About shielding..

[cornish009]

My husband received THE letter back in March and the household have all shielded with him since then. This means none of us have been out of the house or garden (thankfully a big one) for any reason at all for about 13/14 weeks now. All food obtained is via getting deliveries, often staying up all night to get a slot, and all medicines delivered too. No one has been into our house either in that time. It's been so hard emotionally, as we miss our other children/grandchildren desperately but we have stuck to the rules 100% simply to save my husand's life.

I totally believe that everyone should do what they need to do during this time. Every family is different and every health issue is different. There is no right and wrong. And I have no right to criticise anyone else's decisions.

However, time and time again I read on here from someone who is "shielding", who then say they just go to the supermarket or out for exercise or to meet someone, even if that is socially distanced. I don't mean they are wrong to do that, not at all, but I personally don't call that shielding.

I ask because now if I use the word "shielding" to others, they assume it's being a bit careful, and going outside at quiet times, when to us shielding is not yet going out at all. I have found over the weeks that more and more people don't qute understand that we are at home all the time, and have to stay there, and no we can't go to Tescos at 8am. No the children in our household can't go back to school because we are shielding and it would not be safe for them to come back into the safe haven we have created. Others think of us as very weird for doing what we do but as I say I consider it life and death.

So AIBU to think that if you have been out of the house, for any reason, then you are not completely shielding? You can do that, of course you can, but please don't say you are shielding if you go outside sometimes. Or am I the only one who feels this way?

ps and yes perfectly aware at some point we will need to re-join society, but that time is not yet.

No worries OP.
It's a difficult time for everyone, shielding or no. I'm putting any of my radge outbursts down to Shielding Fever (like cabin fever, but with the odd walk).

I totally agree that it feels like we've been forgotten. There is an ongoing shielding chat thread here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3943825-thread-3-shielding-chat?pg=1

It's been great for having a venty space/support from other posters - join in if you haven't already.

How will you cope for money?

We are using our savings at the moment. I have not yet thought ahead in the longer term as none of us really know what the long term will be.

Cornish009 I understand better where you are coming from by I am troubled that you have had no support.
I personally, have been amazed at the help which has been offered to me - priority delivery, medicines etc delivered, visit from helpline personnel (as I had not requested anything), and if I needed, I could have had free food. Like a PP, my GP thought it better for me to go out & walk my dogs, as fitness is my thing. But I have actually been very impressed at the shielding programme where I live (NE Scotland) and I am sorry if that’s not been available to you. 💐

Think you might all benefit from a bit of time out for your mental health.

Thank you so much for thinking of me, quaverqueen. I really appreciate that. But I do now realise I am creating my own misery here, but feel I cannot risk my husband's physical health for the sake of my mental health. However, of course I realise the risks you take every single day as a nurse, and thank you for that from the bottom of my heart. You are a real hero - I am a self indulgent whinger (at the very least). Thank you for replying.

I hope you’re all pleased with yourselves. The OP was just looking for a bit of understanding and empathy. I think you’ve had some tough comments here, OP. I, too assumed that shielding meant not going out at all, as my friend who has MS has been doing. She has had to claim benefits because although she worked, she can no longer do so.

It's a shame that this post went the way it did.

I don't think many non shielders have really any idea what life is like for shielders. My husband is shielding. But, talking to friends and acquaintances, it's clear that they don't really take on board about not going out, even for exercise,at the start of lockdown. The lack of regular contact from the government and nhs etc. Consequences of reduced treatment etc. Those now talking about having distanced barbecues don't realise shielding people can't do that.

But then, in normal times, people find it hard to fully comprehend how other people live, and that's life. We all have our own "lived experience" (for want of a better phrase).

Also, you say your thankfully big garden, you know some shielders are in flats, some with kids and no gardens

Yes of course I do. The reason I mentioned the garden was because I absolutely realise that I am so very lucky, and the jungle we call a garden has enabled us to get all the fresh air we need. I am blessed.

We’re all trying to get through this and finding our own paths, knocking each other down is crappy

Oh goodness, that was the very last thing I wanted to do. I wrongly thought I put across I respected other people's decisions that were different to ours. Obviously not. I completely 100% agree with you.

@cornish009 bless you. It’s bloody hard isn’t it. We have gone for a couple of early morning walks when there’s no one around and it helps hugely. I know you weren’t boasting about your garden, it’s just we’re lucky to have gardens, I’ve lived outside in the garden but we are the fortunate ones, I can’t imagine being stuck like this in a place with no garden.

It takes a lot to come on mumsnet to apologies, massive respect for that.

If your struggling there is a thread for shielders in chat, very friendly, come and join us for support.

@bigchris you can shield and still work you know. DH has bern doing just that. Ge is lucky.

You are a real hero - I am a self indulgent whinger (at the very least),

I can’t agree with you @cornish009, I’m no hero and I do lots of self indulgent whinging too.

Obviously your personal circumstances may be very different but is your DH physically housebound?

@cornish009 did you know there is a Tesco number you can ring to get priority slots if you haven't already?

I think the general population assume the shielded are being contacted by all the supermarkets all falling over themselves to help the shielded. Unfortunately, we've had to do the contacting. Only Tesco have given us priority slots. DJ emailed Ocado who said "sorry no". No idea why! 🤷🏻‍♀️

DJ???? Dh!!!!

Why do you care what people think of when you say “shielding”?

I am feeling so dreadful that my words were not explaining my feelings well enough, and of course take complete responsibility for that. I see I have come across as a self indulgent and self centred individual (with a big garden) who is criticising the decisions of others. I did not mean that. I respect and indeed am a little in awe of those in the shielded group who are brave enough to venture outside. I have nothing for admiration for you. However, what I meant was the actual word shielding and how others now state we can go out/visit the supermarket/errands. Therefore it is harder to get deliveries. But I realise now I must accept that as a side effect of the choice we have made.

DH would have gone mad without his gardens, God knows how those in flats have coped?

I understand what you meant OP. I was shielding for four weeks, before some of the criteria changed, and my MH was really suffering. Just going out for a walk most days was enough to sort me out, so I understand making the distinction between those strictly shielding and those not doing so. And why that matters to some people.

But I have actually been very impressed at the shielding programme where I live (NE Scotland) and I am sorry if that’s not been available to you.

Thank you for your lovely words. Your post has done what I had intended my OP to do by making me feel supported. I cannot thank you enough. I am so glad you have had help and support, not so here - though we did ask for help in obtaining one prescription a month or so back. Apart from that we have had no practical help or food parcels - even the GP took 12 weeks to call and talk to my husband - but then again I have not needed help as I have always managed to get supermarket deliveries at some point, and if we run out of something then we simply do without. Although I am a little nervous that most delivery drivers now think shielding is over and are back to their usual routine, but all have been kind when I have asked them if they could leave it on the doorstep. Thank you again, so very much.

You can get signs you can print off saying it’s a high risk household, I’ve found delivery drivers much more understanding now.

I had to call Tesco to get delivery slots, it only took a few minutes though, it’s worth a go.

I’m currently meant to be outside repotting a plant my silly big oaf of a dog knocked over yesterday but I’m distracted by Prosecco.

@cornish009 Were you aware of the guidance on shielding being relaxed a couple of weeks ago? Did you and DH consider going out now that it is officially considered ok for shielded people. Is there anywhere nearby you could venture for a walk at a quiet time?
It could really help mentally to take some baby steps back to normality.
I do empathise. I am extremely vulnerable and got the shielding letter but I have been walking around fields as I live in countryside. Since the rules relaxed I had a friend visit and sit in the garden. It was lovely.
Other than that I have only been out to medical appointments that can't be done by phone.

I think they will tell us to end shielding by August.

DS was in the shielding group and managed 3 weeks indoors before we came to the conclusion that he needed to go out for a walk at least 3 times a week.

His mental health was suffering, we balanced the risk of mental health against catching Covid on a walk where he wouldn’t come into contact with anyone. We also have a dog so everyone else in the household was going out to walk her (as per guidelines only DS needed to shield) and we all felt it was saving our sanity. DS was still in the shielding group even though he was going out for the occasional walk and we were going out too.

I get where you are coming from OP. We're the same as you and the whole household is shielding because I'm on the extremely vulnerable list and had the letter within a couple of days from the start of lockdown.
Like you I don't judge others for the decisions that they make but my consultant-led team advised me that our whole household should shield and they haven't changed that position.
The total lack of communication from the government though on the shielded really does mean that we're dropping off the radar. I had someone at work ask me how I felt about restrictions being lifted and they were astonished when I explained that it doesn't make any difference to me lol.
We are extremely lucky that we can work from home and are getting deliveries etc but I do worry that the term is being used so broadly that it will become meaningless and lead to a lack of understanding and compassion for people like me and the OP.
And yes, I probably won't be able to rejoin society in any significant way until there is a vaccine. There really are lots of people in that situation where it literally is a matter of life and death.

You don’t know everyone’s personal circumstances DH had to venture into a shop yesterday though really didn’t want to does that mean in your opinion he’s not shielding anymore?

No, you are right, SauvignonBlanche. I do totally repect and admire other people's situations, especially for people like your DH who have had to risk his health by doing something he has been uncomfortable doing. I have realised now that I am using the word shielding incorrectly as so many other people cannot possibly be wrong. I will maybe get along better if I no longer mention the shielded group and maybe just say "we are staying at home". I wish you and your husband well during these crazy times.

To begin with people who were shielded were advised to stay home.

However, the recent shielded letter states shielded people can now go out for exercise as long as they keep 2m social distance.

Shielding was advice given by the government, not an order. Those who received the letters were advised to stay indoors. But ultimately it’s their choice what they do. You have chosen to stay locked inside for 14 weeks, others haven’t.

You can go shopping if you wish. You’re not going to be arrested for going to Tescos because you have a shielding letter. But if you choose not to go shopping, that’s fine.

So AIBU to think that if you have been out of the house, for any reason, then you are not completely shielding?

This advice has now changed.

It's not a competition to see who can be the most miserable.