About shielding..

[cornish009]

My husband received THE letter back in March and the household have all shielded with him since then. This means none of us have been out of the house or garden (thankfully a big one) for any reason at all for about 13/14 weeks now. All food obtained is via getting deliveries, often staying up all night to get a slot, and all medicines delivered too. No one has been into our house either in that time. It's been so hard emotionally, as we miss our other children/grandchildren desperately but we have stuck to the rules 100% simply to save my husand's life.

I totally believe that everyone should do what they need to do during this time. Every family is different and every health issue is different. There is no right and wrong. And I have no right to criticise anyone else's decisions.

However, time and time again I read on here from someone who is "shielding", who then say they just go to the supermarket or out for exercise or to meet someone, even if that is socially distanced. I don't mean they are wrong to do that, not at all, but I personally don't call that shielding.

I ask because now if I use the word "shielding" to others, they assume it's being a bit careful, and going outside at quiet times, when to us shielding is not yet going out at all. I have found over the weeks that more and more people don't qute understand that we are at home all the time, and have to stay there, and no we can't go to Tescos at 8am. No the children in our household can't go back to school because we are shielding and it would not be safe for them to come back into the safe haven we have created. Others think of us as very weird for doing what we do but as I say I consider it life and death.

So AIBU to think that if you have been out of the house, for any reason, then you are not completely shielding? You can do that, of course you can, but please don't say you are shielding if you go outside sometimes. Or am I the only one who feels this way?

ps and yes perfectly aware at some point we will need to re-join society, but that time is not yet.

[Redcherries]

Ahhh bless laithwaites and virgin wine delivery. Kept me sane!

[BeyondDreamsOfBeyondFourWalls]

Come on over to the shielding thread OP

FWIW I've done your version of shielding too - yes I know we're "allowed" out now but the entire of my housing estate don't seem to have received the social distancing memo! And I'm a wheelchair user anyway, so no exercise benefit, while the DCs do have a garden for fresh air. The DCs have (only in the last few weeks) travelled between my shielding household and my parents also shielding household, but apart from that none of us have crossed the threshold.

[cornish009]

FWIW I'm shielding in a one bed flat. It's easy to stay in when in for you includes a massive garden.

That must be so very difficult. I had wrongly used the fact we have a garden as an illustration of how lucky we are. I am sure in your situation I would make the same decision as you with the park. Enjoy the lovely weather if you go out today.

[cornish009]

Are there more than two of you?

Yes. There are six of us, but I buy shopping for elderly MIL too (so seven)

[theendoftheworldasweknowit]

@cornish009 The Government has changed the goal posts so many times. Take confusion and ignorance, throw in boredom and a bit of wishful thinking, and it's no wonder that everyone has their own idea of how they should behave. Even if the Government was crystal clear on what they thought we should do, how many people would trust them with their lives enough to listen?

There are lots of people who are carefully shielding (like you) because they won't want to catch Covid-19. They are vulnerable to catching Covid-19 and dying (or someone in their household is).

Hardcore shielding is being phased out with things like daily exercise because hospitals have more capacity to treat people with Covid-19. It has not suddenly got safer for people with underlying medical conditions, it's just they are more likely to get a bed. A lot of people can't see how that isn't particularly reassuring, because their own level of risk is much lower. If you have an underlying medical condition, it's not the bed that's important to you, it's your survival rate. Until it's a lot closer to 100%, many people who were shielding based on old guidance, are likely to stick to that old guidance.

I don't fall on that list of vulnerable people, but as someone with other underlying medical conditions who happens to be BAME, I'm terrified enough to be staying indoors all the time. I'm not shielding, because as far as I'm concerned (yes, I have my own interpretation too!) you need to be on that list or live with someone on that list to be "shielding." I would describe my actions as simply "hiding."

So whilst I'm not a shielder, I can relate to many of your struggles.

[Iverunoutofnames]

DH is shielding and has not left the house. I go shopping and DC go for walks but nowhere else.

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

FWIW I've done your version of shielding too - yes I know we're "allowed" out now but the entire of my housing estate don't seem to have received the social distancing memo

This is where I'm at right now. It's fine for people to dismiss it with a " you are allowed out now" but the new guidelines say you need to adhere to 2m SD which relies on other people adhering to it too. I've been out twice since we were allowed to and it was impossible. The pavements were just too busy.

Op, I feel the same as you. Some people have clearly decided that they want to make their own decisions which is fine but it's starting to feel like anyone who is abiding by the guidelines is viewed as an attention seeking drama llama by those who have a more relaxed approach.

We are no more wrong in our approach than they are. I've got a family that I want to stay around for. I don't want to take unnecessary risks just to try and prove how laid back I am.

[cornish009]

Should they pat you on the back that you are all shielding when the letter says just the individual needs to shield. Well done for being extra cautious and brilliant and I don't blame the vulnerable. I am actually extremely vulnerable but choose not to wear the badge and shield. I also don't care if other people who shield are going out being careful. We all make our own risk assessments but stop being the martyr looking for praise for shielding the most/best/longest etc and suffering more than anyone else.

Thank you for putting me straight. I can see you are correct in your interpretation, even although I did not think I intended to be a martyr, perhaps I did unconsciously. That makes me incredibly selfish so I think this should be a very welcome wake up call.

[Cattermole]

@Cornish009 if you are in the same part of the world as your username suggests, I am in the same part of the world, and I'd be more than happy to pick up any bits and pieces that you need if you're anywhere near me.

[cornish009]

cornish009 I'm impressed 2 people can hit 85 items

I get shopping for 7 of us, plus assorted animals, so I do find it difficult especially as larger sizes tend to be out of stock. However I am learning all the time and finding it easier now Tesco went from 80 to 85 items

[CaffiSaliMali]

People who are shielding have always been ok to leave the house for medical care. My Aunt is shielding due to chemo but leaves the house to have the chemo as it can't be done at home. I don't think that means she isn't shielding properly, she can't skip chemo unfortunately and needs blood tests, CT scans etc. between sessions which also necessitates a trip to hospital. Aside from that she's at home - all food delivered etc.

The whole terminology around Covid-19 does get muddled generally though. I've seen people call shielding self-isolating and vice versa for example. The difference between the clinically vulnerable group (advised to be stringent about social distancing) and the extremely clinically vulnerable group (advised to shield) causes confusion too. So many people think if you're not shielding you're not any more vulnerable than average, but you can be more vulnerable than average but not enough to need to shield. Also some people seem to think everyone shielding is elderly, or terminally ill.

OP - you mention having difficulties getting a supermarket delivery. Have you registered yourself as extremely vulnerable to Covid on gov.uk? You get priority then. My Aunt registered online and ticked the 'need help with food' box. She then got food parcels she didn't need, as well as priority delivery slots so she rang the local authority who were able to remove her from food parcels, but not from priority delivery slots. It's helped her a lot.

I find Tesco usually have slots a few weeks away if you go online around 7-8am to check. Morrison's boxes are excellent - they have a great range now inc. Vegan and gluten free options. Handy to tide you over if you have a long wait for a delivery.

[guessmyusername]

My dh is shielding and got that letter, but it doesn't stop me from going out to the supermarket. I am careful though and wash my hands, use hand sanitiser etc. unlike my neigbours who think they can have a party everyday in their garden

[theendoftheworldasweknowit]

@cornish009 I don't think you're being a martyr.

People have different attitudes when it comes to risk.

I think you're in a very difficult situation, and you're doing your best, because you love your husband and you want to know you did everything possible to keep him safe. It's not unreasonable to feel frustrated, particularly when other people imply your sacrifices aren't necessary.

The thing is, you'll never know if you've done too much. You'll never know whether doing something differently would have resulted in him catching Covid-19, and whether his body would have coped or not. All you can know is that you have interpreted the guidelines in one way, and you have followed them to the letter of your interpretation.

You've done you, the best way you possibly can.

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

OP - you mention having difficulties getting a supermarket delivery. Have you registered yourself as extremely vulnerable to Covid on gov.uk? You get priority then.

This isn't true, sadly. I'm shielding, on the government list, registered myself too but unable to get priority slots because there just weren't any.

When my council phoned me to do a welfare check they also registered me - still none available. I declined the free food boxes because we just didn't need them.

It's only in about the last three weeks that I've managed to get a delivery slot. I'm assuming like everything, it very much depends on local availability and demand.

[picklemewalnuts]

I think you've had a rough ride on here! I agree with your interpretation to be honest. I describe myself as 'being very careful' because I haven't had a shielding letter but am in that group of people with a few vulnerabilities.

A friend whose husband is very vulnerable are shielding as you are- very strictly.

The government guidance was addressed to the shielding group saying they can relax a bit in my opinion signalled an end to shielding. People who have relaxed their behaviour are no longer shielding. Which is fine, for most of them. Some people still need to shield strictly, and only they know who they are!

You'll be fine on the shielding chat thread, OP. Don't let this put you off. People are more accepting usually in running threads than when you make your own post.

Have a and hide this thread. You'll feel better!

[midgebabe]

It is not shielding if the unshielded person goes out and about and then carries on as normal in the home, because that one person is a potential carrier and in home transmission is one of the most common

Either the whole family shield, which is kind, or the shielded person is always physically separated from everyone else ( own loo , single bed ) which must be grim or just impossible for many people /houses

Many shielded people have also been told that shielding is advised but it's up to them...particularly people who may have little life left anyway and may not want to spend last few months living like that

[cornish009]

Are you getting the support you need? It sounds like things are tough and you need someone to talk to

Thank you Jingstohang for hitting the nail on the head. It's a bit difficult and wish I did have someone to talk to, yes. Your post made much sense to me, it helped!

[cornish009]

Is it you or your DH that is most anxious about leaving the house?

It's 100% me. Thanks for the advice SauvignonBlanche8 in the rest of your post - noted!

[cornish009]

A lovely post theendoftheworldasweknowit - thank you!!

[cornish009]

Thank you for all the invites to the shielding thread. I will take a look!

[Jingstohang]

It has not suddenly got safer for people with underlying medical conditions, it's just they are more likely to get a bed.

Community transmission is also lower now. It wont affect us any less, but the chance of us catching it is also lower.

cornish009 sorry I forgot you have kids!

[SleepingStandingUp]

Op why are you struggling to get a slot? Have you called tesco and told them you're shielding? You get access to priority slots so normally available a week ahead but little issue getting one at any time of the day. So you could easily book 1 for say next Sunday and one for the Monday too to get over the item limit (that's what the driver told us to do re limits on buying baby milk

[tobee]

@cornish009 yes the 85 item limit is a pain! I'm constantly having to juggle things about!

[Jingstohang]

Speak to your GP cornish, they can help with things like counselling and finding someone to talk to. Up here we have Breathing Space which sounds ideal for you - it's just to give you someone to talk to. Not sure what the English equivalent is.

[2old4thissite]

Hi Cornish009.
Just popped on to send best wishes. I am appalled by the abuse you have had on here.
Autumnmum and FromMarch2020 should in particular be ashamed of themselves.
OP is struggling-as are many others too - and your posts were just plain spiteful and uncalled for.
OP- stop apologising!!
What for anyway? I thought your post was perfectly reasonable in tone (others have corrected some details but still)