To call other women out on ignoring my presence?

[Bluehues]

Is it just me or does anyone else experience this when out and about with their OH? It happens to me a lot! Females he knows, or even ones I've been introduced to, will approach us and talk to him as if I am invisible. It really gets to me, it's so rude! Yesterday a women called to our house to drop something off to my DH he'd ordered from her DH's business. I've met her previously at a country fair type thing a few years ago where she attempted to be crazily over familiar with DH, which he rebuffed, but she didn't once acknowledge me even though I was stood right beside him. Fast forward to yesterday and she knocks, I answer, she asks me if DH "lives here?" I felt like saying yeah he rents a room off me. DH appears in the porch (by coincidence, we were on our way out) and so she again cuts me out and speaks to him as if they're alone. Then!.., 10mins later we bump into her on our walk, she comes over the road completely ignoring my presence yet again, coo's over our baby asking my DH all about "his" baby as if he's a single parent. I butted in a few times with normal conversation but I'm starting to think I should outright ask women like her if they can see me!? She's just one example of many. Please tell me I'm not the only one this happens to, and do you call them out on it, or let it slide?

@Pelleas myself AND DH are BOTH the customers, it's food for us to eat, so she could just as easily butter me up, or even just be polite to me in hope of repeat business

If it happens with just her, then clearly she's just a bit odd.

But if it's with multiple people, then the 'issue' is you.

the problem is your assertiveness - not other women. You are perfectly capable of holding your own and chose not to for some reason.

No never. How strange... perhaps it's just her?

@Fallsballs

the problem is your assertiveness - not other women. You are perfectly capable of holding your own and chose not to for some reason.

I'm not above thinking the problem isn't me, which is why I posted. Explain to me what I'm doing wrong, I look them in the face, I smile, I say hello, I add to the conversation, but no eye contact from them, no reply to any of my comments. What would you do, that I'm not doing? I'm genuinely interested

Is he really good looking?

I’ve never experienced this, but it sounds annoying. If you think you would gain something by challenging these women you could try it, but I expect it would just lead to you getting strange looks.

Just for future reference, it’s pretty derogatory to call women ‘females’.

Yes, once. Oh God how we ripped the piss out of her. Silly woman. You just have to laugh at how pathetic they are

Never happened to me. Perhaps if you made some farting noises it would mark your presence. Just a suggestion.

Well I wouldn’t assume she was ignoring me for starters - I would assume she had poor manners and I’d be quite direct. I wouldn’t be offended, just curious as to why she thinks your husband is a separate entity from you. Does he give off that vibe ? The lack of eye contact from them is odd.

I am terrible at faces, so would always have to ask. I walked past my DD's boyfriend, I did respond to his hello, but it was only when I got to my DD's and she told me he'd gone to the shop, I realised who he was.

I'd avoid speaking to someone who called women 'females' and given that your default was sarcastic, to what could have been a mistake, I'm wondering have you said something to piss her off previously and she's given up trying to talk to you.

Never happened to me either. Nor do I know anyone who routinely calls other women 'females'.

God, fucking females eh what are they like

Maybe you just come across as unfriendly - certainly getting that vibe off you here

Are they all contacts of your husbands who snub you?

I experienced this - the husband (at the time) was spreading untrue rumours about me for sympathy. That's why they avoided me. Some didnt like me, others it was just awkward I guess. Some men do this. It's apparently a "thing", to isolate the wife and gain sympathy and admiration for being such a top bloke.

What's your relationship with your husband like?

I think this does happen. I've noticed it too, with my husband and also my ex. People we spoke to would "engross him and slight myself" (a bastardised quote from Jane Austen but puts it quite well). It's mainly women who do it but also sometimes men.

I've puzzled out various reasons over the years:
I probably have undiagnosed HF ASD (or son has it and it would explain a lot). I am good at masking but probably do miss some social cues and find "small talk" quite tedious.

I'm naturally an introvert so maybe don't think I don't want to be sociable. (My ex is particular was a raging extrovert so was probably a million times easier to start a conversation with).

I wouldn't say I'm a beauty but I'm nice looking and (can't think of another easy way to put this) quite sexy looking - I like very fitted clothes and a fair bit of slap. I think women might think I'm "after" their husbands (I'm not).

I suffer from resting bitch face unless I remember to actively fix my face in a smile. People I've later made friends with have said they didn't like me when we first met as I looked like a right bitch/ gave them dirty looks/ obviously didn't like them (this is mortifying I'm actually very nice!)

Meanwhile my husband comes across as sunny, natural and friendly. I must seem like "hard work" in comparison.

Could any of this be true for you?

Don't you naturally talk to someone that you know rather than their partner unless the friend introduces partner etc. You sound a bit overly paranoid

If it’s the same women you keep bumping in multiple times a day and now she’s coming to your house I’d be thinking she’s a crazy stalker or he has shagged her in the past and she is shitting him up.

Maybe they fancy him?

I’ve had that in the past with boyfriends, but it’s usually men ignoring ‘the girlfriend’, which I find irritating.

This has happenEd to me a few times:

In restaurants with a handsome coworker when I was younger. It was insane! To the point of the waitress only looking at him while taking my order, asking him the questions about my order. He obviously noticed it also and it made him uncomfortable. I think they had decided he was the one to impress for a good tip? (We are in US). We used to laugh about it.

I’ve had men do it to me in meetings where I was obviously the one with the info to provide. After I finished explaining something they asked another man the follow-up questions. Man had to tell them to ask me.

Lastly, embarking and disembarking airplanes. I’ve seen female flight attendants greet or thank every male business traveller In front of me then just blank me completely. While I’m standing there, making eye-contact, saying “Hello.” Or whatever. It made me wonder what it was about me that I didn’t deserve the same recognition. It sounds so petty but it happened so so many times. I’d think I was just paranoid but a friend who is a flight attendant concurred this can happen because historically their training was all about making the male business traveller happy.

Honestly, I’d just ignore it in most cases but when she did this over your baby I would have curtly taken the stroller and walked on. “Tell that lady goodbye. We need to get moving now, Honey.” Eff her.

I hate it when people do this but I think it’s in large part the person's responsibility who is the mutual connection to clearly and explicitly bring you into the conversation - so in this case, your DH. It happened to me the other day when I was on a walk with a friend and we bumped into two people and they chatted while completely ignoring me. My friend should have said within the first minute “By the way, don’t think you know notalwaysalondoner, she’s a friend from school” - and that way you are part of the conversation. I think a lot of people either forget that it feels shitty to be ignored, or are uncomfortable and not sure how to bring the third person into the conversation.

Of course the other party if they had good manners would make eye contact with you and say “I don’t think we’ve met” or “how do you know DH?” to bring you in, but I think the ultimate responsibility lies with the mutual connection (your DH) as he’s the one who can make the introduction.

If she knows you both already then it’s just plain rude.

Do you find his male friends pay you more attention? I’ve never experienced this with other women, quite the opposite actually. It’s more the male friends who don’t have much to say to me, but if I don’t know them that well I don’t really expect them to tbh. I don’t take offence.

Apologies for offending people so terribly over the word female, I genuinely had no idea it was a derogatory term, I simply meant women. Thank you for the replies, I can see, as with most threads it's 50/50 Thank you to the posters who have shared experience of this themselves. And to the ones that suggested just walking on, that's good advice, I'm not a confrontational person so that idea suits me.

Hmm I don’t really speak to the partners of people I know much. Maybe I’m rude, but if I bump into a friend and their partner I’m only really interested in catching up with my friend.

In the past I looked on as DH was spoken to or chatted with someone now, older, I would say something like ' I need to get to the shops'', ' shall I go on without you' ' I haven't got all day Jim' and beggar off with or without Jim