To call other women out on ignoring my presence?

[Bluehues]

Is it just me or does anyone else experience this when out and about with their OH? It happens to me a lot! Females he knows, or even ones I've been introduced to, will approach us and talk to him as if I am invisible. It really gets to me, it's so rude! Yesterday a women called to our house to drop something off to my DH he'd ordered from her DH's business. I've met her previously at a country fair type thing a few years ago where she attempted to be crazily over familiar with DH, which he rebuffed, but she didn't once acknowledge me even though I was stood right beside him. Fast forward to yesterday and she knocks, I answer, she asks me if DH "lives here?" I felt like saying yeah he rents a room off me. DH appears in the porch (by coincidence, we were on our way out) and so she again cuts me out and speaks to him as if they're alone. Then!.., 10mins later we bump into her on our walk, she comes over the road completely ignoring my presence yet again, coo's over our baby asking my DH all about "his" baby as if he's a single parent. I butted in a few times with normal conversation but I'm starting to think I should outright ask women like her if they can see me!? She's just one example of many. Please tell me I'm not the only one this happens to, and do you call them out on it, or let it slide?

[quote Bluehues]@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken so you can't explain what you meant and so you're trying to make out that me asking you shows that I'm a difficult person... good one[/quote]
No. I just see how defensive you are (for example, squirrelsbizarre is being very tactful and you’re still giving her aggressive replies) and I’m not being pulled into arguing with a woman I don’t know over the internet. It doesn’t matter what I think. You’re not going to change your mind or think you’re being unreasonable (the point of the thread). So why bother?

Yeah it's rude and weird op.

Also, how do you know the conversation about the baby was excluding you?

In English the pronoun "your" is the same in the singular or plural.

Honestly you need a bloody disclaimer on the end of posts. I should of just wrote what do people do, if anything when they encounter rudeness.

I only got thinking about it because of what happened to me the following day. I used that as an example because I thought people might relate it, and some have, and have offered great advice.

Others have done nothing but challenge me on the details of my example, and even challenged me on my own feelings.

Madness, sorry I ruined your day with my post

@Tianalia

Yeah it's rude and weird op.

Thank you

@UntamedWisteria

Also, how do you know the conversation about the baby was excluding you?

In English the pronoun "your" is the same in the singular or plural.

Please read all of my comments, it was her body language

I really don't get some of the replies you've got OP. Nowhere have you said that you've taken this personally or to heart. Just that it's rude and IMO too it is.

I think this thread has finally broken me of Mumsnet - just recently came back and the sheer vitriol is much much worse than it used to be!!!

@itsmesoitis

I really don't get some of the replies you've got OP. Nowhere have you said that you've taken this personally or to heart. Just that it's rude and IMO too it is.

I think this thread has finally broken me of Mumsnet - just recently came back and the sheer vitriol is much much worse than it used to be!!!

This is my first ever post and I'm certainly done with it too

Okay yes I have experienced this to an extent.

I am not my partners usual type. All of his previous girlfriends have been lithe yoga types, and I’m tall, big boned and need to lose 2 stone. I’m not that sporty (although I enjoy cycling) and I eat nowhere near as healthily as he does. In contrast he’s fit, lifts weights, has never been fat, teaches yoga, and has self control when it comes to chocolate. I walked into his studio to meet him after his class when we first started dating and one of his students was blatantly flirting with him. Luckily for me he’s oblivious to that. I didn’t make it obvious I was his partner as he was at work, and the woman smiled at me as I walked in. Once he said hi to me and gave me a kiss her demeanour totally changed and since then every time I went to meet him she would completely ignore me even if he drew me into the conversation. A few times I attempted to join in but I gave up caring after a while. She blatantly fancies him, she’s known him for longer than I have and I think she was aware of his last girlfriend who was a yoga teacher at the same studio so maybe she thought she had a chance and doesn’t like that he’s with someone she thinks is beneath him!

At the end of the day though, he’s with me, he can be with whoever he chooses.

I would be glad to not engage with women like this, as they are ill mannered, and a bit of a nuisance.

This woman sounds rude and likely has the hots for your husband. You met her twice in one day in a short space of time. She came to your house, ignored you, then you saw her on a walk and she ignored you again. Does this woman own her business? If so, it’s a terrible way to treat a customer. She sounds like an arsehole. I wouldn’t buy from her again.

Never experienced this. Ever.

She asked if XXX lived there. She most likely didn't recognise you (since you only briefly met once). I'm useless with faces. Sounds like she was just checking she had the right house ?

I've encountered it a few times.
Not too bothered by it. I just assume that the problem is with them.
Dont let it wind you up.

When we were house hunting, we went to view a house which I’d loved online.

The homeowner showing us around was a woman and she kept her attention firmly on DP. Every time I’d ask a question she’d either answer my question to DP or giggle and look confused you at him and be all coy.

We didn’t buy the house because she pissed me off so much.

I had this happen from someone who worked at the same company as DH and I, only in a different department. She knew us both but completed cut me dead when we met at a mutual friend's party. I found it amusing in a cynical sort of way, DH thought it was rude and weird. It was clear that DH was higher up the company and I had only reached the heady heights of middle management so wasn't worth any attention.

She got fired for having sex in the middle of the customer service bullpen a couple of weeks later so that took care of that.

I actually had something like this happen to me the other day. My DP and I were out doing our weekly food shop and when got to the the counter the woman who worked there would only address my DP, she also told him how much it cost even though I was the one who was paying. I found it really odd. That is the first time something like that has happened to me though, it's not a regular thing or anything.

I have had this happen to me too but I see it as a DH problem. He doesn't introduce me and just has a conversation like I am not there whereas the situation the other way around I would introduce - out of politeness.

It has annoyed me on more than one occasion

I've read the first and last pages of this thread (so far) and can already see that the "cool wives" are out in force

OP, YANBU at all, it's really not normal for another woman to come to your home and ask if your DH lives there as if you're a maid or similar.

Agree that the woman sounds strange asking does your DH live there . I know that her DH and your DH have some sort of business connection but she sounds very rude.

I've never had it where a woman that DP knows has blatantly ignored me like that. But there used to be a mum at school who everytime DP and I walked past her on the school run she would try catching his eye. The first couple of times I was heavily pregnant with DD but she didn't seem phased. The last I heard she'd been caught having an affair with one of the dads and then she disappeared.

If it makes you feel any better

Once I invited an acquaintance of mine over. DH came to eat lunch with us. And she would speak to him the whole time and ignore me trying to engage in conversation.

This happened more than once with multiple people.

I left the room and left them to it.

HavelockVetinari I'm not sur this is a "cool wives" issue at all. It's not her DH who ignores her and flirts with other women, or goes out with other women and expects her to be chilled about it. It's someone who knows her DH but not her talking directly to him rather than making an effort to include her. It's more a what's socially normal/ lack of self awareness/ perhaps lack of gracious social skills issue.

There are women who style themselves as getting on better with men and deliberately focus on any men in any mixed group, ignoring the women, because they think omen don't like them (they usually ignore the chicken and egg dimension of the phenominon). The woman who annoyed the OP might be one of those rather than a bit awkward or self involved.

It's not about cool wives though because the DH isn't accused of encouraging this attention or enjoying it - he says he finds it weird and would like to stop using the woman's husband's company because of it...

I've definitely noticed this before OP. It's happened to me sometimes and I've seen it happening to other people. I've thought it was a complete mix of men and women doing the blanking the other party. In my experience it hasn't been women who are mostly doing this. I put it down to flirting (if clearly applicable) or being downright rude and having bad manners.

It's lost on me why people don't realise it's rude. If I see someone I know with their partner (who I don't know) I go up and say hello and immediately introduce myself to the person they're with, to make it clear I'm being friendly and not rude. If the conversation is primarily with the person I know, I make sure to also keep looking towards the other person too, so I don't look like I'm blocking them out of the conversation. I suppose I've had it done to me and found it so rude I try and make sure other people don't feel like they're being blanked.

What's with all the vicious responses on here? OP, this has happened to me more than once. It is rude and it's a total power move as if to say "I'm really not interested in you, the little woman. I'm only here to talk to him." What's wrong with knocking on your door and introducing yourself before you ask to speak to someone? You do know that the person answering the door isn't the maid, it's just bad manners.

I can only imagine that all these posters haven't experienced it so they don't understand it, it's a classic pass/agg move. Or the posters want to be supportive to other women so it's easier to say you're jealous or over reacting.

I hear you, and I agree it's rude.

Yes, im the world's biggest woman's woman but this stuff happens. Not sure why some posters want to insist day is night!

Passive aggressive behavior is unfortunately a symptom of the patriarchy. Competitive women who need validation but were raised to be 'nice' fall in to this trap. And we can all be vulnerable to feeling the scarcity mindset. But there will always be another opportunity, job, date, interview, night out.

2 women have behaved in this crappy way to me. Both intelligent women too. One has a phd and yet she still acts like i might take some resource away from her.

To willfully deny this happens is like advertising that you have so much social capital that nobody ever does this to you.

@WinnieWonder well, or so little.