To call other women out on ignoring my presence?

[Bluehues]

Is it just me or does anyone else experience this when out and about with their OH? It happens to me a lot! Females he knows, or even ones I've been introduced to, will approach us and talk to him as if I am invisible. It really gets to me, it's so rude! Yesterday a women called to our house to drop something off to my DH he'd ordered from her DH's business. I've met her previously at a country fair type thing a few years ago where she attempted to be crazily over familiar with DH, which he rebuffed, but she didn't once acknowledge me even though I was stood right beside him. Fast forward to yesterday and she knocks, I answer, she asks me if DH "lives here?" I felt like saying yeah he rents a room off me. DH appears in the porch (by coincidence, we were on our way out) and so she again cuts me out and speaks to him as if they're alone. Then!.., 10mins later we bump into her on our walk, she comes over the road completely ignoring my presence yet again, coo's over our baby asking my DH all about "his" baby as if he's a single parent. I butted in a few times with normal conversation but I'm starting to think I should outright ask women like her if they can see me!? She's just one example of many. Please tell me I'm not the only one this happens to, and do you call them out on it, or let it slide?

Sounds like she fancies him op.
As long as your dh tries to involve you in the conversation and thinks ‘she’s weird’ I wouldn’t worry too much.
Plus if she knows full well you’re married with a young baby she sounds horrible. It’ll be no loss if you ignore her from now on.

I just was going to say I’ve read about wives and girlfriends of famous men, particularly footballers and pop stars (sometimes their partners are well known women in their own right) have had this happen to them, with bells on. Some girls literally barging them out of the way to get to the guy and openly flirting outrageously with them. It must be really tiresome to have it happen all the time. How the guy handles it is really really telling and it sounds as if your DH is doing his best.

I must say it occasionally happens even with us non famous folk as well, and not just with women. Some people are just bloody rude to ignore the other person as if they were invisible. Would I call them out? Probably if it was a regular occurrence, I would. As an occasional one off I’ve just ‘huffed’ and walked off, which sent my DP scurrying after me, which ended the conversation with the rude person quite effectively.

This sounds to me like your husband maybe a good looking guy? And you you are insecure in your marriage.

Well in that case @Bluehues you can totally rise above it!!

Go high so to speak.

I know it is hard though. My cousin lovebombed our other cousins while simultaneously icing me, and although you know they are damaged people to carry on like that, it is still annoying, you think, i just want harmony, integration, cohesiveness. But that isnt always what you get. Sometimes you get shunned 🥴😑

I've experienced this, from a few women that are partners of friends of dh. One woman in particular did it very blatantly, on more than one occasion. Tbh I just wrote her off as rude and a bit self absorbed and have since found out she's like that with alot of people so shrug

In six years three times is nothing, I really wouldnt worry.
As your husband is aware this is happening just ask him to wrap up the conversation really fast by saying he can't stop/talk/is in a hurry etc.
I do think you are being over sensitive though, the woman in question obviously gas a bit of a thing for him and as long as he isnt acting on it you have nothing to worry about. Out of interest, how old is your baby? Is it possible you could still be a bit overly hormonal so it could have got to you more than it would have done otherwise?

I think you and others are reading too much into these situations just because the other person is a woman. Would you be just as suspicious if it was a bloke. Dh and I were out the other day and he was approached or spoken to by more than one person while we were out without them engaging in conversation with me. I’ll speak to those I know, but if it’s just an friend/acquaintance through work or hobbies I don’t expect them to speak to me, whether they are men or women makes no difference.

Actually I had a funny scenario just this past week. A neighbour was chatting to me at my front gate. She told me she finds my DH really attractive when she sees him wearing his grey tracksuit bottoms she was laughing about it saying she always yries to catch a glimpse of him during the day. I was pissing myself laughing tbh.
Then she says 'you don't mind though do you? Everybody thinks you're beautiful anyway' and walked off laughing. She said all of this is in front of my 11 yr old DD and her 8 yr old DS.
Odd behaviour, but I just found it funny, DH was mortified

Your husband can do a lot to help out here by making sure you have been introduced, pulling you into the conversation etc. (This works the other way when it's you who knows the person and your husband is just hanging about).
My reaction to this kind of person is to kill them with kindness. If you knew this womans name, when you opened the door you could have said ' hi there X! How are you? You must be here to see Y, come on in I'll find him'. Then later when she crossed the street to admire baby, your husbands turn to include you in the conversation. This may just be by saying 'we' and looking at you and smiling, putting his arm on you. You could have asked her if she had kids or whatever - something that would require a response. In other words, treat her like a potential new friend, not an enemy.
I do find men are guilty of this too. In their case it's not knowing how to talk to someone they don't know, so focus on the person they do.

I wondered if this was a stealth boast about OP's drop dead gorgeous hunk husband. So pretty that women can't stop talking to him.

Well, she didnt lead with that. She mentioned his looks in answer to a question.

@ragged If he is good looking and she mentions it its just got to be a stealth boast, hasn't it?

I despair of us women at times

I think if OP was actually being too sensitive or imagining it, she’d have said it happens constantly, not just a few times in years.

It’s definitely a thing that happens. I think the women that do it just don’t like other women at all and especially not happy ones with attractive husbands!

my last post was a joke... MN sense of humour bypass again.
That said, I only read OP's first post. It was pretty obvious line to lead up to!

she asks me if DH "lives here "

I suppose "is this the right address for DH" is too convoluted

And if she asked "If this DHs house" ? you'd have everyone piling on to tell you "No tell her it's your house too" .

I never have this or I haven't noticed .

I wondered that @ragged

[quote HotSince82]@ragged If he is good looking and she mentions it its just got to be a stealth boast, hasn't it?

I despair of us women at times[/quote]
Me too and for whatever reason the past few days on MN have been particularly bad. It just comes across as envy to me.

ps: since it doesn't happen to me, women don't ignore me & only speak to my H, then my DH must be right dog to look at.

pps: that's a JOKE.

Somebody upthread criticised my advice and said it would make op look bonkers!

I did make the distinction between one person doing this ignoring persistently, and a few different people doing it once or twice.

The technique of putting somebody on notice is not mine! I cannot take credit for it. It is successful though. I have used it.

The key though, when you say "is that your intention?" 9 times out of 10 they say oh gosh no. At which point you have to take them at their word. Say "im so glad i was wrong!" and let it go immediately.

The method works because you only voiced how you FELT. You gave them the opportunity to tell you that you were wrong. You told them you were happy to be wrong about them

It works because it isca non confrontational way of putting somebody on notice.

hate the phrase “call someone out”
Me too and there's been a sudden flurry of threads on here this morning using it in the title, followed by breathless fast-paced posts ...it's a bit odd .

People saying me noticing rudeness means I must be insecure in my marriage, I simply can't understand your reasoning with that. I'm not insecure we have a wonderful marriage, other people fancying him wouldn't bother me at all, I just think when I've said hello, they could at least reply and then carry on lusting after him

How would you express that?

Challenge somebody sounds even more confrontational I think

@ragged

my last post was a joke... MN sense of humour bypass again. That said, I only read OP's first post. It was pretty obvious line to lead up to!

Maybe it wasn’t funny? I read that kind of post as a quick easy way of shitting on another woman and also gaslighting.

This kind of thing happens. If you’d read the thread you’d see plenty of women have experienced it.

@ragged

ps: since it doesn't happen to me, women don't ignore me & only speak to my H, then my DH must be right dog to look at.

pps: that's a JOKE.

Haha! So funny! Look at you!

coo's over our baby asking my DH all about "his" baby as if he's a single parent

She was addressing him, so she must have said “your” as in “your baby”. Which can be plural or singular. So it’s literally impossible for her to have linguistically excluded you from ownership of the baby.