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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be relieved families probably won’t be going abroad this summer?

180 replies

Summermummer · 20/06/2020 22:16

To keep a long story short, we as a family are fairly tight on money. I love my DC and would do anything for them. We live in a good area and my DC go to a good school and live in a safe place.
However, in order to afford to live where we do and pay the bills, money is tight. This means no “frivolous” expenses, which usually means no holidays.
Every year my DC return to school after summer to hear about all of their classmates summer holidays which are usually ‘big’ holidays (Orlando, Spain, etc) and they always ask why they can’t go on holiday and how I’m not as nice as their friends parents.
AIBU to be glad that just for once my kids won’t be made to feel left out?

OP posts:
Iamthewombat · 20/06/2020 23:05

You’ve mortgaged yourself to the hilt to live in what you consider to be a ‘good’ area and now you are rejoicing that other people can’t enjoy things that you have knowingly sacrificed?

Wearywithteens · 20/06/2020 23:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Twentynone21 · 20/06/2020 23:08

Completely understand. My kids are all grown up but when they were younger I wanted them to be completely the same as their more well off friends and I also had a tough upbringing and wanted them to have more than I did. We were very lucky and managed to have a couple of lovely holidays. However, they remember the more mundane things we did together like baking biscuits or rock pooling at the coast. For me, this period of lockdown has taken the pressure off, which I am grateful for. You sound like a mum doing her best; your kids are very lucky!

NeilTheBaby · 20/06/2020 23:08

Well I'm glad you are happy my trip to Orlando has been cancelled. 18 months of planning and excitement (not to mention the saving). I'm not sure if me or my 6 year old have been more excited in the run up, choosing character restaurants etc, but you'll be happy to know that we aren't going anymore.

I have just booked an alternative at a water park in Europe in August that I'm fairly confident will go ahead instead though Grin

YgritteSnow · 20/06/2020 23:08

This attitude doesn't surprise me. I've often thought that much of strenuous judgment on MN against people who take term time holidays comes from a place of resentment because those posters don't want to prioritise or can't afford holidays and don't want their kids asking why they don't go on them or to feel like they're missing out.

Original poster
Summermummer · 20/06/2020 23:10

Previous posters - I truly am sorry if I offended you. My kids are generally lovely - they know that we can’t afford the same as others (e.g Christmas is a small affair and not a day for excessive presents and they’re happy with that). I don’t mind that I don’t go on holiday as I sacrifice that to give my children better opportunities (state school educated still) and my kids don’t blame me now they’re older, but I know they’re still sad about it. All I’m trying to say is it’s unfair - so many people are making a huge fuss about no holidays when so many of us can’t afford that luxury and there are bigger things to worry about. And yes maybe I am selfish to be secretly relieved my kids won’t be the only ones left out on the holiday front this year, but I feel it’s natural as a mother to want to prevent my kids from feeling shunned

OP posts:
coffeeforone · 20/06/2020 23:11

YABU. Loads of people will buy/rent cheaper ex-council houses because they prefer to afford holidays. You choose to live somewhere that makes holidays unaffordable for you then you shouldn't compare.

MaxNormal · 20/06/2020 23:11

OP, YANBU mainly because no-one from the UK should be going to another country this year without full 14 day quarantine and testing

We're off to Spain in a month.

buckeejit · 20/06/2020 23:12

Yabvu. We can't afford holidays abroad either but don't begrudge other people theirs. And the impact this will have on the travel industry is huge.

Use it as a lesson for your dc that everyone has different circumstances & comparison is the third of joy.

Nicknacky · 20/06/2020 23:12

It’s not unfair at all. Everyone’s circumstances are different.

Your kids aren’t shunned at all. It’s your paranoia that’s making you think that.

IcedPurple · 20/06/2020 23:12

All I’m trying to say is it’s unfair - so many people are making a huge fuss about no holidays when so many of us can’t afford that luxury and there are bigger things to worry about

Life is unfair. I'm sure you can afford many things that millions of others can't. As for 'bigger things to worry about', it's not really your concern what others do or do not worry about, is it?

Nicknacky · 20/06/2020 23:13

And why mention being a “key worker”?

Msmcc1212 · 20/06/2020 23:13

Similar to you op we can’t afford fancy hols but DC friends go on safaris and to Florida etc as well as other trips. We go camping in the UK but even that isn’t possible this year due to financial impact of covid. It is hard to explain to a child why and it can make you feel like a crap parent because you can’t give them the same opportunity as their friends. Also if there are less holidays abroad that’s less climate impact which is good for us all. So I’m with you on this OP that, whilst I do empathise if people can’t have the holiday they usually would, it’s nice to have a more even playing field. I’d love to see a more even playing field in lots of aspects of life. I think it’s better for society as a whole if there is less inequality but that’s a whole other thread!

RiftGibbon · 20/06/2020 23:14

We don't go abroad either. We like beaches and woodlands and there are enough of those here to satisfy us. It also means that we can take holidays near family members we don't see often.

Don't get me wrong, I have been abroad before, and have enjoyed it, but DC will not be interested in sightseeing for more than a day or so, and it's not worth the expense of going somewhere far flung to do exactly what I'd do here for 1/10 the price.

okiedokieme · 20/06/2020 23:16

Sorry but I know plenty of people going abroad, as they wfh they will isolate on return if needed.

IcedPurple · 20/06/2020 23:16

So I’m with you on this OP that, whilst I do empathise if people can’t have the holiday they usually would, it’s nice to have a more even playing field

How?

The fact that some people may not be able to holiday abroad this year due to Covid restrictions doesn't 'even the playing field'. They'll presumably still be able to go next year when others may not. The 'playing field' is as uneven as it ever was.

notheragain4 · 20/06/2020 23:17

OP I'm sorry you feel this way. We all want to do the best we can for our kids and it's easy to get het up on what we aren't doing and forgetting what we are doing, it sounds like you're giving your children a comfortable, stable and safe upbringing. It's easy to take that for granted as a child, but they will realise what you did for them, no harm pointing it out if they start acquainting holidays to "nicer" parents again though!

suchclearwater · 20/06/2020 23:19

Why mention that you are a key worker?! Why do people have to do this? Is it done kind of justification of something?Confused

Sittingontheveranda · 20/06/2020 23:20

I know where you are coming from OP. I think it is worthwhile sitting your children down and explaining that you live in a nice area and spend your money on that.
I would prefer to live in a lovely area with good schools than in the best house in a crap area, the main payoff being I could spend fourteen nights on holiday.
Think longterm. And if possible book a week in a caravan somewhere or stay with family in a different part of the country so the children can have a holiday. I don't think children mind where they go as long as they go somewhere.

suchclearwater · 20/06/2020 23:20

Some

Greggers2017 · 20/06/2020 23:22

@suyoi
Could take them on holiday. You canbudget, what about camping or a cheap air bnb. I was a single mum, in a minimum wage job and managed to take them away at least once per year.

DisobedientHamster · 20/06/2020 23:23

@Summermummer

To posters who say they “work hard for their money” - I do work hard. I’m a single mother and work long hours as a key worker. By a nice area I mean not a council estate, which is where I grew up. I totally get where some of you are coming from and I know I shouldn’t compare but it’s frustrating, and comments like this rub me the wrong way.
Wow, aren't you a charmer? What a nasty attitude, 'I can't go on holiday so glad when others can't, either!' but hey, at least it's not a council estate Hmm.

Hope they all travel all over and come back with tales of how wonderful it was.

Schadenfreude is very unpleasant.

Not being able to be happy for others is a terrible way to go through life.

FunnysInLaJardin · 20/06/2020 23:23

Max excellent. Just keep away from my best friend who has been in lockdown in Spain (and I mean proper lockdown, not the shit UK version) and her immune compromised DH would you?

The beaches have literally just opened and from tomorrow unlimited numbers of folk can travel there with no quarantine.

She is quite rightly terrified, after 9,000 infections per day at its height, of a second wave and further lockdown.

Just because you all, you know, deserve a holiday. Fantastic.

These places are other peoples homes.

bubbleup · 20/06/2020 23:23

"So I’m with you on this OP that, whilst I do empathise if people can’t have the holiday they usually would, it’s nice to have a more even playing field

How?

The fact that some people may not be able to holiday abroad this year due to Covid restrictions doesn't 'even the playing field'. They'll presumably still be able to go next year when others may not. The 'playing field' is as uneven as it ever was."

Quite. I'll be able to go on an amazing holiday next year if I fancy it. The holiday pot has doubled. I didn't realise I was on a "playing field" either Confused

bubbleup · 20/06/2020 23:25

Oh. And if it matters we are "key workers" 😂