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Original poster

Girlfriend doesn't want to come for tea?

255 replies

outlook10101 · 20/06/2020 13:49

We've been together a year and are 24.
My sister is coming down with her boyfriend to see us tomorrow for fathers day and some food.
My mum asked girlfriend a few days ago if she wants to come around and she was all 'ermmming' and 'arrrring' and maybeing.

Then today my dad asked her if she was coming around and she turned to me and laughed and said she didn't know she was invited. My dad and me did then say we did invite her. My mum then came down as I asked my mum if she has invited her and my mum said yeah and my girlfriend was like maybe i'll let you know early tomorrow.

In the car, she then said she hopes I dont mind but she'll see me Monday and that she thinks too many people might be in the house at once. I then said not to use that as an excuse and how dare she say she wasn't invited.
She then went moody and said she doesn't get why I'm snapping at her and that she genuinely forgot about being asked.

Anyway she just messaged now saying sorry and that if it means a lot to her she will come but I get the feeling she doesnt like my sister as she always avoids coming when my sister is there.

OP posts:
CathyComesHome · 20/06/2020 15:55

Sorry should be ? on the end.

midsomermurderess · 20/06/2020 15:57

What ever the girlfriend did, it is by no stretch of the imagination 'gaslighting'. And neither does it matter what sex the OP is. They are Intense and overbearing in any event.

SeasonFinale · 20/06/2020 15:57

Wow so as well as berating her you got yiur Dad too as well! No wonder she doesn't want to come!

ImInYourMindFuzz · 20/06/2020 15:58

@outlook10101

But she shouldnt have lied!! After she laughed and turned to me and said she didnt know she was invited, even my dad stuck up for me and said we did invite her, And she went all quiet and taken aback so clearly knew she got caught out
Or, framed another way since she said he genuinely forgot, perhaps her stunned silence was embarrassment for forgetting. Her maybe was obviously because she was trying to not offend your parents or start a conversation about coronavirus guidelines. She said no in the car away from your parents where she obviously felt more comfortable and you lambasted her.

Why are you so adamant she lied? Are you like this with other aspects of your relationship? If she is only awkward around your sister I would say your sister had said something nasty or inappropriate to her so she feels uncomfortable in her presence.

whichteaareyou · 20/06/2020 15:58

God you're so fixated on her "lying" maybe she felt awkward saying she didn't want to come in front of your dad. You and your dad sound like bullies tbh

Aneley · 20/06/2020 16:00

Wow, if at that age BF was making this much fuss about me not wanting to attend Father's day with HIS family after only 12m of seeing each other and was putting me on the spot like you did her with your parents - he would have been an EX BF faster than he'd be able to say 'tea'.

Snaketime · 20/06/2020 16:00

She didnt necessarily lie, my DH can be part of a conversation and then forget it ever happened. She genuinely could have forgotten. Plus with Lockdown you arent supposed to be going to other peoples houses at all let alone such a big group.
Why are you being so horrible OP?

Prayerwheel · 20/06/2020 16:01

Wow, if at that age BF was making this much fuss about me not wanting to attend Father's day with HIS family after only 12m of seeing each other and was putting me on the spot like you did her with your parents - he would have been an EX BF faster than he'd be able to say 'tea'.

Indeed.

ThisIsGonnaHurt · 20/06/2020 16:02

She probably didnt want to offend your family by saying they shouldn't be breaking lockdown rules!!

MashedSpud · 20/06/2020 16:03

You are fixated on the “lying” thing which is more likely that she didn’t want to offend by saying no.

You’ve avoided everyone’s questions and you sound like a 15 year old brat and a bully.

Stop being a controlling arsehole and communicate with her once you’ve loosened the apron strings.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 20/06/2020 16:03

All the language you use "lying", "caught out" etc when it's clear she felt awkward saying no in front of everyone and was trying to be polite.

I also think she sounds scared of you and I can understand why. You sound like a controlling bully. Pushing her and pushing her, trying to force her to do what you want. No means no in any context. You sound like a "a coerced yes is still a yes" person.

How dare she use that as an excuse makes you sound like her stern grandmother, not her girlfriend.

I hope she runs for the hills and never lools back.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 20/06/2020 16:07

Every post you make just makes you sound worse. You sound rude, angry, unpleasant, entitled and disrespectful towards your girlfriend. You can't even be bothered to type "my girlfriend", you just refer to her as girlfriend which comes across as rude.

She doesn't have to come to your house (which she shouldn't be doing anyway as you well know), she doesn't have to put up with you and your father ganging up on her and she doesn't have to be your girlfriend. I hope she realises this.

Be honest, you just hoped everybody on here would agree with you and your boorish attitude so you could show her the thread and say, " Look, all these women agree with me" and bully her some more, didn't you?

Well you got the wrong website. Twats R Us is that way. 👉

theendoftheworldasweknowit · 20/06/2020 16:08

It sounds like she doesn't know how to say no to you when she really wants to say no to you.

Rather than grill the poor girl over why she thought it was acceptable to not do what you wanted, I think you should take a good, long hard look at your behaviour and all the situations where you think she's agreed with you or consented to doing something, but maybe she didn't actually want to.

Father's Day is typically about your own father. If she has a father, she probably wants to spend time with him, or is sad that she can't, because she's respecting Covid-19 guidelines.

If she doesn't have a father, or doesn't get on with him, she probably doesn't want to have that thrown in her face all day.

Maybe she likes your sister. Maybe she doesn't. She isn't in a relationship with your sister, so it doesn't really matter.

Brefugee · 20/06/2020 16:12

also, OP, did you accuse of her of lying while you were still with your parents?
Way to go

ImInYourMindFuzz · 20/06/2020 16:13

Actually I’ve changed my mind. She’s obviously lying and you should break up with her.
(You’d be doing her a massive favour and I genuinely feel sorry for her being in a relationship with you.)

Original poster
outlook10101 · 20/06/2020 16:14

Yes I did say she was lying in front of them and I probably shouldnt have but my parents were there when she was invited

OP posts:
Smurf123 · 20/06/2020 16:14

But did u invite her? Or just your mum? Because if you didn't actually talk about it with her maybe she though you didn't want her to come. Not sure why you would get your mum to invite your gf.
Plus it's lockdown so she's absolutely right there's too many people in the house.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 20/06/2020 16:16

Stop bullying and belittling your girlfriend. It's cruel.

Incrediblytired · 20/06/2020 16:17

The moment you were alone she told you she didn’t want to go. It’s clear she just didn’t want to say this in front of your parents. She panicked and now you are accusing her of all sorts.

Incrediblytired · 20/06/2020 16:18

There are actually 7 pages of people all telling you the same thing and still you won’t listen.

diddl · 20/06/2020 16:20

@Incrediblytired

There are actually 7 pages of people all telling you the same thing and still you won’t listen.
Because people aren't saying what they want to hear I guess!
Samtsirch · 20/06/2020 16:23

So now you know OP.

forgetthehousework · 20/06/2020 16:25

Or maybe it was one of those "We're having a little party for everyone" invitations which for your family automatically means 'you're invited' but her family may always include the actual "and of course you're invited too" bit for the people they want to come.

If your parents are likely to react as badly as you I'm not really surprised she doesn't want to be there.

RB68 · 20/06/2020 16:25

Maybe she just didnt want to associate with all those new peple in the current environment. You didn't leave it so she could politely decline you put her back against the wall and made it difficult. You need to back off and give her the space she needs. I would never want to see you again after thats days shenanigans talk about bullying

kazzer2867 · 20/06/2020 16:27

And nobody is saying anything about that she lied about not being invited?

You don't seem to be addressing what she said about too many people, which seems to be the bigger issue to me. I'm not surprised she 'lied'. You, your dad and mother all asking her about a father's day meal. Sounds like a bit too much to me and remember, its your father not hers.

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