To call other women out on ignoring my presence?

[Bluehues]

Is it just me or does anyone else experience this when out and about with their OH? It happens to me a lot! Females he knows, or even ones I've been introduced to, will approach us and talk to him as if I am invisible. It really gets to me, it's so rude! Yesterday a women called to our house to drop something off to my DH he'd ordered from her DH's business. I've met her previously at a country fair type thing a few years ago where she attempted to be crazily over familiar with DH, which he rebuffed, but she didn't once acknowledge me even though I was stood right beside him. Fast forward to yesterday and she knocks, I answer, she asks me if DH "lives here?" I felt like saying yeah he rents a room off me. DH appears in the porch (by coincidence, we were on our way out) and so she again cuts me out and speaks to him as if they're alone. Then!.., 10mins later we bump into her on our walk, she comes over the road completely ignoring my presence yet again, coo's over our baby asking my DH all about "his" baby as if he's a single parent. I butted in a few times with normal conversation but I'm starting to think I should outright ask women like her if they can see me!? She's just one example of many. Please tell me I'm not the only one this happens to, and do you call them out on it, or let it slide?

@Pinkblueberry it's literally happened 3 times in our 6 year relationship but to me that's a lot. It is only women, his male friends, even ones I meet for the first time, have all been really polite

so you say your husband notices it but then make no effort to include you in the conversation and put an end to this??

...that's weird don't you think?

I don’t think I’ve had this happen to me but I have severe social anxiety and I am terrified of people. I always think I’m doing really well and then my husband will say - how come you didn’t respond/look at so and so/ say anything? And I think ‘shit, didn’t I?!’ Not making excuses, but I really struggle with talking to people, especially if I don’t know them, know them a little and loads of people think I’m a horrible bitch, when inside, I am dying at every interaction and just want to be on my own or with those closest to me. Try not to take it personally, she may not mean anything by it.

Maybe ask your husband to try and bring you in a bit more? If they are having a conversation it’s both of them responsible, him more so as he knowS you I think.

*I hate the phrase “call someone out”.8

Thought I was the only one, all I can visualise is a gauntlet round the chops and En garde! I call it the Heidelberg threat!

I know exactly what you mean.Dont know why people are making excuses for the woman.She fancies him and shes making it obvious.

Is this not just because they don't know and do know your husband relatively well?

Most of DH's friends and aquaintances are male, but I don't really expect them to talk to me much if they drop by to see him or we meet by chance in public.

I think most people have encountered the occassional woman who gravitates to the men or sole male in any mixed group and behaves as though he is the only person present, often with a fair bit of mild social flirting. These are the sort of women who claim women don't like them and they get on better with men, and it's transparently obvious that this is a vicious circle. I'm not sure what creates that tendancy, I think there are a couple of quite different sets of experiences that lead that way, but once it gets started it's obviously pretty self perpetuating and self confirming...

However in the case of only knowing one of a couple fairly well and the other not at all, and especially when the aquaintanceship is work related so has a networking element, it seems fairly ordinary to talk to the person you know.

I don't like people who refer to women as "Females" in an attempt to sound sneery. There are contexts where that is the right word, but they are mostly biology related or where both women and girl children need to be clearly included in the definition.

@StarScream22 yes but do you avoid eye contact completely with the person you don't know? I might not chat to a friends friend I don't know but I would give the a smile or some form of acknowledgement

I'd be annoyed with my husband if he was speaking to her like you weren't there too? Did he make any effort to make it a 3 way conversation by asking your opinion or giving you an "in" when she asked too many questions directed just at him, eg Women: ohh lovely baby has he started doing x yet? Husband: ah yes he started doing x last week didn't he OP.

myself AND DH

DH and I, please, there was a whole other thread on the pretentious misuse of 'myself'.

3 times in 6 years you say and you remembered this and started a thread ? Holy fuck.

@Bluehues no but I grew up in a country where we don’t smile at people so I’m probably the wrong person to ask

@LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow

so you say your husband notices it but then make no effort to include you in the conversation and put an end to this??

...that's weird don't you think?

No I must say DH is very good, he always introduces me, and like yesterday, he looks at me when I add to the conversation, he'll reply and speak to me as well during the conversation , but in yesterday's incident, she just has tunnel vision and hearing for him. He suggested we don't buy from them anymore because in his words "she's being weird"

Your DH needs to say ' Oh do you remember so and so ? " or " This is my wife Blue" ...he is at fault too .

@PrincessHoneysuckle

I know exactly what you mean.Dont know why people are making excuses for the woman.She fancies him and shes making it obvious.

Thank you

@PrinnyPree yes he definitely tried to make it a 3 way conversation

Is your dh a good looking bloke? (I am not being flippant) - if so, the offenders that you have noted cutting you out of conversation might have a thing for him I suppose

Shortly after we were married a female friend of my dh sent him a birthday card in which she commented "I hope that you enjoyed your holiday" - it was our honeymoon!

@Fallsballs It happened yesterday so yes, got me thinking about past times, I may or may not be miscounting how many times it's happened as I honestly don't dwell on it, but I know for sure it's happened more than once just with this women so I'm interested to hear other people's experience, if any of this, or similar

@LimitIsUp yes he is good looking, I know it, and people tell me all the time (which I love) but I was hoping this wasn't the reason, because I find that even more rude

It happens, it’s not just women though, men we bump into that know my husband don’t chit chat to me either - but why would they? I don’t know them, they don’t know me... it doesn’t bother me though.

Three times in six years is so infrequent as to be unworthy of comment. I wouldn't give it headspace.

The most recent event can be equally seen as unstrange given the context of the relationship with your husband, but it does seem as though you're looking extra hard for evidence to support your theory.

What form does this "Call Her Out" threat take?

I thought you meant one woman was persistently doing this only to you. In which case i was goingvto say yes, call her out.

But if it is many different women doing it once, then that is a difficult one to solve.

Is yr husband telling people you are a flat mate? Is he flirting with women like he is single? Something is amiss

Can I just say, it's not about chit chat, I don't mind not being in on the conversation, but when I'm stood there, and I've smiled and said hello, I don't think it's unreasonable to have at least a split second of eye contact, or a smile, or a hello back??

Ah I see. He's really, really good-looking.

Pee on him next time someone does it to mark out your territory.

Three times in six years? Are you keeping a tally?! Dh and I have been married 21 years and it has happened very odd times over the years when we've each met old friends/work colleagues in the street but mostly it's been fine because we make a point of introducing one another. You sound like you're maybe looking for reasons to feel you're being ignored.

Call her out is a phrase that i hear a lot in ireland. If you arent familiar with it, maybe op is irish.
It isnt threatening. It could be "hey, i feel like you are so warm and friendly to Dave but so cold to me. Is that your intention?".

That is an example of calling somebody out.

It isnt mafioso stuff. 🙄