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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be relieved families probably won’t be going abroad this summer?

180 replies

Summermummer · 20/06/2020 22:16

To keep a long story short, we as a family are fairly tight on money. I love my DC and would do anything for them. We live in a good area and my DC go to a good school and live in a safe place.
However, in order to afford to live where we do and pay the bills, money is tight. This means no “frivolous” expenses, which usually means no holidays.
Every year my DC return to school after summer to hear about all of their classmates summer holidays which are usually ‘big’ holidays (Orlando, Spain, etc) and they always ask why they can’t go on holiday and how I’m not as nice as their friends parents.
AIBU to be glad that just for once my kids won’t be made to feel left out?

OP posts:
VodkaCranberry2 · 21/06/2020 00:32

I feel for you. Some of the people on here just love to be nasty for the sake of it. YANBU. I’m so tired of Mumsnet and considering leaving it after seeing many of these threads, including one of my own which left me in tears, filled with spiteful women. It’s disgusting.

Nicknacky · 21/06/2020 00:32

So why doesn’t she post about being sad she can’t afford a holiday rather bring “relieved” that other people are getting theirs?

pontypridd · 21/06/2020 00:34

You're misreading the OP - Nickynacky.

She's relieved that her children will not feel left out this year.

Do you have children? Do they never feel left out? If not - they and you are lucky.

pastaparadise · 21/06/2020 00:34

YANBU - I get where you're coming from.

I cant believe other countries will risk having brits visit given our high infection rate. unless you can self isolate before you go abroad i think it's selfish to travel - look at the women from uk who've just transmitted it to nz.

Everyone is clamouring to go back to flying as before - all the stuff about nature recovering while we were in lockdown meant 0 flying fucks to most people

SummerBaby2020 · 21/06/2020 00:38

Don’t mean to derail the thread but @chinateapot that’s heart breaking Sad hope your DD is on the mend Flowers And hopefully you and your family can travel soon even just up here to sunny ( for a change lol ) Scotland just to get a break away x

Nicknacky · 21/06/2020 00:39

pontypridd I have two children. They have been brought up to be happy and be confident in their lives and not be jealous of others. Although, to be fair, they get their fair share of holidays and are in a large house.

malificent7 · 21/06/2020 00:40

I am more relieved that flights have been cancelled to give the environment a break. It won't last.

chinateapot · 21/06/2020 00:44

@SummerBaby2020 thank you. She’s doing well and we’re very lucky compared to lots of other people (plus kids on chemo have - mostly - just been reclassified as vulnerable rather than extremely vulnerable so we had a very successful socially distanced day at the beach today - gorgeous!)

This whole thing has been hard for everyone in various ways. We’ve had some really tough stuff to deal with - but I’ve been lucky enough to have a stable job and able to work from home. It’s impossible to judge what other people are going through, everyone has their challenges regardless of wealth or whatever. Since diagnosis especially I have been trying to see the good things even amongst the awful days - it does help!

TypingError · 21/06/2020 00:44

Most posters here seem to be totally devoid of empathy

Agree. Don't understand why OP is getting such bad press.

pontypridd · 21/06/2020 00:44

Although, to be fair, they get their fair share of holidays and are in a large house.

Well then Nicknacky I think you should stop commenting on this thread. Particularly if you are going to be unkind.

Euclid · 21/06/2020 00:45

I give money to a charity that provides country holidays for inner city children. These are very poor children, often carers for an ill parent and/or younger siblings, most of whom live in terrible conditions. The children are often recommended to the charity by a teacher, as they desperately need a break.
On their one week break they do things like swimming, drama, drawing, things that many children take for granted.
By coincidence I received an appeal letter from the charity today and read about how COVID has closed the holiday houses and how the children who had been given places had to be disappointed.
These very poor children are the ones to feel sorry for, not your children who are sorry that you cannot keep up with the Joneses.

leftovercoffeecake · 21/06/2020 00:46

YABU.
Finding relief in other people’s misery just doesn’t sit right.

chinateapot · 21/06/2020 00:47

@euclid agreed. Impact on charities of all this has been horrendous. And the impact on those who were already disadvantaged has been far worse than those who were relatively privileged before hand.

JaniceWebster · 21/06/2020 00:48

So the OP is relieved because she wrongly thinks no one is going to have a holiday and WE are unsympathetic because she can't keep up with the Joneses?

HAHA
Looking at some of the abusive replies, I am guessing she is not the only one to be happy when they think others are miserable. Bitter jealousy only hurts you, no one else...

KensalGreen · 21/06/2020 00:49

I’m surprised at the nastiness of many comments in here. Take a look at yourselves...

OP, I understand and I was that child too.

JaniceWebster · 21/06/2020 00:51

the normal reaction of a decent parent is "what can I do to ensure my kids don't miss out",
not "let's hope everyone else misses out so we are all miserable together"

Sittingontheveranda · 21/06/2020 00:52

@Nicknacky I have two children....brought up not be jealous of others....to be fair, they get their fair share of holidays and are in a large house.

I'm really puzzled as to why you said this in response to a poster who said she can never afford to take her kids on holidays. What was your point? It certainly wasn't to be helpful. Did you write it simply to rub her nose in it?
The same applies to the poster who said that she is going on five holidays next year?

Why did you feel the need to say that to somebody? Just why?

FeralUnicorn · 21/06/2020 00:55

I kind I get you op. My kids have also asked why we don’t have all the foreign holidays! But at the same time they understand that everyone and every circumstance is different.

Me personally, I would rather the camping holiday in the U.K. with friends and families, I think the world is much too materialistic and self entitled at the moment and if anything lockdown has shown people more for what they actually are!

If anything it would want me to teach my kids that money isn’t everything, you can still make memories at home, it really is the little things that count! Do you know what, I had holidays abroad and holidays camping, my fondest memories are the ones camping with family, it’s not always what money can buy!

Stay123 · 21/06/2020 00:56

Gosh a lot of vile replies. She is just relieved that her children won’t feel left out for once. Her children aren’t jealous, they are just yearning to go to Orlando or somewhere like that and join in chatting about their foreign holidays with the other kids. Stop being so smug.

ViciousJackdaw · 21/06/2020 00:56

We live in a good area and my DC go to a good school

Every year my DC return to school after summer to hear about all of their classmates summer holidays which are usually ‘big’ holidays (Orlando, Spain, etc) and they always ask why they can’t go on holiday and how I’m not as nice as their friends parents

To be honest the area you live in and the school your DC go to doesn't sound all that good if it's instilling this shitty attitude in them.

FeralUnicorn · 21/06/2020 00:56

To add, at the same time I don’t begrudge others their foreign holidays, everyone’s priority’s and wants are different :)

Euclid · 21/06/2020 00:57

Just think of the poor children who never go on holiday and don't live in nice houses or nice areas and probably don't get enough to eat. Your children are lucky OP.

blosstree · 21/06/2020 00:58

Thing is OP, people live to their means. There will be plenty of people who look at what you and your children have and be jealous over that - for example people who don't live in 'nice areas'.

People prioritise differently. Some people might live in cheaper areas and drive cheaper cars so that they can have a holiday. Some people will forego holidays so that they can live in a more expensive area or drive a nicer car.

Sounds like if your kids did get a holiday abroad they'd be bitter about something else.

JaniceWebster · 21/06/2020 00:59

It's pretty vile to be happy about others having an equally shit time.
A decent human being wishes for happy things, not for shared misery.

If you are camping and you are unhappy with torrential rain, you don't wish for everybody you know to be flooded, you wish for sunshine! Or you are a very unpleasant individual.

MrsTravers · 21/06/2020 01:02

YANBU, in that I understand where you are coming from. It is hard when you want your children to have the same as their friends (I had similar as a child but now understand and am hugely grateful to my parents as I am sure your DC will be) - and I think this is the type of thing you would not presumably say on RL?

We did have 10 days booked in France but are moving it to next year - it just feels too early to go abroad, particularly as that's how the whole thing spread in Europe. One of my thoughts has been at least it won't be just my kids in that position. We didn't go away last year so they'll be doubly disappointed and we can't do the other option of staying with grandparents in the UK as they'll be shielding.

Hopefully after the past few months, you'll be able to enjoy some time off together with a bit more variety.

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