About shielding..

[cornish009]

My husband received THE letter back in March and the household have all shielded with him since then. This means none of us have been out of the house or garden (thankfully a big one) for any reason at all for about 13/14 weeks now. All food obtained is via getting deliveries, often staying up all night to get a slot, and all medicines delivered too. No one has been into our house either in that time. It's been so hard emotionally, as we miss our other children/grandchildren desperately but we have stuck to the rules 100% simply to save my husand's life.

I totally believe that everyone should do what they need to do during this time. Every family is different and every health issue is different. There is no right and wrong. And I have no right to criticise anyone else's decisions.

However, time and time again I read on here from someone who is "shielding", who then say they just go to the supermarket or out for exercise or to meet someone, even if that is socially distanced. I don't mean they are wrong to do that, not at all, but I personally don't call that shielding.

I ask because now if I use the word "shielding" to others, they assume it's being a bit careful, and going outside at quiet times, when to us shielding is not yet going out at all. I have found over the weeks that more and more people don't qute understand that we are at home all the time, and have to stay there, and no we can't go to Tescos at 8am. No the children in our household can't go back to school because we are shielding and it would not be safe for them to come back into the safe haven we have created. Others think of us as very weird for doing what we do but as I say I consider it life and death.

So AIBU to think that if you have been out of the house, for any reason, then you are not completely shielding? You can do that, of course you can, but please don't say you are shielding if you go outside sometimes. Or am I the only one who feels this way?

ps and yes perfectly aware at some point we will need to re-join society, but that time is not yet.

You are not being unreasonable. Well done keeping your DH safe. You are following the Govt shielding guidance. Continue to do what is right :-)

I think it’s as simple as there is not a word to describe people who are vulnerable (ie eligible for a flu shot) and therefore being extra careful but maybe not shielding as explained by your definition of shielding. Honestly, I don’t see how it matters - there are different shades of grey - I am guessing you are rightly feeling a bit fed up of shielding.

My aunt is shielding, but she sees my cousin (her son) because he has complex MH needs and all of his NHS support in the community was taken away in March. She would love to stay in, but he wouldn't be eating or anything. He doesn't really trust anyone else, so not much choice. She would love to have had the chance to stay inside and potter about in her garden. I see where you're coming from, but people have been advised to shield yet are capable of making decisions and weighing risks themselves.

Just popped on to send best wishes. I am appalled by the abuse you have had on here. Autumnmum and FromMarch2020 should in particular be ashamed of themselves.

Thank you for your supportive and compassionate words 2old4thissite. I appreciate them so very much!! Maybe I am too old for this site too!!!

You are not being unreasonable. Well done keeping your DH safe. You are following the Govt shielding guidance. Continue to do what is right :-)

Oh how lovely sackcummings - thank you for your words. I have felt in despair this afternoon but your words have cheered me up enormously. It is lovely to know someone understands!

Cornish, please stop the apologies and saying sorry for the same things.
You've said it and explained more them enough, if people can't see this and are still annoyed or rude, ignore stuffthem.
You've had it rough and I imagine it's so hard knowing what to do for the best now.
I hope you find a better routine and more peace when things slowly get back to some kind of normal. Until then, you've done nothing wrong

You are not being unreasonable. Well done keeping your DH safe. You are following the Govt shielding guidance. Continue to do what is right :-)

I absolutely second this too. All the people that have been completely breaking the rules and putting people at great risk.... Your the last person that should say sorry for anything

My aunt is shielding, but she sees my cousin (her son) because he has complex MH needs and all of his NHS support in the community was taken away in March

I understand your aunt's situation and know how hard it is. I have adult sons with additional needs (who live at home) and it has been so difficult for one in particular who cannot understand why his support worker can no longer visit him. As well, of course, of how difficult the changes in his routine have been for him. We've had meltdowns over not being able to get the right brand of peanut butter!! I wish your aunt and her son well, it must be a difficult time for them. I know how lucky we all are here being able to stay home.

I have talked to two colleagues this week who are shielding and have not left the house and garden apart from hospital appointments. It made me realise how lucky I am to have had relative normality. However, most others I know who were advised to shield have either not done it or interpreted it loosely. One of the people above is desperate to come back to the office but they won't let her. The other, like you, doesn't know when it will end for her.

Thank you @cornish009. It sounds like you are doing amazing, let's hope there's some positive news soon about realistic ways for those shielding to be kept safe but take some steps back to 'normality' whatever that looks like now. My neighbour has home deliveries but due to various reasons her daughter will only eat one brand of jam, and it's on a very short list of safe foods. I always keep an eye out for it in the shops and I have about 6 jars at home ready for when she needs them, perhaps someone could do the same for you if you have trouble getting it again? It's very real isn't it.

YABU it's nothing to do with you, as you stated every family is different as is every health issue. There can be different levels of shielding. It's all about lowering the risks. Even the food brought to your house could pose a risk so you could say your not even 100% shielding!

I was shielding for 10 weeks just as you were and then was told to go back into work. I am unable to social distance or wear PPE despite the arguments between me and my boss. I therefore 'shield' at all other times as I know I am at a huge risk and do not wish to put myself in any further danger.

Not rtft but OP you should have been able to get a priority delivery slot from the main supermarkets if you've registered on the gov website as a shielding household.

@cornish009: I'm a shielder too. Don't know if this is allowed but, if you do Facebook, there is an "NHS self shielding/isolation support group" that you can join and you will find many, many kindred spirits.

You will find lot of folk who, like you, haven't set foot over the threshold (some since way before lockdown was official) and every other version of shielding that you can think of.

It does help to "speak" to like minded individuals and it can be an excellent source of information - some of which is even true!!!😉

Word is, Monday's briefing will be the next shielders update.

I started shielding in early March at the suggestion of my lung doctor (it was called isolating then, shielding hadn’t been ‘invented’). I didn’t leave the house for 11 weeks. As my DD is too young to socially distance from me within the house (which is what the shielding letter says to do), her and my DH shielded with me. Both my DH and I have worked from home throughout. In England the govt advice for shielders changed on 1 June so that we may go out once a day for exercise, whilst maintaining strict social distancing. So I’ve been doing that and it has made a huge difference to my mental health. None of us have been anywhere other than for walks since then, all shopping has been delivered and we haven’t met up with family because that doesn’t apply to shielders. We’re following the shielding advice because I feel it’s the right thing- I’m not just blindly following it but feel it’s currently at the right level for my own risk assessment. I think YABU to say that unless you haven’t left the house at all you are not shielding as the guidance for shielders clearly says that you can now go out for exercise once a day and for medical treatment. However, YANBU to feel very stressed by the situation and by other people not understanding. I’m finding it really hard- haven’t seen friends or family for 15 weeks now. Most people can’t imagine what it’s like to have not been able to leave the house for weeks on end and a lot of people are now getting quite blasé. Friends are starting to meet up in groups and some find it hard to understand why we can’t join them, and why DD can’t go back to nursery. Just do what feels right for you and don’t worry about what everyone else is doing- it doesn’t matter if they don’t understand (a lot will though). Sending you

I had said DH hadn’t stepped over the threshold, however today he went on a short walk. He’s done loads in the garden but the walk was a total shock to his system and his legs were aching. He saw no one.
He’s been terrified of going out but I think we’ve already had it, he was more in danger when he was still in work, he has many Chinese colleagues who were still coming and going into February.

I'd say shielding is behaving in a way to protect a vulnerable person. The metaphor of the shield is of something that comes between a threat and that which would be hurt by the threat. How you choose to shield someone is another matter. You're describing isolation - that's the word you should use.

My Mum is shielding - she has a letter, however it stated in the shielding letter that my Dad does not need to stay in and can go out for essentials as long as he socially distances. Fine if you've gone above and beyond but those living with the very vunerable that have needed to go out for essentials are not doing anything wrong.

I hope you find a better routine and more peace when things slowly get back to some kind of normal. Until then, you've done nothing wrong

Thank you for that ThatUserNamesTakenTryAnother. I appreciate your words.

Even the food brought to your house could pose a risk so you could say your not even 100% shielding!

That's very true MissMarple82. Although I do disinfect anything I can, there is always a chance I have missed something.

I was shielding for 10 weeks just as you were and then was told to go back into work. I am unable to social distance or wear PPE despite the arguments between me and my boss. I therefore 'shield' at all other times as I know I am at a huge risk and do not wish to put myself in any further danger.

That's awful walker1821. How horrible. That must be really stressful. I really hope you stay well and safe.

I'm a shielder too. Don't know if this is allowed but, if you do Facebook, there is an "NHS self shielding/isolation support group" that you can join and you will find many, many kindred spirits

Thank you so much wingedharpy. I am on facebook and will certainly join the group you mention. It would help so much to chat to others in the same situation, and hopefully be able to both receive and give support to/from others.

I thought there was going to be a shielding update on 15th June, so yes I agree there may well be something said at the beginning of the week. Although I admit I am not sticking to the rules and blindly following what the government say, I am doing this simply because I believe shielding as a household is the best possible way to try and avoid my husband catching it.

Do you have a street Whatsapp group or local area Facebook page? People who are reliant on others to food shop for them at the moment sometimes put requests for people to see if they’re able to obtain hard to get items. I’ve got a specific type of jam for an elderly lady for example and I was happy to be able to help. There are so many kind people out there and if they know your son loves a particular brand or peanut butter etc, they’ll be more than happy to help you out if they can.

However, YANBU to feel very stressed by the situation and by other people not understanding. I’m finding it really hard- haven’t seen friends or family for 15 weeks now. Most people can’t imagine what it’s like to have not been able to leave the house for weeks on end and a lot of people are now getting quite blasé. Friends are starting to meet up in groups and some find it hard to understand why we can’t join them, and why DD can’t go back to nursery. Just do what feels right for you and don’t worry about what everyone else is doing- it doesn’t matter if they don’t understand (a lot will though)

It was good to read your interesting and honest post butterflytown. I have found it much harder since lockdown is beginning to ease, as others all assume it will apply to us too. And in a twist of fate this somehow makes me feel more at risk, as those I would love to see are now out and about, meaning it seems more important to stick to my own rules. I really couldn't care less if I never stepped inside a Tesco again, or visited a restaurant, pub, hairdressers, gym, concert and so on, but oh how I long to hug my daughter and grandchildren again. For that I have a physical yearning...but I know how lucky I am too.

I'd say shielding is behaving in a way to protect a vulnerable person. The metaphor of the shield is of something that comes between a threat and that which would be hurt by the threat. How you choose to shield someone is another matter. You're describing isolation - that's the word you should use

That's interesting weaselknickers (great name by the way). I have always avoided using the word isolation because to me that means alone, and we are lucky enough not to be alone. But I see your point that it is probably a more appropriate word to use about my situation. So I shall use it in future.