Girlfriend doesn't want to come for tea?

[outlook10101]

We've been together a year and are 24.
My sister is coming down with her boyfriend to see us tomorrow for fathers day and some food.
My mum asked girlfriend a few days ago if she wants to come around and she was all 'ermmming' and 'arrrring' and maybeing.

Then today my dad asked her if she was coming around and she turned to me and laughed and said she didn't know she was invited. My dad and me did then say we did invite her. My mum then came down as I asked my mum if she has invited her and my mum said yeah and my girlfriend was like maybe i'll let you know early tomorrow.

In the car, she then said she hopes I dont mind but she'll see me Monday and that she thinks too many people might be in the house at once. I then said not to use that as an excuse and how dare she say she wasn't invited.
She then went moody and said she doesn't get why I'm snapping at her and that she genuinely forgot about being asked.

Anyway she just messaged now saying sorry and that if it means a lot to her she will come but I get the feeling she doesnt like my sister as she always avoids coming when my sister is there.

Sorry OP, if I was her there'd be no going back from this. You ignored her hints that she didn't want to come (but was trying to be polite about it), and then you threw her under the bus in front of your parents by calling her a liar, presumably to try and force her into being embarrassed and agreeing to come after all. Not good behaviour from you OP. Really not good.

I think the rules as they stand are that people aren't supposed to mingle with other families indoors IDK, in which case she's completely right.

A lot of people aren't very assertive and find it hard to say no when they want to.

And you shouldn't have put her on the spot/slagged her off in front of your parents.

Are you going to acknowledge all the comments about how you are breaking the lockdown rules?

You sound really unkind by the way. She obviously felt very awkward. Who knows if she is cared of breaking the lockdown rules, or feels intimidated by your family. Either way, it was an awkward attempt to deflect the conversion rather than a devious lie. You should be able to have more empathy for your own girlfriend.

Literally saying someone is 'a liar' is a very charged statement, best avoided unless you want a confrontation, argument, or them never to see you again.

You lot must be bunch of thickos to get together in a house at the moment.

I hope she dumps you! You've called her out in front of other people, made it clear that you care more about them than her.

You're supposed to have your partner's back and protect them from people nagging at them, not join in. She tried to avoid answering, and explain she didn't want to come, in several different ways. You insisted she answer. You made this happen.

Everybody: "You are wrong and your reasons are bollocks"
OP: "No I'm not, and let me repeat for the nth time why not"

Just drop it with the poor girl, fgs. If you don't like the way she dealt with an invitation she didn't want to accept, if you think she 'lies', then break up with her.

Maybe she didn't realize that it was an official invitation/wasn't sure if she was really welcome to visit on father's Day. Maybe you invited her, then asked the rest of your family in front of them, putting everyone on the spot. Maybe she is uncomfortable around your sister because she feels that your sister dislikes her. Also, it is not uncommon to be both outgoing and shy/socially awkward. You can appear more vivacious due to overcompensating for nerves/being an introvert. Under the current circumstances, it's fine that she doesn't want to go. You do sound unreasonably angry, which is a tad worrying tbh.

@cornish we are allowed to meet in gardens and upto 6 people

You sound really childish, your family sound like hard work and your poor GF should run a mile.....

You and your girlfriend soumd more like a pair of primary school children than supposedly mature adults.

why are people still engaging with @outlook10101 ?

They are ignoring the fact that this gathering is not allowed under lockdown rules and presumably their parents are too.

@JorisBonson

You sound 14 not 24.

That was my impression. She doesn't want to go, her choice, end of story.

This all sounds incredibly weird. Why would you be so pushy about your girlfriend coming for tea? All this talk of excuses and lies?

She was right- she wasn't invited. She was summoned.

Is it some kind of state event? Is your sister Cersei Lannister? Are you Joffrey Lannister? Maybe the girlfriend is Sansa Stark?

Explains why she's not expected to see her own father for tea then.

@strugglingwithdeciding Yes, but the OP said his/ her girlfriend was refusing owing to too many people in the house.

If I was invited to an indoor do involving three households tomorrow I’d say ‘ No thank you, it sounds lovely but I’m going to continue observing lockdown guidelines for now’. But I’m more than double your gfs age and have learnt to be assertive. I would probably have been in a similar mess when I was 24.

She was put in a very awkward situation, first by being asked to a do she clearly doesn’t want to attend. Then when she tried to get out of making a firm commitment to it she was put on the spot and grilled by her partner and his/her parents. That must have been excruciatingly embarrassing.

Also if it was purely over lockdown then wouldnt she be breaking the rules by being there even with just op and parents , unless outside
Op but if she doesnt want to come thats fine ans maybe she felt to uncomfortable to say no outright
She shouldnt of lies but may of forgot
You just need to have a conversation

Yes, you ARE being unreasonable, and very rude to your girlfriend. She doesn't want to come and signalling that to you as politely as possible.

She doesn't want to come because

a) it's against the lockdown rules
b) she doesn't like your sister but has tried to be polite about it for the last year
c) she doesn't have to come to everything she is invited to - she can just not WANT to.

But you are quite astonishingly socially inept and far from taking her pretty broad hints, you actually cornered in front of other people and told her she was a liar.

Your main focus here should be apologising vigorously and asking how you can be a better partner.

Yes I did say she was lying in front of them and I probably shouldnt have but my parents were there when she was invited

Did you do it because you really didn't understand that she was trying to extricate herself from an event she didn't want to go to, or because you actively wanted to humiliate and punish her in front of your family?

Aren’t you going to acknowledge that we’re in lockdown and aren’t allowed in each other’s houses? That alone means you’re not going to get much sympathy*

Unless you are not in the UK then THIS!

Sorry OP, if I was her there'd be no going back from this. You ignored her hints that she didn't want to come (but was trying to be polite about it), and then you threw her under the bus in front of your parents by calling her a liar, presumably to try and force her into being embarrassed and agreeing to come after all. Not good behaviour from you OP. Really not good.

This, I'm afraid. She might have felt awkward about a Father's Day meal with your family, or she might not want to go anywhere without being able to ask some searching questions about your family's observation of social distancing rules first: you put her in a situation where those questions could not be asked and then accuse her of lying.

You don't sound very nice OP. Why would you try to bully an answer out of your GF? Her lying obviously isn't the best way to deal with things but you cornered her so what did you really expect?

Not to mention that if you are in the UK, you're breaking lockdown rules and she may just be quite uncomfortable with that. Who could blame her? You need to have a word with yourself.

Is the OP female?. I can't help but wonder if there's a reason she dislikes the sister... is sister rude/intolerant/makes her uncomfortable?

God you sound horrible and controlling! This is all way too intense, let her be!

What ever the girlfriend did, it is by no stretch of the imagination 'gaslighting'

Mumsnet rules: anyone says anything at all in any situation that may potentially be untrue = 'gaslighting'