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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for honest opinions on breast vs formula feeding?

389 replies

Sizedoesmatter · 20/06/2020 23:19

I am due my second baby in 3 weeks, I attempted to breastfeed my first but only lasted 2 weeks due to a mixture of things such as lack of support, stress, baby having tongue tie and really just not knowing what I was doing.

I am really torn on wether to try again this time, ds is only 19 months and I'm afraid he's going to get extremely jealous of the baby being attached to me 24/7 and it might ruin my bond with him. At the same time though I feel like if I don't atleast try I'll regret it as we don't plan on having any more children and I know it's the best thing for the baby.

So I'd like some opinions from other mothers who either breast fed or bottle fed. Why did you choose to feed your baby the way you did and if you could go back would you have done it differently? Have you got any advice that might help me and do you think that breast feeding is worth it?

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 21/06/2020 12:06

It’s all very well saying it wouldn’t cross your mind not to BF, but that very much depends on the culture you grew up in. In many parts of the UK, bottle feeding is widespread and you’ll see it everywhere.

Obviously this colours your view and therefore bottle feeding is part of your consideration set in a way that it may not be in, say, Norway, where bfing rates are sky high.

Context is everything.

Ethelfleda · 21/06/2020 12:09

A women should not be thinking "I must breastfeed at all costs because it might mean my child lives 1 year longer

She didn’t say that though, did she?
She literally just quoted the findings of a study Confused

Of course a woman shouldn’t be thinking that! Much better to make an informed decision - balance the pros and cons based on your own personal circumstances and decide that way.
But an informed decision is only ‘informed’ when you have access to all the information...

Link to study:

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4962153/

Ethelfleda · 21/06/2020 12:13

So no, please do not start spouting random information that has no real grounding and is not even a UK study

Oh give over.
Seriously, can people not just have a mature conversation about the facts without one side shouting the other down for contributing?
It’s a study. It’s up to the OP whether she bears it in mind whilst making a decision or whether she discards it.

Seriously, science doesn’t set out to offend! People shouldn’t get so worked up about people citing studies in this field in order to present to a woman (the OP) who is literally asking for people’s opinions on this subject.

Witchend · 21/06/2020 12:21

I breastfed all three of mine because it was far easier. No fumbling in the dark for the bottle, no sterilising, no finding the bottle was the wrong temperature, no having to work out how much you needed for a day out...
The fact that it was better from them was neither here nor there in my decision. Simply easier. Although I will say that #1 was brilliant at feeding which made it easier all through.

Ethelfleda · 21/06/2020 12:23

And to say it has no grounding is your OPINION of that study.
It is peer reviewed and published. So it isn’t exactly what one would call pseudoscience, is it?

And yes - it may only be one study... but it is not the only study that exists on this topic - there will be plenty of others out there.

None, I doubt, that say conclusively that breast milk is absolutely always better than formula. But many that point to the overall picture that breast milk is highly likely to be better - on a nutritional level - than formula... (in my OPINION)
And it is also my opinion that not enough studies have been carried out and that is probably because nobody wants to fund them (no profit to be made) or because it’s so difficult to account for other lifestyle factors, perhaps.

argueifnecessary · 21/06/2020 12:44

@Ethelfleda

And to say it has no grounding is your OPINION of that study. It is peer reviewed and published. So it isn’t exactly what one would call pseudoscience, is it?

And yes - it may only be one study... but it is not the only study that exists on this topic - there will be plenty of others out there.

None, I doubt, that say conclusively that breast milk is absolutely always better than formula. But many that point to the overall picture that breast milk is highly likely to be better - on a nutritional level - than formula... (in my OPINION)
And it is also my opinion that not enough studies have been carried out and that is probably because nobody wants to fund them (no profit to be made) or because it’s so difficult to account for other lifestyle factors, perhaps.

You make a good point. Only studies that get funded are funded by companies making the formula. A few years ago there was a bit of a problem with 'follow-up' formula. In that it is completely not necessary (and can be bad when a toddler gets filled up from formula and not eat normally) but if a product is being produced and is available, it must mean it's necessary.
gluteustothemaximus · 21/06/2020 12:44

The main problem with all of this is no one tells you how hard BF is. I was on my third child (BF) and I was in so much pain (about 2 weeks in) and the midwife who came over said 'the first 8 weeks are the hardest aren't they' and I just cried. She got it.

I then realised that with my first 2, the first 8 weeks were SHIT. The cluster feeding, constantly being on tap, the pain and sore cracked nipples. Then after 8 weeks it settled and nipples toughened up.

That recognition of how hard it was really helped.

You don't sit there with a serene look of contentment on your face. In the early days it can be agony.

It is hard work and relentless. I chose BF with all 3 and would have FF if I'd have any medical issues. But BF was what I wanted to do. Mentioned this before on here and got accused of neglecting my mental health and therefore neglecting my baby because I kept going with BF even though it was hard!

Sometimes things are hard. I felt the benefits of BF outweighed how hard it was. Again, don't mention the benefits, because someone who FF will get upset. And then talk about studies where benefits are negligible.

Formula is fucking genius, and without it, babies would die.

This is a sensitive issue, and there's guilt floating around which doesn't help. As a BF, I'll bet I've had more negative comments than those that FF.

I don't know why other countries have higher rates with BF. Maybe women get more support? I think that's the key.

Camomila · 21/06/2020 12:46

Obviously this colours your view and therefore bottle feeding is part of your consideration set in a way that it may not be in, say, Norway, where bfing rates are sky high.
So true, I'm not English and I breastfed both my DC (still bfeeding DS2). I obviously knew formula existed growing up but I don't actually remember seeing any relatives bottlefeed though I remember my older cousin breastfeeding her DC.

Overall I think if you live in England with clean water and safe formula both are fine and have their advantages and disadvantages. For me personally bottle feeding looks like the harder option, I like not having extra washing up to do or having to make up formula if I want to go out.

In my case there has been no relationship between feeding style and sleep. DS1 was breastfed and still wakes once per night age 4 😐 so I don't think it was hunger related - he is just super fidgety at night.
DS2 is EBF and sleeps through the night age 5m.

Parker231 · 21/06/2020 12:48

I didn’t consider bf - ff was so easy as friends and family helped out and DH did his share of the night feeds. As I posted earlier my only regret was that Perfect Preps weren’t around then.

Hamsham · 21/06/2020 13:02

(Copy and pasted from somewhere else, but it really does matter. Studies show that the body and brain composition of a formula fed infant is very different to that of a breastfed infant)

"Infant formula inevitably creates gut dysbiosis which in turn programmes different development trajectories than breastmilk would have.

So MRI studies show differences in brain white matter development and electrical activity under 12 months of age, ultrasound studies reveal differences in reproductive tissue development by 4 months of age (less testicular tissue in boys, more ovarian tissue in girls), body tissue composition and deposition is different, there is more DNA damage and chromosomal breaks in infants not breastfed (discovered by cancer researchers wanting an explanation for higher rates of childhood cancers in not breastfed children); kidneys are enlarged and thymus shrunk.. the list is much longer...as is the list of harms to the women who do not breastfeed.

Anyone really wanting to know the science should read Milk matters: infant feeding and immune disorder, which argues that the almost universal exposure to infant formula by the mid 20th century is responsible for ongoing and heritable damage. The evidence (fully referenced) comes from industry-sponsored scientists. Alas, revealing it to parents is the last taboo, with those who know some of it bullied into silence by allegations that they are simply trying to shame women. (Rather than save lives and prevent disease.)

The World Health Organisation, a deeply conservative and controversy-avoiding organisation, urges exclusive breastfeeding to around six months and continued breastfeeding into the second year and beyond for good reasons, like the free stem cell transplants it provides to every baby, rich or poor.

Breastmilk is a living tissue, and lactation an entirely natural process that bodies switch on after birth unless prevented by breast disorders or lactation mismanagement. Breastfeeding, like sex, is a learned skill, and women need help in communities where the skills have been buried under an avalanche of bottle feeding. The uncontrolled experiment of infant formula feeding since the late 19th century has been an unmitigated disaster. Formula feeding can save lives in some situations, but it still results in many more deaths than it prevents. The 21st century will see class actions by parents of preterm and sick infants damaged by formula (rather than human milk) in many NICUs. Once this begins, societal support and enabling of breastfeeding by mothers and surrogates, along with donor milk banking, will become the norm, and that most processed of all processed foods, infant formula, will be seen as the second rate alternative it really is.

The fact that fathers or friends or grandparents or siblings can bottle feed does not mean that this is natural or even a good idea. But if others do want to feed, breastmilk can be fed by bottle and is preferable to heat-damaged cows milk mixed with multiple synthetic ingredients from multiple nations (including oils made by GM fungi and algae) and inevitably carrying damaging metabolites (check out AGEs, advanced glycation end products.)"

HoldMyLobster · 21/06/2020 13:14

I breastfed all 3 of mine to over a year old.

If I did it again I’d mixed feed.

Newuser123123 · 21/06/2020 13:14

I'd say the average experience of me and my friends (99% of my friends bf) is:
First 6 weeks really hard, need support, very little sleep and emotionally and physically draining.
6 weeks to 1 year, easy and convenient, no time limit on trips out and babies rarely cry as instantly soothed but limiting if you want to go out for long spells without baby and most end up cosleeping and feeding throughout the night.
1 year + difficult to stop, sleep often still bad, baby more reliant on mum, difficult if returning to work.
Obviously everyone is different and some people absolutely love it and some find it impossible but the above reflects the average experience of me and my friends.

Parker231 · 21/06/2020 13:18

Hamsham

There is absolutely nothing wrong with friends and family feeding DC’s a bottle of formula. One of my favourite photos is of DFil giving DS a bottle- it was lovely to see the pleasure it gave him.

booearing · 21/06/2020 13:36

I bf ds1 for 2 weeks and was so sore I just couldn't do it anymore
Ds2 not even 24 hours he just wouldn't accept it and the midwife in the hospital gave him a bottle and that was it
Ds3 I lasted 5 weeks once again I was so sore and couldn't continue
Ds4 I successfully bf him for 2 years and 2 months until my dd was born
Dd I bf her for 4 years
It doesn't matter how your baby Is fed as long as you and your baby are happy that's it
If my Ds4 and dd didn't take to it then so be it
Honestly I never get all of this rubbish spouted out about people not bf
I tried bf because I wanted to but if you don't want to do it don't

confusedbymyheritage · 21/06/2020 13:36

@serendipitysunshine

" I don't understand the 'fed is best' thing, which seems to be parroted unquestioningly. Surely that is the absolute minimum? Yes, formula milk is fine, but breastfeeding gives your baby immune support as well as nutrition."

Because life isn't one dimensional. Breast feeding may be objectively best (from a nutritional standpoint) but not if it stresses out and exhausts the mum so much that it pushes her into PND. And FF provides far more bonding opportunities for fathers/siblings and the baby, means mum can share the feeds and get more sleep, gives mum more freedom to go out without baby for a few hours, gives mum her body back if she feels she needs it ect - there's so many things that FF provides that breast just can't. Both have pros and cons. So fed is best and the best method of feedings is whatever fits best into each individual families life.

Breast is best. Surround yourself with support and hope it all goes well. If not there is an alternative. The key is to try as much as you can take it.

Ignore sanctimonious shit like this @OP. FF is not a lesser alternative, you do what's best for you. And definitely don't be pushing yourself to breaking point by doing 'as much as you can take' Hmm.

confusedbymyheritage · 21/06/2020 13:37

@Alimonkey as an adult with (presumably) some level of cognitive reasoning you should be able to understand that different people have different experiences, enjoy different things, and have different priorities. There's your understanding. Phrasing it how you did does sound incredibly judgemental whether you actively meant it to or not.

Ilovechinese · 21/06/2020 13:46

Breastfeeding is definitely best for baby. It passes on your antibodies and adjusts to your babies needs. Breast milk is a love substance that formula can never compare to. I formula fed my first two but was very young and didnt know much about breastfeeding then. I decided o wanted to breastfeed my third and I'm not going to lie I had a lot of struggles in the beginning from pain and poor weight gain but I was determined not to give up and I had a lovely IBCLC help me and then the pandemic happened when he was 7/8 months and I was so glad I was breastfeeding as so many mothers couldn't get formula. Breast milk is always readily available and at the right temperature so I would definitely try to breastfeed. Only a very small percent of women cant breastfeed. You can join support groups like la leche league and theres a page on facebook breastfeeding yummy mummies which is very helpful. Good luck

Ilovechinese · 21/06/2020 13:46

*live substance

2007Millie · 21/06/2020 13:47

This thread has shown me I need to leave Mumsnet.

It's full of the breastfeeding army who are incapable of seeing other views and understanding that breast isn't necessarily best for everyone.

confusedbymyheritage · 21/06/2020 13:53

@Ilovechinese

I was about to Envy at "Breast milk is a love substance" until I saw your next post and it was a typo Grin

Baws · 21/06/2020 13:55

It has to be a personal choice. I had children when I was young and breastfeeding was forced on me and I was made to feel as if I was failing my DD for feeling reluctant to do so. I those days (late 90s) you were told at antenatal classes that your children would grow up to have a lower IQ if they were bottle fed. I tried but didn’t produce enough milk and my first DD got seriously dehydrated. That was enough to persuade me not to do it. Both DDs are now adults, one has just achieved a first class honours degree and the other is in her second year studying a challenging subject at university. No evidence of their IQs or health in general being affected!l The point is that these studies are often small and biased, statistics can be interpreted in any way to support whatever point the writer is trying to prove. Whatever works for a mother, her baby and her life in general is best for all concerned.

Lweji · 21/06/2020 13:58

Default for me was (and recommended) breastfeeding, but formula fine. What works for you and your baby. Can't be arsed to be judgy on this issue.

I had to endure a first few minutes of incredible pain in the first couple of months, IIRC, but it got better with time, and it was really only at the start of the feed.

I did express a bit for when I was away, but it didn't work when I was at work, so we introduced a bottle of formula.

Breastfeeding:
Less fuss with bottles
"Nicer" poos
No issues of intolerance
Comfort
No issues with liquids on the plane
Handy to avoid crying during take off and landing

Bottle feeding:
When not around
Just as good if bf not possible, too difficult or not wanted

The baby doesn't have to be attached to you 24/7 at all.

Ethelfleda · 21/06/2020 14:11

t's full of the breastfeeding army who are incapable of seeing other views and understanding that breast isn't necessarily best for everyone

I am sorry you feel that way, but surely you can see it from other people’s points of view?
Being referred to as a breast feeding army for talking positively about BF’ing isn’t on and it is inflammatory.

My take/opinion is that breast is always best for nutrition purposes but how that affects the individual child is based on so many other factors that it has to be a personal decision.

For example - breastfeeding can be a wonderful way to bond if everyone is happy doing so. But if they aren’t, FF would be better for bonding as it too can be done in such a comforting and loving way - interacting with baby etc. And bonding is very important for infant development. That’s just one other view, aside from nutrition, where both ways of feeding could be better depending on the circumstances.

I understand that, if a mother is depressed, vulnerable and breastfeeding happens to affect her negatively (but remember, this isn’t the experience for every woman) then I can totally see why a handful of studies about nutritional benefits should not stand in the way of her feeling happier and more content - because the mother is important too!
But we cannot ignore the fact that breastfeeding has loads of positive sides too. It would be unfair on women wanting a balanced view if we didn’t point out the pros of bf’ing - nutritional or otherwise.

Purpletigers · 21/06/2020 14:12

Breast is best but formula is fine too .
My first was a micro preemie so I pumped for 3 months hoping to be able to bf while she was in IC . She just couldn’t do it and would turn blue , so I pumped for a couple of months after she came home (separating my milk into fore and hind milk) She had bm for another two months after I stopped pumping . She was very very small so when the bm was almost finished I was advised to start her on nutrapreem?? I forget the name .
I do think the bf kept her out of hospital her first winter .
My second I bf from the off and it was incredibly difficult and absolutely exhausting but as the first time round didn’t work I was determined not to give up . Stubbornly so . After about a year it started to get much easier . The more people questioned when I would stop the more determined I was to keep going . But I’m a contrary bint at the best of times 😂
I co slept with him and he would wake at night , feed and go back to sleep . I bf him for several years and he was the most contented baby ever . Some of my family had never seen him cry as a baby as he was so easy to settle . We have an incredible bond . I would do it again but it is knackering . I saved a fortune on formula too but probably spent it on food , especially toasted pancakes with real butter . The hunger is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before or since .

AiryFairyMum · 21/06/2020 14:52

@confusedbymyheritage but it's like someone asking 'which type of wine is best?' and everyone shouting back 'wine is best' without any kind of reasoning. Sure, some wines are generally thought of as better than others, and it is OK to discuss the merits of each option. But 'fed is best' shuts down any kind chance for people to look at the positives and the negatives.

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