To ask for honest opinions on breast vs formula feeding?

[Sizedoesmatter]

I am due my second baby in 3 weeks, I attempted to breastfeed my first but only lasted 2 weeks due to a mixture of things such as lack of support, stress, baby having tongue tie and really just not knowing what I was doing.

I am really torn on wether to try again this time, ds is only 19 months and I'm afraid he's going to get extremely jealous of the baby being attached to me 24/7 and it might ruin my bond with him. At the same time though I feel like if I don't atleast try I'll regret it as we don't plan on having any more children and I know it's the best thing for the baby.

So I'd like some opinions from other mothers who either breast fed or bottle fed. Why did you choose to feed your baby the way you did and if you could go back would you have done it differently? Have you got any advice that might help me and do you think that breast feeding is worth it?

My main take was the convenience of breastfeeding - no sterilisation or planning ahead required. Once baby is latched on I made sure DD1 got lots of verbal attention or would read to her.

I have a 4 year old and a 7 week old. I combined fed my first as my birth was traumatic and we had a really bad start to bf and my milk never came in properly. He only bf for 8 weeks and then refused it so went fully onto formula. I felt guilty for a long time so when I got pregnant again I was determined to bf.
We had a bad start again as ds2 was poorly but from day 5 we managed to establish feeding. It’s going well, but it’s a hard slog. Ds2 is a demanding baby, always wants to be on the breast and screams if he isn’t. He’s gaining weight well and thriving on it but it’s very hard trying to balance bf and my poor 4 year old. It’s really hard to be free to do things with ds1 but luckily he has been really patient and understanding so far. I would think a 19month old might struggle more. There have been days where I could easily have quit bf and gone to formula but I’ve worked so hard to get this far.

I would say to any mum that if they want to give bf a go, do it. It can be fantastic. It’s hard at the moment due to Covid as there are no feeding groups etc and little support. But if it doesn’t work out then formula is absolutely fine. When you’re on number 2 or 3 etc I think you have to do what fits with your family too. But most of all as long as you are mentally fit, it really doesn’t matter how baby gets fed.

I bottle fed my first (tried bf but was in hospital for a few days and it didn't happen, everytime I asked for help I was huffed at then offered formula)
Then I had my second just less than a year later and to be honest I had hated night feeds with first, getting up and making bottles and having to plan to go out, my first also wasn't a great sleeper so I was absolutely determined to bf. It was not easy for me, I was so sore at the start and also had mastitis the first week, but I gritted my teeth and ploughed on because to me it was going to make my life easier. I had some mum friends by this time who gave me so much support and advice, and I also rang the bf helplines on occasions too. After the first few weeks it was easier, then a few weeks after that it was a doddle. I was so happy to be able to just grab baby on the night and put him next to me to feed, and to be able to go out with just change of clothes for him and not worry about making bottles or packing enough formula. I honestly think I'd not have gone out much with my newborn and (almost) toddler otherwise. When I had my 3rd a few years later it was a no brainer to me to bf again. At the end of the day only you can decide and if it does not work for you then you can stop. I would definitely try though op.

I breastfed mine - it's hard for the first 6 weeks first time around and would have been easy to give up (I was very determined due to personal circumstances), second dd was a doddle, main differences were that I had confidence, she fed within 10 mins of being born as per WHO advice and she had better jaw tone (her older sister was later diagnosed with dyspraxia).

If you want to breast feed you need to connect with people who can help you, lock down made it difficult but you can go into a home for care.

Whatever works best for you and baby. I've done both and wish I'd had more confidence to ignore the judgy people and do what was best for my baby. In your situation I would give breastfeeding a try and if you find it's not right for you and baby then either switch to formula or do combi feeding. Personally I found formula feeding quite awkward as my baby wouldn't drink it unless it was warm which was a massive pain if we were going out.

Nutritionally breast is best, but it may not be best overall depending on your circumstances.

Whatever you choose, don't beat yourself up over it!

See, with me it's the opposite. I feel very judged on my decision to breastfeed. Last time MIL never shut up about how 'the child is starving', and as soon as I stopped she said 'I told you loads of times that breast milk wasn't enough for him'. It made me feel like abseloute shite.

I got this from my MIL too. Eventually I told her in a voice that was absolutely filled with rage that I didn't want to hear another. fucking. word. from her on the subject of how I fed my baby. It was amazingly effective.

I breastfed all three of mine. Found it really hard with my first and fortunately found a really supportive breast feeding group plus my mum was quite dismissive of any suggestion that I switch to formula which personally I needed as everyone else was encouraging me to give up breastfeeding. I'm really glad I stuck with it.
It's free, environmentally friendly and has health benefits for both you and your baby plus it burns loads of calories.
It also makes you stop and sit down with your baby - I think those long early feeds are nature's way of getting you to sit and rest with your baby.
Do what works for you.

I formula fed ds1 due to complications with the birth. I chose to formula feed ds2 as I had an 18 month gap and I didn’t want to be stuck on the sofa breastfeeding all day (and learning how to for the first time) while looking after ds1 and making sure he didn’t feel left out. It worked brilliantly for us. Fed the baby in 10 mins each feed while ds1 was playing with his toys or watching CBeebies then could pop the baby in the sling and carry on playing with ds1.

We mixed fed. I ebf for 3.5 months, but it was very difficult and caused me health problems. Things got a lot better with mixed feeding, which we did until 9 months.

I never understand when people say breastfeeding is one-handed and bottle feeding is two-handed - it's the exact opposite for me!

I personally found breastfeeding made bonding challenging, although that was because of the strain it caused on my health mainly. I felt a bit lied to in a way - breastfeeding was sold as this great bonding experience, as well as nutrition, but that part of it never materialised for me.

Having done both, I'm glad I breastfed when baby was little, as it's convenient at night, but I wish I'd introduced formula sooner, because it made it possible to fall in love with my baby in a way that I couldn't when I was ill and then hospitalised.

Why not start off breastfeeding and go from there.
Best if you decide to formula feed to use the ready-made for the first couple of months, formula powder is not sterile.
I can't personally imagine having the faff of making up formula and the sterilising etc with a toddler around, and always liked having a hand free to cuddle big one. And all the extra gear if we went out, and that was before the current preparation guidelines, not sure how people manage to safely transport enough milk/boiling water for a day out and handwashing stuff etc

You can safely use formula powder from birth. It’s perfectly safe although the ready maxes are so easy for days out.

You can definitely use formula powder from day 1

I bf my first until nearly 4, had a very rocky first 6 months and it was one of the hardest things I ever did but I was glad I persevered and enjoyed the bonding after going back to work full time. Also it was free and mostly no hassle (after the first 6 months!!). Couldn't wait to do it again when I fell pregnant last year.

Then diagnosed with breast cancer while pregnant with my second so haven't been able to bf as I'm having chemo. I'm not a big fan of formula, can't stand the smell, feel like I'm giving her something unnatural and am gutted not to have the same bond as I did first time round, and it's fucking expensive... but there are lots of positives too. My husband can feed her, she's much easier to 'read' than my son, there's a bit more routine even though we're baby led. My son is a bit jealous and I think that would have been worse with bf (although that's conjecture).

So as others have said... do what works for you! Combi feeding may be a good option. Personally I wish I could have bf as jealousy aside it would have removed the expense and all the faff of bottles and formula, but I'm speaking from a very different experience as I had an overall positive one first time round.

The general advice is breast is better than formula.

I wouldn’t change the bf with dds. Both are healthy, and by that I mean that when there is a bug going around they rarely get it. If they do it is mild. This includes chicken pox which did it’s rounds, both dds had it mildly, the children I knew of that had it bad were bottle fed, we knew them from baby/toddler groups, hence how we knew they were fed.
From an illness, dds both bounce back quickly.
I don’t care how anyone feeds their baby as long as they’re fed, but mine were bf and I noticed the difference.

Give breastfeeding a good go but don't put too much pressure on yourself. Many people find the first six weeks quite hard work, but once you've got things established, IMO breastfeeding can be a lot more convenient than bottle-feeding, and may actually give you more time with your toddler (or at least one hand free, anyway!).

Good luck

You might find breastfeeding easier as you have an older one too. Once you get the hang of it you can just pop a breast out wherever and whenever it is needed whilst still continuing with the older one's activities. No need for faffing around with making up formula, washing and sterilising bottles, trying to judge in advance how long you'll be out so as whether to have to take bottles with you (and keep them cool if it's hot) etc.

My honest opinion is that breastmilk is better, its amazing stuff, really convenient once you get the hang of it and contains health benefits that formula simply can't. The decrease in SIDS risk alone had me sold.

That being said, if you can't for whatever reason or it's causing you distress then formula is fine too.

@Sizedoesmatter that is disgusting of the lady in the chemist to give you dirty looks for breastfeeding! How dare she! You should have made a complaint. The WHO recommends breastfeeding till 2 years and beyond.
Also people saying ded is best are wrong. What is the alternative? Not feeding your child? Then it would starve and die. Of course you have to feed your child. Of for some reason that you cant breastfeed we are lucky formula is there but it can never compare to breastmilk.
If you knew someone who just fed their child on mcdonalds and sweets and chocolates would you say "fed is best" or would you say its unhealthy and they should give some fruit and veg?
Not saying formula is like junk food but using it as an example of why the saying "fed is best" makes no sense and is a saying formuka companies invented. Of course they would say fed is best, they dont want everyone to think breast is better and breastfeed or they would make no money

I’ve done both and both of them feed perfectly healthy happy babies. It’s a personal choice and neither choice is a wrong choice.
I bottle fed three babies and then with my last baby I thought “you know what I’m going to give breastfeeding a go this time”. I didn’t think I’d last a week never mind 20 months and maybe I little bit longer yet.

*a little bit longer

Whatever’s best for you. I breast fed for a week, then switched to formula and it worked great for us. Would probably try and combi feed the next one.

I didn’t find bottle feeding a hassle at all, for the record. We sterilised bottles with cold water and Milton tablets, seemed much easier than the posh electric sterilisers as we could stick 6 bottles in the bucket as just take one out when we needed it. Then I had a perfect prep machine to make up the bottles, simples!

I breastfed and I seemed to be in a lucky minority: it was really easy, baby just seemed to know what to do, and I found it very physically pleasurable - not in a sexual way obvs, but the physical and hormone rush for me was what I imagine some people must get from drugs. 5 years later I still miss the sensation!

Plus was extremely convenient to be able to give him a quick drink in middle of night / when walking along street without the faff of formula bottles etc. And I guess breasfeeding ended up being a lot cheaper as we never bought a bottle etc.

But if you don’t want to, don’t do it. Bodies are different, lives are different, what was right for me may not be right for you.

(I should say the one negative of breastfeeding was the raging tummy ache my child got if I ate curry a few hours before breastfeeding, took a few episodes for me to realise that 🤦‍♀️😔)

OP please research about the benefits of breastfeeding to the mother too, apart from the baby. This is often forgotten but they are so many.