To call other women out on ignoring my presence?

[Bluehues]

Is it just me or does anyone else experience this when out and about with their OH? It happens to me a lot! Females he knows, or even ones I've been introduced to, will approach us and talk to him as if I am invisible. It really gets to me, it's so rude! Yesterday a women called to our house to drop something off to my DH he'd ordered from her DH's business. I've met her previously at a country fair type thing a few years ago where she attempted to be crazily over familiar with DH, which he rebuffed, but she didn't once acknowledge me even though I was stood right beside him. Fast forward to yesterday and she knocks, I answer, she asks me if DH "lives here?" I felt like saying yeah he rents a room off me. DH appears in the porch (by coincidence, we were on our way out) and so she again cuts me out and speaks to him as if they're alone. Then!.., 10mins later we bump into her on our walk, she comes over the road completely ignoring my presence yet again, coo's over our baby asking my DH all about "his" baby as if he's a single parent. I butted in a few times with normal conversation but I'm starting to think I should outright ask women like her if they can see me!? She's just one example of many. Please tell me I'm not the only one this happens to, and do you call them out on it, or let it slide?

Meant to say a little dull!

I know a woman who did this, she tried it on with my husband when he was out one night.

They've never had a thing of any kind together, DH only knows her because he knows her own DH

If it had happened to you once or twice, I'd assume you'd had the misfortune of meeting a couple of rude people.

But since you say that it happens to you as lot' I am sceptical.

People naturally chat to the person they know.

If it’s only happened 3 times in 6 years, unless you have a very limited social life, I imagine that it’s the issue is with these individuals not you. if you are often overlooked and ignored in conversations, then I would start looking at yourself, not in bad way, maybe you just need to work on assertiveness, or how you are coming across to others and see how you can fix it.

I get it, her body language is awful. I would do brief pleasantries and get DH to say 'we are in a rush blue aren't we' bye. Fuck that, cut her off

I’ve had this if we ever met some women he worked with.
I’d just feel sorry for them, they’re not in the sisterhood ;)

@squirrelsbizaar

If it’s only happened 3 times in 6 years, unless you have a very limited social life, I imagine that it’s the issue is with these individuals not you. if you are often overlooked and ignored in conversations, then I would start looking at yourself, not in bad way, maybe you just need to work on assertiveness, or how you are coming across to others and see how you can fix it.

This is a valid point. Although it's not happened that many times I did look at myself and think was I a wallflower or being sensitive, and asked my girlfriends about it, their opinion is that these women fancy DH and are being purposefully bitchy.

@SteelyPanther

I’ve had this if we ever met some women he worked with. I’d just feel sorry for them, they’re not in the sisterhood ;)

That's what upsets me about it, the lack of sisterhood, I can't even imagine doing this to someone else

I'd say it's up to your DH to call this out by saying "have you met my wife, Bluehues?"

He can also ask her to speak to you about whatever it is she wants to speak about

Didnt your husband introduce you?

My husband would have jumped in and said something like "have you met my wife before? Maybe not since we missed the Christmas party" and would have drawn me into the conversation himself if someone else was rudely ignoring me.

However we've had times when work colleagues of DH have come by and after a brief introduction it's clear they need/want to talk shop with DH. In that situation I would typically leave them to it!

That's what upsets me about it, the lack of sisterhood, I can't even imagine doing this to someone else

What's this notion of "sisterhood"?

You dont think women should only be friends with women, do you

Jesus could Alltheusernames be anymore obtuse and enjoy making up stories?

It's obvious what you mean op. As I've gotten older I do say things when someone is being rude.

I do think you’re being a little bit over sensitive, if this is not a common experience.
I had an ex partner that women would flirt with and be all but oblivious to me, but it never particularly bothered me, because that partner made me feel secure in the connection and I’m a fairly secure person. I certainly didn’t keep record and can barely remember them.
The women you are describing sounds like a bit of a loon and you’ve severed ties with the business, so why are you letting her bother you ?
Honestly, I would be looking deeper into the relationship and myself, if three interactions over a six year period, where still having an impact on me.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

That's what upsets me about it, the lack of sisterhood, I can't even imagine doing this to someone else

What's this notion of "sisterhood"?

You dont think women should only be friends with women, do you

Lol

@squirrelsbizaar honestly I've been penalised on here for "keeping tally" for "not keeping tally" for "being too sensitive" for "not being assertive enough" I could go on...
Latest incident happened just yesterday, which got me thinking, not out of insecurity, or wanting to make a mountain out of a molehill, just simple curiosity if other people experience this and if so, what they do about it, if anything

I have had this happen to me a few times too but dh always refers to me or brings me into the conversation. I think it is because he is super friendly whereas I am a lot more shy and can come off as standoffish. He is also much better at small talk than I am. I try not to let it get to me and would attempt to join in the conversation when dh refers to me.

No @AllTheUsermamesAreAlreadyTaken I put what you were telling me into words and asked you to explain it, which you haven't done, so I ask again, please explain how my DH and I including me in a conversation to someone who has stopped us on our walk to talk about our child, rude????? I genuinely interested, please bear in mind I did not talk over my husband or rudely butt in

I'll go back to my original point, if it's not a frequent occurrence and your other interactions with women are ok, then surely you can see that the problem lies with these individuals, so why are you letting their behaviour bother you.
I remember buying a car and the car salesmen approached my partner asking him what I was looking for, similar experiences walking into PC world, the problem lies with them individuals , not me, I'm not ruminating on it 6 years later and making generic statements about all men.
Rude behaviour pisses me off, but surely you've encountered rude behaviour outside of your relationship, have you kept a tally of that as well, why have these interactions bothered you so much?

@Bluehues

No *@AllTheUsermamesAreAlreadyTaken* I put what you were telling me into words and asked you to explain it, which you haven't done, so I ask again, please explain how my DH and I including me in a conversation to someone who has stopped us on our walk to talk about our child, rude????? I genuinely interested, please bear in mind I did not talk over my husband or rudely butt in

You know what? I’m wrong. I take it all back. You seem really friendly and approachable. I can’t imagine why she wouldn’t want to talk to you. Good luck 💓

It happens to me often, simply because my DH naturally has a body that men half his age spend hours in the gym every day trying to achieve and he is more than a foot taller than me.
He finds it odd and is always quick to make sure they know I’m his wife and cut the interaction short. It doesn’t bother me, I just find it a little embarrassing for the women and a little funny that he cannot fathom why it keeps happening.

@squirrelsbizaar I think you're over estimating how much it bothers me. The question was if other people have experienced this and if they do or say anything about it. I used my experience yesterday as an example and people on this thread have focused too much on the example and not this simple notion of me asking if and what people do when they encounter such rudeness

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken so you can't explain what you meant and so you're trying to make out that me asking you shows that I'm a difficult person... good one

I think you are being oversensitive OP.

Did your DH introduce you?

Did you introduce yourself?