To ask for honest opinions on breast vs formula feeding?

[Sizedoesmatter]

I am due my second baby in 3 weeks, I attempted to breastfeed my first but only lasted 2 weeks due to a mixture of things such as lack of support, stress, baby having tongue tie and really just not knowing what I was doing.

I am really torn on wether to try again this time, ds is only 19 months and I'm afraid he's going to get extremely jealous of the baby being attached to me 24/7 and it might ruin my bond with him. At the same time though I feel like if I don't atleast try I'll regret it as we don't plan on having any more children and I know it's the best thing for the baby.

So I'd like some opinions from other mothers who either breast fed or bottle fed. Why did you choose to feed your baby the way you did and if you could go back would you have done it differently? Have you got any advice that might help me and do you think that breast feeding is worth it?

It doesn’t matter at all which is best - only what you have decided - that is the best.

@AiryFairyMum

To continue your wine analogy, there is no best wine. It is entirely subjective depending on personal preference, the context the wine is being drunk in (with red meat, fish, without food at all ect). It's ok to discuss the pros and cons of both but ultimately even after all the discussions of pros and cons fed is still best and whatever type of fed works in the individuals situation (same as it ultimately boils down to having wine is best and what wine is best is ultimately down the the person who's drinking it).

My first daughter had formula but I still think breast is best . It is a choice . Saying formula is just as good isn’t true . If you are happy and want to formula feed, at least be honest with yourself .
If you tried and it didn’t work out then there shouldn’t be any guilt.

I bottle fed my baby, my choice completely, for me i wanted to know exactly how much milk my child was getting, i would bottle feed again if i had another child, i personally think there's a lot of pressure for mums to breast feed but honestly i just think as long as the baby is being fed and is happy and healthy that's all that really matters, just go with whatever you feel comfortable with :)

I m always sad that the polarisation of views on this subject always means that combination feeding is not promoted as much as it could be.

I would have ended up FF all of mine if I didn't CF. I tried and failed BF with my first but CF meant I BF by girls beyond 6 months.

DH always gave formula at the same time each day (10pm feed) so I could go to bed around 8:30 and sleep through until 1-2am.

Gave me flexibility and made it so much less stressful

I saw a good analogy once-in a group of first class students, no one would ever even know which were breast fed and which were formula fed (something along those lines anyway).

For me, I breast fed my DD for almost a year-mainly because she was a bottle refuser. I do think she has had less minor ilnesses than maybe if I hadn’t but otherwise as much as I hate the saying, it is true- “happy mum, happy baby” 🤭

If I had another baby (never going to happen) I’m not convinced that I would breastfeed a second time

Once the initial weeks are over, breastfeeding is so much easier. No time wasted faffing with bottles and sterilisers, waiting for boiled water to cool. Less smelly nappies, too.

I found it easier, when I had my older children to look after as well.

I combo-fed for 13 months until DS refused it, I liked the closeness of BF and the break of letting my DH bottle feed at night!

Without support from nurses (we were in NICU for 10 weeks) I would have failed at BF. Other posts have touched on this, if you want to BF but don't have the support, it will be hard.

It's very much your choice about how you feed: any way you do it, it's much less stressful when you have help and support.

Highly recommend the Perfect Prep machine if you go FF (friends swore by it) and a supply of ready-made formula for emergencies - I personally felt very uncomfortable feeding in public and would always whip one of those out instead of a boob.

I give all formula feeding friends a Prefect Prep as a new baby present - very popular present.

[quote 2007Millie]@GrumpyHoonMain

But still, very very very little difference and not enough to cause added pressure.

A women should not be thinking "I must breastfeed at all costs because it might mean my child lives 1 year longer"

[/quote]
Absolutely agree with your points. You don't need to leave mumsnet. Ignore the preachers.

I am really torn on wether to try again this time, ds is only 19 months and I'm afraid he's going to get extremely jealous of the baby being attached to me 24/7 and it might ruin my bond with him.

I worried about this- did BF first but we were in a supportive area at the time though family, other than DH, were wearing of subject of bf feeding.

However it was not an issue for us - or indeed next baby and toddler combination either.

However some mothers I met with third DD - not a bf friendly area -did find at 6 weeks the extra cluster feeding was too much - though they had more experienced ff than I did - and they did first 6 weeks bf then switched to ff.

So as it's easier start bf then switch to ff - maybe give bf a go and see if works for you both and it not switch to ff or mixed feeding.

I wasnt allowed to breast feed my children for medical reasons (medicines in my system) and a midwife told me that despite the "breast is best" push, in honesty if makes very little difference.
One thing is certain, with a bottle fed baby you always know exactly how much milk they have had and the quality and consistency of the milk, whereas breast fed babies can suck away and not necessarily be getting as much as you might imagine. for this reason breast fed babies are In general more settled than some breast fed ones.
As long as you have a happy fed baby who gains weight and is content and settled, allows you breaks both for yourself and to spend with your other child, it makes little difference. Don't be guilt tripped.

I'm glad I bf it worked for us so I don't regret it - but as I understand it differences are only visible at population level so I'd do what works best for you and agree ditch any guilt.

Fed is best

No breast is best but for some people that is difficult and you can't feel guilty if you tried your hardest at giving the best and it didn't work.

One of the worst things I ever saw was someone I knew saying to her new born "yuck those aren't for you" as it rooted for her breast through her t shirt.

It was over 10 years ago and still strikes me as so sad that anyone thinks of breastfeeding as "yuck"

I combination ( mostly breast fed) both of mine. I wanted to breast feed but both had tongue tie and struggled. There were pros and cons of both.
It was useful for my DH and family to help with a bottle , but once I got we both got the hang of it breast feeding was very special and easy. I BF DS 2 til 14 months in the end.
Combination was great and I’m glad I was convinced not to see it as a failure. Agree that Fed is best .

FF is best for some people. BF is best for others. Whatever works best for you is best. It doesn't matter what anyone else says.

And for those who just can't understand women who don't at least try...

I could never stand the thought of breast feeding. I never wanted a baby suckling my nipple. It was just not for me, the thought knocked me sick 🤷 no problem other people doing it, not arsed seeing women out in public BFing, no judgement for any other mum. But for me? Nope. FF from day one, I wouldn't even be bullied into trying it once.

@Malbecblooms

That poor mum probably didn't think breastfeeding was 'yuck' in general. Would have no problem with anyone else doing it. But for some people the thought of anyone, baby or adult, rooting through their top for their breast is 'yuck' - their breasts are their own and it is perfectly normal and acceptable for her only to want them for herself. She may have been touched out or just wanting her body back. Women spend 40 weeks essentially giving up their body to someone else, the baby, it's no surprise that after all that some just want their body back for them and not to have a baby constantly trying to grab at it or attached to it.

Women may be 'made' to breastfeed but they are also 'made' to be penetrated by a mans penis for sex, doesn't mean they have to or should be shamed for not, equally they shouldn't be shamed for choosing to. We have bodily autonomy so no one has to do anything that their body is 'made' for that they don't want to, no matter how natural it is.

Just do what is right for you and your baby.
I tried for 2 days but it just didn't work for us. DS was jaundice & had an infection which when he was born, so I refused to be pressured anymore & moved onto formula as he needed to eat. I have no regrets.

@confusedbymyheritage I agree

My friend said that she didn't want to BF as she found it 'weird'. I can't say I was offended/bothered, it was completely her choice and I totally get why people just don't want to do it, having a baby sucking on you isn't for everyone.

I breastfed my first. It was difficult at first and often hard for the first few months as it was only me who do it as she would never take a bottle or cup of milk. I got help for latch, reflux etc at my local breastfeeding support group. It was great though as I never had to make feeds, wash it sterilise bottles, pack bottles when going out etc and I could usually stop her crying easily by offering a boob. I would like to breastfeed my second but I do worry about what if they have tongue-tie or something else that makes it difficult. Both my sister and a close friend had to pay privately to get tongue-tie cut before their babies could get enough breastmilk.

@AegonT

I can't believe they had to pay privately, that's horrifying! Surely cutting a babies tongue tie should be a priority for the nhs.

@steff13

Feed your baby.

This.

I had a baby with tongue tie and until it was snipped at 10 days I combo-fed, then gradually dropped the formula. It worked for us: I wanted to breastfeed, it was hard at first but then was so convenient after getting those initial difficulties. With hindsight I’m glad I persevered for quite personal reasons as doing so will probably have prevented her from having the same ‘structural’ (for want of a better word) issues that I’ve had to have rectified as an adult. But, you inform yourself and make your own decisions.

I BF DD for 10 months 3 years ago and I wouldn't change it for the world, for me personally it was easy, free, and a great bonding experience. But that was what worked for ME.
I'd never judge a mum that chose to bottle feed. I'm due my DS on October and I'm hoping it'll be as easy to BF with him as it was with DD but will happily give him formula if not. I also don't want to BF as long this time as I really didn't have any kind of social life till DD was 10 months old and I don't feel I can do that this time.
Good luck with whatever you choose, OP! And congratulations