DH holds his knife like a pen

[user8558]

It drives me nuts.

It's pathetic that it irritates me the way it does. I don't nag him. I don't even bring it up (once ten years ago I did point out it wasn't the correct way, he asked what it was to me, I said it drives me crazy but that that's my issue)

It drives me silently crazy every day.

I'm ridiculous, why can't I just let it go?

@DesmondTheMoonbear

Do people also become enraged when they're in the presence of people with disabilities who have to eat in an "unconventional" manner?

I can't use a knife and fork . I can only eat with a fork held in my right hand because I am disabled yet my disabilities are invisible so you'd have no idea. Perhaps I shouldn't eat in restaurants?

My boyfriend has a disability which means he has extremely limited use of his hands, all food has to be cut up and stabable or easily scooped, if it isn’t he either can’t eat the food or someone has to feed him (which he wouldn’t tolerate in public). He also has to have his fork or spoon physically strapped to his wrist (like the picture), I’ve heard people comment on it before, the worst was a colleague at his previous work place taking the piss in front of prospective clients.

@hopeishere

I watched aghast in a cafe where a young woman was basically using her fork to hold her food while she chopped at it with a knife.

So fork in left hand held vertically prongs on their tips through the food. And then sort of held around the handle. It was dreadful. A bit like the picture!

I'm confused. What's wrong with using the fork to hold the food still while you cut it? Isn't that what you are supposed to do?

I do this but didn't realise it was wrong, my husband never uses a knife!

I have a colleague who puts a huge bit of food in his mouth, bites a bit off while it hangs from his teeth and then lets the rest drop back onto the plate. It is genuinely disgusting to watch. He's a highly educated (middle class) professional and I really can't understand how he's managed to his 30s without realising or somebody pointing out how uncomfortable it makes everyone around him at meal times.

DH's table manners are not what would be considered 'correct' and I'm frustrated that our teenage/adult children have chosen to copy him, but it pales in comparison with the grimness of my colleague's.

My right-handed brother has always eaten the left- hand way, he say why would anyone put a sharp pointy object(fork) to their mouth with their less dominant hand. I guess he has point.

Oh my good god why do any of you care about this?!

Because it's polite and good manners and I would hate for that to be lost from society.

@Floatyboat

I'm right handed and I hold my knife in my left hand. It's not wrong, it's the way that I've always done it and is most comfortable to me.

No, it is wrong. You just don't care it's wrong.

There's no law or hard rule that says the fork must be heald in the left hand. It works for its intended purpose, so it's right.

I'm left handed. I eat with my fork in my left hand and knife in my right. Is that the correct way? I don't hold either like pens.

I may try tonight though.

As as child who was both left and right handed I was forced to use my right hand in primary school (70s). They made me sit on my left hand to stop me switching between them
My mum was at a convent in the 50s where she had the whole hand slapping with a ruler treatment to get her to write with her right hand. It didn't work and she is totally left-handed. Like me she takes a little pride in it as a bit of difference to the main. Despite that neither of us, or my equally left-handed father have ever considered eating the wrong way round.

*The way some of you are so bothered about a left handed person switching their knife and fork is a bit pathetic really.

Not much going on at home?*

Was about to post pretty much this^
How anyone holds a knife and fork really!

I do hold my knife in my palm but whenever I have been called out by a judgy cunt for using the wrong hand to hold my cutlery (I'm RH and hold the fork in my right) I tell them the truth - My parents were fucking useless parents and never taught me how as a child and besides the fact it's difficult to 'just' swap I don't fucking want to!
Quite simply, If someone doesn't like what hand my knife and fork is in then don't eat with me.
I can not for the life of me muster up nor imagine any rage at this!

And yes, @Floatyboat, I do care. It's ableist judgemental fucks like you judging people as pathetic for adhering to arbitrary pointless "rules" that make me too anxious to be around people. So thanks.

I hope none of your children are neurodivergent, for thier sake.

@Malbecblooms

Oh my good god why do any of you care about this?!

Because it's polite and good manners and I would hate for that to be lost from society.

Polite and good mannered? Who exactly does it harm?

@kaldefotter

I don't understand why left handed people do it like that, I mean whether you are left handed or right handed you still have one piece of cutlery in the wrong hand. Why not just make it easier on yourself and use the cutlery in the way the table is laid when you go out for a meal rather than faffing about and changing it every time?

Only a right-hander would say this.

How about you switch which hand you use for a while, and then report back on how easy it was to just switch?

Haha, I am left handed! I don't understand why some left handed people eat with the knife and fork in the wrong hands. I wouldn't be able to use my fork in my right hand and knife in my left.

@Destroyedpeople That's how I feel. Surely anyone making people feel uncomfortable because they hold their knife like a fork or hold the utensils in the "wrong" hands, is much ruder than the person they are judging?

Get him a copy of Debrett's. Or LTB.

If that is the only annoying thing he does, I would say you were deranged. Why on earth does it matter to you?. You need to speak to a mental health counsellor!

@SimonJT I'm so sorry to hear that about your boyfriend being treated like that. I've considered using aids like that because sometimes I can't grasp objects, but I don't think I'd ever feel comfortable doing so in public because of arseholes like that. The attitude of so many people towards those with disabilities is incredibly depressing.

Mine can't use a spoon to twirl the spaghetti. He chops it up with a knife and fork. Drives me mad. I mean it's not that difficult. Funnily enough I think he does it to annoy me now. He uses chopsticks perfectly fine.

Be thankful he can at least use a knife. When i first met my future Stepchildren they couldn't use cutlery at all, they were aged 7-15

The thing is, I don’t think this is “table manners”, I think it is “table etiquette”. Good manners is about making other people feel comfortable or good about themselves. So things like chewing with their mouth open, flinging food about is having poor table manners.

I used to go out with someone who clearly didn’t like the way I used cutlery. When he ate peas, he would push them onto the back of his fork with his knife pressed into the palm of his hand. Perhaps he had better table etiquette than I did - but I often felt sad and uncomfortable when I was with him.

My dad was left handed and as a child I used to set the table with his cutlery the opposite way around. He'd move it back but would always change his coaster to the left. It was logic to me that he'd use them the opposite way round but mum and dad thought I was weird. Dd1 is left handed and holds her knife and fork in what looks like a very uncomfortable way. My mum used to hold her knife like a pen until I pointed out she'd be able to cut things more easily if it was held correctly. Lightbulb moment!

@Malbecblooms

Oh my good god why do any of you care about this?!

Because it's polite and good manners and I would hate for that to be lost from society.

@Malbecblooms at their core, politeness and good manners are about having consideration for other people. Holding one's knife like a pen, or holding one's knife and fork in the 'wrong' hands, does nothing to inconvenience or offend anyone apart from petty-minded snobs.

Other table manners, such as keeping your elbows on the table, or eating with your mouth closed - I can see the practical point of those. The holds-knife-like-pen thing is simply a relic from the times when people were defined by their social class - because it indicated the offender was 'common' (ie, working class) and therefore not 'one of us'. Unlike you, I'm quite happy for that sort of thinking to be lost from society.

Keeping your elbows OFF the table, that should read. The very thought!

On the other hand - yay! for this being a thread that is not about Coronavirus / social distancing. It’s like the old Mumsnet.

DP's left-handed and his cutlery habits never bother me at all. I will admit to finding it deeply, deeply weird when I watch him chop vegetables though. I have to leave the kitchen because I want to yelp 'you'll HURT yourself!' even though he's a much better cook than I'll ever be. My brain just can't process that he's using a sharp knife in the wrong hand, as I see it. But him eating reverseways to me is entirely fine.