To be relieved families probably won’t be going abroad this summer?

[Summermummer]

To keep a long story short, we as a family are fairly tight on money. I love my DC and would do anything for them. We live in a good area and my DC go to a good school and live in a safe place.
However, in order to afford to live where we do and pay the bills, money is tight. This means no “frivolous” expenses, which usually means no holidays.
Every year my DC return to school after summer to hear about all of their classmates summer holidays which are usually ‘big’ holidays (Orlando, Spain, etc) and they always ask why they can’t go on holiday and how I’m not as nice as their friends parents.
AIBU to be glad that just for once my kids won’t be made to feel left out?

I was that child too, was never jealous of my friends, it gave me something to work towards as i got older.
YABU, surely you can make some cuts somewhere to put money aside? Some great deals can be found and if you look at jet2 holidays and Tui they do 1 free child place when paying for 2 other guests

I'm sorry you can't afford holidays abroad. As a child I never went abroad either but knew people who did. I wasn't jealous though as we did have some lovely in holidays and knew we were fortunate enough to be able to have a week or so on holiday.

But I'm afraid you may be disappointed as I knew several people who are hoping it will be possible to travel abroad for a holiday this summer, even if it's not the holiday they'd originally planned.

We don't have anything booked for the summer as we'd not gotten around to actually booking for some reason, though did have everything planned out ready to book. But we are hoping to be allowed to go away somewhere. We are just waiting on the news of where might have 'air tunnels' so we can look into further.

So I'm afraid I suspect people will still be having holidays here and abroad this summer, all being well.

Im sorry but when has life ever been a "level playing field" FFS? There will always be someone better off ,thats just life! As long as you dont have to live on a Council Estate eh! What an insult to those people who work hard ,but arent in a well paid National Industry /Banker/Doctor or whatever! We were due to go to the US for my "Big Birthday" this year but will have to postpone it like lots of others .Do your DC also ask why Molly or Toms house is bigger /better car etc ?!!

I read this differently from some PP. The source of frustration sounds less the fact that other people take holidays the OP can't afford, but that they're complaining about losing out on this opportunity once, in a unique set of circumstances, when others are not lucky enough to have those opportunities in the first place. I can understand and sympathise with that view. I did also think that this comment from OP - it’s frustrating, and comments like this rub me the wrong way - might be another source of the problem and could or should be a cause for self-reflection. That kind of attitude hurts nobody but yourself. It will to foster feelings of discontentment with your lot which are likely to communicate themselves to the children. Better to focus on the fact that you're doing your best for them and have provided them with a safe and comfortable home.

We also chose to prioritize housing after our DC was born and have since taken a couple of fairly modest UK holidays a year. This year was to be a big road trip in the states - DC6's first trip abroad - timed as a long extension to a working trip of mine. Of course DC is disappointed, but it never does a child any harm to learn that we can't always have exactly what we want, when we want it. There will be other chances.

I too found @chinateapot's post heartbreaking and wanted to wish her family everything that is positive and good.

YABU. I hope you dont pass on such negative and jealous/bitter attitudes to your kids. I cannot imagine not wanting others to enjoy themselves because I couldn't afford it. Instead of teaching them to seethe with jealousy and wish negativity on others to negate your own feelings of inadequacy, how about teaching them to be glad others can do things because its inspirational and just shows that if they want to be a success they can achieve it too. If X can do it, so can I.

Comparison is the thief of joy and you'd be well served teaching that to your children instead of your current attitude.

and they always ask why they can’t go on holiday and how I’m not as nice as their friends parents.

How old are these kids? I'd be working on that ^^ attitude before feeling happy that other kids will be missing out on their holidays.

I bet its not "everyone" going on expensive holidays. My husband works in a high paying industry. Most of his managers seem to go on UK holidays.

We have Camped for the past 12 years or so. Our children loved it and we have a lot of happy memories. All this time I endured my Mum going on and on about how it would be so nice for the children to go abroad like nephew and niece do. Surely camping in France would be better? Acting all disappointed when she heard we were camping again. "Niece and nephew are off abroad again!".

We had saved up for a long time and last year we went on an amazing holiday, loads of trips the works. Mum isn't even interested in seeing our photos or hearing my children talk about it...Niece and nephew didn't go anywhere last year...bloody irritating.

People are allowed to enjoy what they have you know. I'd be furious if my children thought I wasn't nice to them because they didn't have an expensive holiday. On the few occasions they have moaned they want something we cant afford I sit them down and we work out the cost and how long it would take to save for it.

Also, where does it end. I have a bike and enjoy that...lots of people don't have bikes perhaps I should never mention or allow anyone to see the bike. Mind you a lot of people have better cars than me....Jealousy is very ugly.

OP is not saying that she is glad that others might not be going, she is saying that she feels relieved that her children don't feel left out and I understand how you feel OP. We always holidayed in Wales when our children were small, didn't start going abroad until our eldest was about 9 when our income had improved, but by far our best holidays were those spent in Wales, even the ones where the weather was crap! It's not where you go but what you make it, even if that's staying at home.

and again, since when a holiday in the UK is necessarily a "cheap holiday" whilst a holiday abroad a luxury item...

You clearly have never heard of cheap packages or at the look at the cost of holidays in this country. There's more than budget options here

Yanbu. We can't afford foreign holidays most years and it does grind you down constantly hearing about who's been where. Where I live people seem to go abroad every single holiday so that's Easter, Summer, October half term. It does make you feel a bit inferior sometimes and when your kids notice it is hard. We all want our kids to have a nice life and no one wants to feel like their kids are missing out no matter how much we try and be positive in front of our kids and teach them gratitude, it's natural for them to compare themselves to their peers.

Are mine the only kids who never seem to talk about their holidays with friends at school?

They never talk about where they have been and never ask others about where they have been. Completely uninterested.

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter great post!

Mine do, but they are all more interested in a detail (one food, one activity, that sort of things). None of them seem to give a monkey about the actual country where the others went in itself.

It's more the parents who are keen on keeping up with the joneses, not kids and teens thankfully.

Op it’s oerfectly human to feel worried that your DC don’t have what others have. And even more human to admit relief.

But let me tell you this - my DC are now adults. They had the luxury of traveling all round the world as kids. I mean they’ve been everywhere. And whilst they are glad they had that opportunity, what they really remember are all the funny/crazy things we got up to at home.
Home is the architecture of our children’s lives.

I don’t wish to be harsh but - what do you think your children care about more being in a “nice area” or being able to go abroad. Nice area etc are things adults care about (I certainly do!), not kids.

If you lived on the council estate you grew up on you keep mentioning and couldn’t afford holidays, no of course you wouldn’t be unreasonable feeling this way.

But your choices resulted in these actions so yes unreasonable.

OP I think living in a nice area beside good schools will give your children a bigger chance to aim high and end up in good careers. Then they can travel all they like. A good education with like minded peers is far more beneficial than 10-14 nights in another country once a year.

l love my DC and would do anything for them. We live in a good area and my DC go to a good school

gosh, you sound really full of yourself. Really glad my DC have wreckless and less than perfect parents which enables my DC to see and experience more of the world than a perfect home, school and neighborhood.

I kinda get it. I didn't go abroad until I was 14 and yeah, I kinda did feel left out. However, I completely understand why, I too had a single mum and she did her absolute best for me and we did always go on holiday in the UK which I always enjoyed.

DS who is 4 has only been abroad twice. Both times to euro camp. Both times super cheap and honestly he's loved it. It wasn't fancy. It wasn't expensive.

We've also taken him to super cheap UK destinations. I'm talking a £79 Wowcher caravan park deal in may. And you know what? He had just as good a time there. He enjoyed himself just as much.

Abroad Is not inherently better. I personally prefer it because the sunshine does me good, but for kids? Anywhere can be exciting if you go in with that attitude!

You need to teach them about money and about why you can't take them abroad.

YABU. I work with people who think nothing of going to Cuba or Brazil for 3 weeks, and somebody in the office actually laughed when I said we had a week in York.

If your DC are asking why they can't go on holiday take them in a caravan somewhere. Your OP sounds like you don't take them away at all.

@Euclid
What is the name of the charity you support? I would be interested in making a donation to them too.

I do understand what the OP means in that perhaps this lockdown, even though it has been horrific in many ways, has been a pause in the whirlwind of consumption and a reminder of what is really important in life. But we all make the best of what we have and someone who has paid for a holiday for their family is simply doing that too.

I get where you're coming from, OP. We are on a council estate and haven't much money, all our holidays as the kids were growing up were through the Sun newspaper's £9.50 tokens. We had some lovely UK caravan holidays but I couldn't help feeling I'd let my girls down when they went back in September and their friends discussed Disneyworld and other foreign adventures. Maybe the kids felt it too, maybe not, they never complained.

When my shy, retiring eldest approached their 18th, knowing they'd hate a party, we saved up for 5 days in Rome, as this was somewhere she'd always dreamt of going. AirBnB, Easyjet, local bus transfers. We were all in tears when we told her and the smile never left her face the whole time we were there. It was worth the overtime, the cutting back, if only once.

they always ask why they can’t go on holiday and how I’m not as nice as their friends parents.
AIBU to be glad that just for once my kids won’t be made to feel left out?

These are not nice sentiments.

My son's friend was hoping for a holiday abroad this year, rather than the camping in the UK holiday they frequently have. Money is tight for them too and although they've had some city breaks in Europe, it's not something they can do every year. My DS doesn't brag about our holiday but when his friend asks about our plans, are we supposed to lie and say we're staying at home? Just to spare his feelings because he wants a holiday with flights this time?

His family are doing their best. We are doing our best. We are just able to do more because our circumstances are different. Life is like that. I was very poor growing up, my clothes were hand-me-downs from much older cousins, so always unfashionable; my shoes were resoled and reheeled over and over until they fell apart; not only did I not have holidays abroad, I had to miss the Y6 school residential because we couldn't afford it.

Being glad that others won't be able to go away (although some will no doubt) either doesn't sound very nice. Or comments about council estates.

It’s not a race to the bottom. Just because your life is shit doesn’t mean someone else’s should be, we all have different priorities

Misery loves company eh

Sorry OP but it is a very selfish stance to take. We all catch ourselves thinking like this occasionally but at that point you stop and check yourself, not revel in other people missing out because it means you are on the same level.

We're all envious and jealous at time to time, it's part of being human, but rather than feed that jealousy you really have to think about all the good you have in your life or you will just become unpleasant.

I've lived in a flat on a council estate. It was fine.

We now own our own house.

If we had to choose I'd sacrifice owning my home and move back to the council flat if I meant I could have holidays.

People have different priorities. Holidays are our main/only big indulgence, I'd give up having a garden in exchange for holidays and would eat beans on toast and baked potatoes for a month if I had to.