AIBU to ignore parents dietary wishes for their che

[Calmondeck]

(For background, I’m in a country where things have reopened)

I am currently spending a lot of time with my brother’s 2 DC, giving him and his wife a few hours break from the kids each day (they were going batty in lockdown). The DC are on extremely strict diets for ethical/environmental reasons - v limited grain/carbs, no milk, no sugar, 1 small piece a fruit per day. We were recently at the park where some other parents expressed surprise at the small frame of one of the DC.

This DC (3yrs) is always asking me for food when we are alone together. We planned to have a picnic in the park (prepared/approved snacks from home) and were joined by a friend who brought homemade banana bread and butter. Before I could stop DC, she reached for the butter and popped the entire thing in her mouth. I was silently laughing to myself, but decided not to react to DC.

DC asks me for milk for her doll (which I put into a little toy bottle and she subsequently drinks herself / pretends to feed it to the doll if within eyesight of the parents), we also sometimes sneak in a natural yogurt on our trips together and grain crackers.

I am not a parent, but can imagine feeling frustrated if someone I trusted my children’s care to was defying my groundrules. At the same time, this child is underweight, and when I enquired with my brother about whether she eats all of her dinner (worried perhaps I was creating dinner time issues for them later at home) he said the DC always eats everything she is given. AIBU to continue this little eating charade when DC is in my care?

So basically you asked what snacks were ok because she’s often a bit peckish when you babysit for a few hours and they suggested some options?

Why does the three year old see a dr regularly?

The oddest part of this whole thing is strangers commenting on her size. I have had both a severely underweight child (through illness) and a very small for age child and this really didn’t happen with either. How do they know she isn’t younger, or from a small family?. It sounds like your brother and his wife were very calm and have explained a little more so your anxiety is better. Portions size for small children can be hard to gauge. The size of the child’s fist used to be the measure but I don’t know what guidance is now.

Delayed is better than not doing it at all. Was the little girl ill when younger? Is it keto rather than paleo?

You did really well, OP. They do sound a bit obsessive.

Giving kids a healthy diet is very important but restricting food groups by choice and not by necessity (ie allergies) is a dangerous path to tread.

Great job. And good on them for being receptive.

I’d be worried about a three year old eating salmon with bones in it for calcium.

Why's that, Argumentative? If it's tinned salmon, the bones are so soft they almost crumble when you eat them. They're a good source of calcium.

Who the hell are the 37% of voters who think it's ok to deny a child milk?!

Milk is not good for you. It is mucous-producing and leeches calcium from the body. This is backed up by many studies, including a famous Harvard study.

Our DC do not drink milk and are super-healthy. I actually cannot remember the last time either of them were ill.

@Spinningdot

Why's that, Argumentative? If it's tinned salmon, the bones are so soft they almost crumble when you eat them. They're a good source of calcium.

Eurgh, I had forgotten about tinned salmon. Vile stuff.

It is vile stuff alright! My dog loves the stuff. But I think personally think milk is vile too. It turns my stomach! One of my kids likes it, the other wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.
But the truth is, as lots of previous posters including wine above, have said milk is not necessary for a healthy diet. Some studies fo show that the calcium in it is very poorly absorbed / not very bio-available. Humans are the only species to habitually drink milk beyond weaning. Of course cats love it but most cats are lactose intolerant. And genuine lactose intolerance and cow's milk protein allergy (cmpa) are on the rise. Lots of diets around the world don't include dairy at all and there aren't increased rates of calcium-deficiency or poor bone/teeth health found. Dietary calcium is best taken from plants. & dairy is said to be the most mucus-forming of all foods. I'm not saying it can't be a useful healthy part of a normal diet, if it's tolerated well, but it's certainly not necessary.

Intolerance / allergy in people, not cats! I really should proof read before posting

Keto, Paleo, crunch a few salmon bones from a tin full of God knows what.
Absolute bunkum.

A friend of mine has developed serious issues around food in recent years. She and her husband follow a vegan, sugar-free, grain-free and oil-free diet and restrict their children's diets accordingly. The oldest one (now pretty much an adult) is happy to be a vegetarian but will eat most other things when she isn't at home. She did used to spend a bit of time with us and as I considered a teenager old enough to know what she would like to eat, we let her make her own choices rather than following her mum's guidelines or giving her the dried-veg-in-a-tub she was encouraged to take with her. Parents are also obsessively "no waste" and would have gone nuts, but the dehydrated veg went on the compost heap and no-one was any the wiser.

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

I think that's the crux of it Clanger, these are the parents' strict choices & restrictions affecting their very young children. I'd be absolutely amazed if they don't grow up to have issues around food. Ultimately, after supplying the nutritional demands, food & mealtimes should be enjoyable, not a source of anxiety. A friend of mine is vegan but let's her two young kids eat meat, dairy etc because that was a choice that she made for herself & she recognises that not only is a vegan diet not appropriate for young kids, but also that it should be their choice.