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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be relieved families probably won’t be going abroad this summer?

180 replies

Summermummer · 20/06/2020 22:16

To keep a long story short, we as a family are fairly tight on money. I love my DC and would do anything for them. We live in a good area and my DC go to a good school and live in a safe place.
However, in order to afford to live where we do and pay the bills, money is tight. This means no “frivolous” expenses, which usually means no holidays.
Every year my DC return to school after summer to hear about all of their classmates summer holidays which are usually ‘big’ holidays (Orlando, Spain, etc) and they always ask why they can’t go on holiday and how I’m not as nice as their friends parents.
AIBU to be glad that just for once my kids won’t be made to feel left out?

OP posts:
morriseysquif · 20/06/2020 23:53

I totally get it. We are in the same position, it is exhausting keeping it all together.

bashcrashfall · 20/06/2020 23:57

I sympathise as I was that child. All my friends went on multiple foreign holidays and it was shit to be left for 8 weeks at home. They all had horses or swimming pools or holiday homes or boats too. By 17 it all just clicked into place and I wasn't bothered by it as I had some perspective, but 13-16, not helped by bullying at school, I didn't want to stand out and considered life wasn't very fair. I don't think that made me a 'bad' child, just a normal teen put in a situation I didn't cope with well.

I don't recommend being the scholarship kid at a private school by the way!

FromMarch2020 · 20/06/2020 23:58

YABVU

You choose to live where you do and have no money left over for holidays.... life is too short really .... experiences are key IMO

langdale2016 · 20/06/2020 23:59

YANBU

BrummyMum1 · 21/06/2020 00:00

Not sure why you're getting a hard time for this OP. I've also enjoyed a rest from holiday bragging during lockdown Smile

Itsjustabitofbanter · 21/06/2020 00:02

By the way. I grew up on a council estate. I had an amazing childhood. I lived on two different council estates when I got older. Lovely places. Then when my earnings increased I moved to a ‘nice’ area in a posh part of the city. I lasted 18 months with the miserable, judgemental snobs before I saved up enough money to buy a house. Which I did on a council estate. I’m back amongst my people, a friendly place all about community. It’s cheap af, the children’s childhoods are idyllic, they’ve got an amazing school, and I can afford two holidays a year. If you pulled your head out of your arse you’d see that there’s more to life than trying not to live on a council estate and wishing ill on people doing better than you

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 21/06/2020 00:05

Holiday bragging @BrummyMum1, really? Or are you just one of those petty, begrudging types who considers any mention of something you don’t or can’t have to be bragging?

JaniceWebster · 21/06/2020 00:08

Let's pretend for a minute that people won't go abroad - Spain is hardly a "big holiday" Grin as you can go on a cheap package just as much as a luxury affair, but anyway...

You will be surrounded by families who are going on luxury holidays within the UK instead, not sure why that makes you relieved?
As people had to cancel everything for the last 2 school break, Easter and May, they have a much bigger budget for the summer. You got that completely wrong Grin

you might want to avoid telling nonsense to your kids, because they are in for a nasty surprise in September if you told them everybody is spending the summer stuck at home.

Ilovemayo · 21/06/2020 00:11

By a nice area I mean not a council estate. Nice. Not.

pontypridd · 21/06/2020 00:12

So many of you are so horrible!

Why should OP's kids learn manners?

So many people on here boast of holidays to places my family could only ever dream of going to. Fortunately we're happy with our lot. We too are lucky and get to go somewhere, in England, every year. Most of the kids in our area live in a similar way to us.

It's hard for kids to hear about lives of others and understand why their's can't be the same. That's common sense isn't it. It's the same across the board.

Those of you judging and being unkind - do your families have holidays? If they do, then please don't judge those that don't, because you cannot possibly understand what OP is talking about.

Nicknacky · 21/06/2020 00:14

I’m interested about the use of the word “boast”. If I’m asked what I’m doing on my annual leave I will say “oh, I’m going to Florida/Italy/Spain”. That’s not boasting.

Posters who use that word are projecting their own insecurities.

BrummyMum1 · 21/06/2020 00:16

@CantSleepClownsWillEatMe I dont begrudge anyone anything, I just know people who brag about going on exotic holidays that's all. Obviously not everyone does but I have a couple of close family members that do and have enjoyed a break from it. Shoot me Grin

JaniceWebster · 21/06/2020 00:17

Those of you judging and being unkind
Well, I judge, and I have nowhere near the budget to do a fraction of what the royals or Adele or any richer people can do. I still don't wish for them to be miserable to make myself feel better, I just wish I had as much as they do.

Holidays are really important for me, so I make them a priority 🤷

BritWifeinUSA · 21/06/2020 00:18

So you’d rather have a nice house than your children have wonderful holiday memories. Great.

Travel is never frivolous.

pontypridd · 21/06/2020 00:19

I don't think their was any suggestion that OP wanted anyone to feel miserable was there?

Breckenridged · 21/06/2020 00:19

I don’t know, I don’t think you’re being U OP. I’m not on your position but I see where you’re coming from.

Holothane · 21/06/2020 00:20

I was one of the have nots at a school but as I grew older I cared less.

pontypridd · 21/06/2020 00:21

So you’d rather have a nice house than your children have wonderful holiday memories.

Hmmm that's a difficult one. If given the choice would you live in a shit hole and use your money to travel instead?

When OP says she lives in a safe area - I think she means just that. Somewhere where she and her family feels safe. She's not talking about living in a mansion with a swimming pool.

chinateapot · 21/06/2020 00:22

Well. My kids didn’t go on any holidays last summer because my younger daughter was having chemo. That was a shitty summer holiday in which they both missed out. No holiday this year either thanks to covid and shielding. I bet that’s a relief. Be awful if they’d had the chance to have a nice week away in Scotland and their classmates couldn’t.

Also worth noting that all the Make a wish charity trips overseas have been cancelled. Despite kids with critical illnesses having been told they can have a holiday of a lifetime to look forward to and see them through the awfulness of living with a critical illness.

I’m not pleased about any of this. It sucks for everyone, in different ways.

And as for levelling the playing field - well, it’s actually I suspect hugely widening opportunity gaps for schools to be closed for so long.

YABU.

EasterIssland · 21/06/2020 00:22

Yabu you’ve chosen the type of life you want and others have chosen theirs.
I’ve 3 holidays this year (two European and japan) and I’m 98% sure I’ll be able to do at least 2 if not all. I’ve had to cancel another 2.

Think you should be grateful. I think it’s too sad that your happiness will be based on other people’s problems.

Lalala205 · 21/06/2020 00:24

If you can't afford it then it is what it is. But I'd honestly not put Orlando and Spain in the same category (unless you just mean you can't afford abroad full stop?). Orlando from the UK really is a fortune that's out of the majority grasp (esp Disney). Spain is still £xxx but there are good deals if you shop around and book way in advance and then budget for it. AI gets a bad rep but when it's all in for food/drinks/ice creams it really brings the cost down vs self catering. If money is really tight then obviously that's still too far from your grasp, but coach trips for 2/3 nights that are all inclusive (when they restart), are normally really good value for money and you can incorporate a show or something like the Blackpool lights/funfair. To be honest I'm really lucky family took Dd on holiday as a child when she was young as I couldn't afford it. But as an adult she honestly states she only has vague memories of the holidays in places I'm still in no position to afford.

pontypridd · 21/06/2020 00:26

Wow. Wow. Wow.

Have any of you actually read what OP wrote?

Is the world really so full of such bitchy/judgey people/women?

I've never seen such mean unempathetic drivel as I've read in response to OP here.

What a nasty lot of people so many of you on this thread are.

TypingError · 21/06/2020 00:27

Other people have obviously prioritised holidays and other memories

There's a lot more to good memories than foreign holidays.

Jeremyironsnothing · 21/06/2020 00:27

You are entitled to feel how you feel.

CuppaZa · 21/06/2020 00:28

Blimey there are some total bitches responding to this thread.

I get what you mean @Summermummer . For the people posting that that clearly don’t: OP is more likely to be sad that she feels her DC are missing out, rather than gleeful that people may have their holidays ruined.

Most posters here seem to be totally devoid of empathy.