disabled people" first: this thread is lighthearted. Second: most people have said they cringe inwardly. It's not as if hordes of are diving across tables in crowded restaurants and slapping eating implements out of transgressors' hands. Or am i missing something

While I'm here: where do we stand on putting a soup spoon right in the mouth rather than sipping from it?

As for all the "what about disabled people" first: this thread is lighthearted. Second: most people have said they cringe inwardly. It's not as if hordes of are diving across tables in crowded restaurants and slapping eating implements out of transgressors' hands. Or am i missing something

I know it was intended as lighthearted, but it seems to have taken quite a turn with a number of posters away from lighthearted. It's one thing to shout jokingly "Bury him under the patio!!!" but when somebody starts pricing up the materials needed for the job and getting quotes in from tradesmen, things kind of lose their sense of fun.

Of course, everybody is free to think whatever they like, but I don't suppose many disabled people are going to be too cheered at the idea that others are 'only' smugly thinking that they are stupid rather than actually coming over and calling them stupid out loud.

it's not about thinking someone's stupid (can only speak for me) it just gives me an irrational burst of "NO! that's not how you do it".

Frankly, as long as people aren't spraying food all over me when they eat and talk, or scraping their teeth on their cutlery, scraping their cutlery on the plate etc etc when they're at my table, i don't care what people do.

Even aside from people with disabilities, sensory issues, learning difficulties or whatever - it still comes across as sneering (at best) and bullying (at worst) when addressed towards those without any kind of conditions or limitations.

When it comes to talking with your mouth full or making loud unpleasant noises, I completely agree that those behaviours are rude and antisocial and mar the enjoyment of other diners; however, I'm baffled as to know how it matters to anybody else which way somebody holds their cutlery and how they even notice - unless they're deliberately looking to find somebody they can sneer at. It's no different in principle from mocking somebody for the brand of trainers they're wearing or for carrying a Lidl carrier bag rather than one from Waitrose.

it's not about thinking someone's stupid (can only speak for me) it just gives me an irrational burst of "NO! that's not how you do it".

Fair enough, not you - but at least one poster upthread did proclaim it as 'looking stupid'.

This has disturbed DM’s genteel leanings for nearly 50 decades

@BikeRunSki how old is your mother and is she a vampire?

Cutlery habits don’t overly bother me but the worst thing I’ve seen while dining was when we were eating out at a fancy restaurant and a woman on a table nearby blew her nose on the napkin then left it on the table.

With you OP.

What really annoys me about it though is not so much that people do it at all, it's when the reason they do it is because they think that it's the 'correct' way according to etiquette.

Eat how the hell you like but don't give me that crap.

@FenellaVelour 😄. She’s getting on a bit, but admittedly not that old!

She is very particular about table manners though.

While I'm here: where do we stand on putting a soup spoon right in the mouth rather than sipping from it?

Don’t even start on soup! I absolutely judge those spooning towards themselves and those who cut up bread rolls rather than breaking pieces off them.

@Elai1978

While I'm here: where do we stand on putting a soup spoon right in the mouth rather than sipping from it?

Don’t even start on soup! I absolutely judge those spooning towards themselves and those who cut up bread rolls rather than breaking pieces off them.

So do I and really wish I didn’t but it’s completely ingrained.