To ask for honest opinions on breast vs formula feeding?

[Sizedoesmatter]

I am due my second baby in 3 weeks, I attempted to breastfeed my first but only lasted 2 weeks due to a mixture of things such as lack of support, stress, baby having tongue tie and really just not knowing what I was doing.

I am really torn on wether to try again this time, ds is only 19 months and I'm afraid he's going to get extremely jealous of the baby being attached to me 24/7 and it might ruin my bond with him. At the same time though I feel like if I don't atleast try I'll regret it as we don't plan on having any more children and I know it's the best thing for the baby.

So I'd like some opinions from other mothers who either breast fed or bottle fed. Why did you choose to feed your baby the way you did and if you could go back would you have done it differently? Have you got any advice that might help me and do you think that breast feeding is worth it?

That poor mum probably didn't think breastfeeding was 'yuck' in general. Would have no problem with anyone else doing it

I found it repulsive and hated every single second with dc1 and approximately 75 percent with dc2. I don't have any issues with anyone else breastfeeding. My feelings are based entirely on personal experience. There seems to be little discussion as to why women might feel that way too.

It was over 10 years ago and still strikes me as so sad that anyone thinks of breastfeeding as "yuck"

I find it yuck. To me. I don't care about others doing it but I've no interest or desire in doing so myself. It gives me shivers down my spine thinking about it.

I politely suggest you need to get a grip if you're still thinking about this 10 years later.

It gives me shivers down my spine thinking about it.

May I ask why? Is it nipple sensitivity or something? I only ask as I HATE anything touching my nipples, even brushing past them and I was so worried it'd effect BF but luckily didn't.

I was well brainwashed and knew a lot about it but it wasn’t pain free or easy to start with even (in fact especially) 2nd and 3rd time round. However once it was established it was so much easier than sterilising, warming and cooling bottles. I was so glad I was doing it when any of the kids were ill or upset as they could always have that food and comfort on tap.

I politely suggest you need to get a grip if you're still thinking about this 10 years later.

This

This is all quite raw for me OP as I was in a similar position to you and just stopped breastfeeding DC2 a few weeks ago. So I'll be totally honest, in case it helps!

Breastfeeding DC1 was a nightmare, she lost a lot of weight and ended up back in hospital with jaundice and dehydration. It totally ruined the newborn days for me. I combi fed for a bit then quit around 8 weeks and it was totally the right decision.

When pregnant with DC2 I thought I would FF pretty much from birth, but she actually took to BF a bit better than I was expecting. I was terrified of her losing weight like DC1 had so I gave a bottle of formula a day from the start, then cut out most bottles by about 6 weeks.

I don't know why, but I just didn't find it got easier though. At the magic 8 week mark it was actually harder and by 10/11 weeks I was really struggling. She would be really fussy and sometimes refuse the breast, or breastfeed just for very short periods then come off crying. No real BF support or HV clinics but I was weighing her myself at home and could tell she wasn't gaining much and it was hugely stressing me out, especially after my experiences with DC1, so I ended up combi feeding and then switching over to FF totally by about 14 weeks.

Am I still glad I tried? I don't know. Probably because I'm sensitive about it, I feel like everywhere I look, people are talking about how wonderful breastfeeding is and how they BF their children for two years each and it does make me feel like I've "failed". Again. I've had to hide all the mum FB/whatsapp groups I'm part of as they seem to be full of people experiencing similar issues to me who are battling through rather than "giving up" like I did.

I sometimes think, if I'd just made a positive choice to FF from birth would I feel better about it? In the same way that some women opt for an elective c section after a traumatic birth, to feel a bit more in control second time round. There is no way of knowing but it does make me think.

As far as breastfeeding around another child, mine is a bit older but when it was going well it was ok. When it wasn't going well it was a real struggle, I'd find a lot of the tips for fussy feeding just weren't practical, like going into a dark room and playing white noise etc.

My advice would be to try and process your feelings from first time round as much as you can, and be honest about why you might want to BF second time and how you will feel about it if it doesn't work out as you planned.

I'd try and block out the people quoting random studies and reasons why they loved breastfeeding as it's kind of irrelevant really. You've done this before so you know all about what the pros and cons are on paper, and how that can differ from the reality.

Good luck with it all. In a weird way this has actually really helped me to process anything so if nothing else you've helped out another mum by starting this thread

Not RTFT. If it's important to you to bf, then work towards that. Find a local bf support group and find out what you can beforehand to prepare.
For what it's worth, I had huge difficulty bf my first who had TT (but he refused a bottle, so I persevered and eventually things settled - but was incredibly hard). It was a completely different story with my second who bf like a dream.

Best of luck

@Purpletigers

My first daughter had formula but I still think breast is best . It is a choice . Saying formula is just as good isn’t true . If you are happy and want to formula feed, at least be honest with yourself . If you tried and it didn’t work out then there shouldn’t be any guilt.

I'd just like to add that there shouldn't be any guilt if you simply do not want to BF either.

May I ask why? Is it nipple sensitivity or something?

No not really. I just really don't like the thought of something sucking on my boob. I never have. I don't like DH touching them either. Not due to any sensitivity but just because I really don't feel comfortable at the thought of it. Just not for me.

Midwife told me it made no difference whatsoever. Look at the actual science on it, by which I mean check the “benefits” aren’t only there if you do it for 2 years rather than 6 weeks most people do.

2kool not quite. I'm not sure where you get that. The WHO does recommend breastfeeding for 2 years, but there are benefits to less time than that. I'm not sure where you get '6 weeks as average' either. Most mums who do breastfeed usually do so throughout maternity leave, which is a year in the UK.

I Ff both Ds and Dd , I always knew I would FF as a personal decision for me I knew that BF just wasn’t for me. The idea of it for me makes my skin crawl... and that’s my personal take on it. I’ve always felt this way and I’m not sure why but I do.
I’m glad I FF as we’ve shared the load with both. Dd sleeps horrendously and she was always hungry for the first 8-10 weeks.
I had a horrendous labour with DD also so it meant I could recover as needed surgery after she was born.. DH got up with her the first few nights
Now she’s 10months and still doesn’t sleep hugely well, I’ve been back at work full time for 4 months and she’s at nursery. Dh still share the nights... think I’d be a zombie if we didn’t!

It works for us... my DS has 3 Children and BF all of them for 18months + , it works for her and suits her lifestyle.

Do what works for you 😀

@hibbledobble maternity leave is up to a year, but most can’t afford to take that time off.

@AintNoMaryPoppins totally get where you are coming from. I’m the same!

I never understand this question? Just do both?

I mixed fed both of mine, I breast fed when I could when I was relaxed and had energy and my own time and formula for when I was out and at night times for speed and to enable my DH to help out lots.

@steff13

Feed your baby.

I can confirm that I abseloutley, at no point, intended NOT to feed my baby.. So I don't understand what you're getting at there 🤨

To those saying it doesn't matter, it does matter, it matters to me or else I wouldn't be asking for opinions. This thread has been extremely helpful and I've really enjoyed reading everyone else's experiences and opinions. I feel better knowing that other people have struggled with it aswell and that I'm not alone in my fears regarding ds and the jealousy.

To be honest, I hadn't quite considered combination feeding. Nobody I know breastfeed they've almost all ff their babies so I've only really heard stories of the all or nothing approach. Combination feeding definitly appeals to me and I'm going to have a proper look into it.

Doing all the night feeds isn't really something that bothers me, I did the majority of them with ds anyway as dh was working and I wasn't so naturally I would get up. But if I combination fed I could ask him to give a bottle in the evening so that I could go to bed early and get a good few hours, which sounds brilliant tbh.

I would still love to hear more people's experiences and thoughts on the topic as I've found this thread incredibly helpful, I feel a lot more prepared and relaxed about it now. I'm 100% not going to put too much pressure on myself, as that was a huge mistake I made last time.

I bf exclusively for six months and loved it. I was really determined and ff wasn't an option. Most of my friends ff and have very healthy and happy children. There is way more to parenting than how you feed in the first year. I dont believe it makes any difference in the grand scheme of things so you should go with your gut feeling. Trying one or the other when it goes against your instinct wont work imo.

I formula feed my child and have zero shame about doing so - proud to admit I formula feed. Not one person can shame me or make me feel bad.

I never understand why combo feeding isn’t promoted more in the U.K. There seems to be a bizarre focus on doing bfing ‘perfectly’ or not at all.

See also nipple shields.

Go with your gut and don’t let anyone pressurise you either way. A fed baby is all that matters whatever way you do it. It’s also really important that you are happy too.

I bottle bed mine from birth. I felt very judged on this but decided to do this for my own reasons. I have two very healthy, happy and bright children who were bottle bed.

Fed

Breast is best.

See also nipple shields.

This. A breastfeeding peer supporter whispered nipple shields in my ear when I was talking about my dc2's latch issue. It made a huge difference not just with her latch but also my repulsion problems. If it had been mentioned earlier, my breastfeeding experience might have been a lot less unpleasant.

@Kaj29

Go with your gut and don’t let anyone pressurise you either way. A fed baby is all that matters whatever way you do it. It’s also really important that you are happy too.

I bottle bed mine from birth. I felt very judged on this but decided to do this for my own reasons. I have two very healthy, happy and bright children who were bottle bed.

See, with me it's the opposite. I feel very judged on my decision to breastfeed. Last time MIL never shut up about how 'the child is starving', and as soon as I stopped she said 'I told you loads of times that breast milk wasn't enough for him'. It made me feel like abseloute shite.

At one point we went to the chemist to see if there was anything we could get to help DS with his wind, and the lady behind the counter asked what milk I was giving him, obviously expecting me to say a brand. When I said I was breastfeeding she actually gave me a dirty look. I wasn't imagining it either, DH saw it aswell. I gave up the next day after that, it honestly made me so depressed. A neighbour of my MIL had the very same reaction when she heard I was breastfeeding as she'd ff 6 kids. Now looking back, I think 'fuck them' but at the time, right after having DS I just couldn't handle it. This time around I'm prepared for the reactions and will be telling people exactly where to go. I can't understand why anyone would look down on another mother for her choices with feeding her child. It's depressing tbh.

We combi fed (breast, expressed milk of mine and also formula). Not through choice, I simply couldn't keep up with what minimum milk was needed (and yes. Before anyone starts spouting "mum's bodies are made to produce enough", which is what I kept hearing at bf support group, it's not like that for everyone and we were medically supervised,I literally couldn't produce more than half of what was needed for my baby's weight and we had severe intervention to prevent baby losing more weight and being readmitted for dehydration, I later found out an existing medical condition should have been flagged , PCOS type situation where it's a known risk factor).
It's not what I would have liked and I often thought we had the worst of all worlds, sterilisation of bottles etc but couldn't ever just nip out for the day and rely on bf ..

My advice would be to try it if you want to. See how it goes. Don't put pressure on yourself. Have formula in as an option just in case.

But be kind to yourself and your bonding with new baby most of all.

My experience bf harmed our early bonding, beating myself up. Don't be me!