To call other women out on ignoring my presence?

[Bluehues]

Is it just me or does anyone else experience this when out and about with their OH? It happens to me a lot! Females he knows, or even ones I've been introduced to, will approach us and talk to him as if I am invisible. It really gets to me, it's so rude! Yesterday a women called to our house to drop something off to my DH he'd ordered from her DH's business. I've met her previously at a country fair type thing a few years ago where she attempted to be crazily over familiar with DH, which he rebuffed, but she didn't once acknowledge me even though I was stood right beside him. Fast forward to yesterday and she knocks, I answer, she asks me if DH "lives here?" I felt like saying yeah he rents a room off me. DH appears in the porch (by coincidence, we were on our way out) and so she again cuts me out and speaks to him as if they're alone. Then!.., 10mins later we bump into her on our walk, she comes over the road completely ignoring my presence yet again, coo's over our baby asking my DH all about "his" baby as if he's a single parent. I butted in a few times with normal conversation but I'm starting to think I should outright ask women like her if they can see me!? She's just one example of many. Please tell me I'm not the only one this happens to, and do you call them out on it, or let it slide?

It's possible she was just checking it was the right house and that your DH still lived there. It's not out of the realms of possibility that you'd split up, if you met her several years ago, even if she recognised you- I frankly wouldn't have after meeting at a fair years ago!

But in general, I don't experience this. But if someone my OH knows and I do not comes over to talk to him, I'll politely speak to them and then wander of until they've finished talking anyway.

@TSSDNCOP hahaa good idea

My other half is slightly famous, and this happens all the time. Women coming up and man handling him, pretending I am invisible and literally physically cold shouldering me out of the conversation. Grabbing hold of his arm and gabbling on and on at him even when he’s said three times, “I’m sorry I have to go there’s someone I need to speak to urgently.”

Unfortunately due to childhood trauma issues he is extremely conflict-averse and finds it almost impossible to stand up for himself. I have to play the bad guy and sometimes we actively discuss “rescue plans” ahead of events to get him away from people like this. Like running up in a pretend panic saying “so and so needs you urgently!!” or even just grabbing him and marching him away. He can’t be rude without damaging his career but I can.

I know it’s not the same situation as the OP, but yes some women are possessive of men and resent those men’s wives and partners. What’s important is that you as a couple are on the same page.

OP I just want to say thanks for posting this - I've just had a 'it's not just me moment'!

DH and I live in a small town, the sort which if your mother's grandmother wasn't born here you're a 'blow in'. I had the audacity to be born 15 miles away!

DH is known by a lot of people due to his work. People do what you described quite frequently. It is always a women, men speak to both of us.

DH has made a point of introducing me to one woman 7 times (it became a thing so we counted!) over the 5 years we've been married and she still does it. She just looks at me blankly each time and directs the conversation back to him solely.

It really really annoys me!

@Bluehues

Can I just say, it's not about chit chat, I don't mind not being in on the conversation, but when I'm stood there, and I've smiled and said hello, I don't think it's unreasonable to have at least a split second of eye contact, or a smile, or a hello back??

Yes, I agree with you on this. It's rude to not acknowledge someone.

@WinnieWonder I honestly think if someone took your advice in the context OP is talking about they would sound quite bonkers.

*it's always women (apologies for the typo!)

Maybe you’re a bit scarey op with your incredibly good looking hubster and darting eyes.

@Welkin, you obviously don't have to say, and this is an irrelevant point, but I'm now really curious who your husband is!

@WinnieWonder

Call her out is a phrase that i hear a lot in ireland. If you arent familiar with it, maybe op is irish. It isnt threatening. It could be "hey, i feel like you are so warm and friendly to Dave but so cold to me. Is that your intention?".

That is an example of calling somebody out.

It isnt mafioso stuff. 🙄

Thank you, this exactly what I know it to mean

@Welkin I think this is exactly it, my DH is also locally "famous" so I know she knows who I am and definitely remembered me, everyone knows everyone where we live.

A fellow parent has experienced this in a school setting from an alpha PTA type. She leaned into their car window and blanked the mother while fixated on the convo with the dad. Who noticed it also.

In that case it's not sexual - it's a dads-are-gods-amongst-us-if-they-collect-their-kid sort of thing. Bad manners primarily directed at other women in the pecking order atmosphere of a school setting.
I've experienced it also, but as being interrupted/blanked while talking with other women.

He probably needs to work a bit harder on the famous part as its only been 3 times in 6 years OP.

@Bluehues you are gettingva hard time here.

I am a woman's woman but not all women are. Some are too steeped in patriarchy, so even though your H is married, his attention validates them and yours does not.

These women exist of course they do. Telling you thst you're too sensitive as a default response is just more patriarchy.

Some women kiss up (,a good looking man) and kick down (a woman pushing a buggy).

Do not buy in to somebody else's prrception of you. Ie, ",down", "invisible". The hard part is to act exactly how you would act if there were no rudeness. Like the rudeness is so beneath you it was not an issue for you. Good luck. I believe you. I can be sensitive yes, but i am not blind to the fact that some people only spend niceness on friends who validate them.

This has happened to me on several occasions. I just take it that my DH isn't great at introducing me. Sometimes I'm confident enough to do it myself. Other times I just keep quiet.

@itsmesoitis yes this is exactly our situation, I am also so glad it's not just me. Hallelujah for people like you joining the thread!

Also though, as a PS i would ask your husband if he has sung yr praises or run you down to his friends.

Because that could be an explanation. The wife of his friend could think she knows that you are v unreasonable.

Happens to me, both men and women. Thought it was because my partner is much more sociable than me.

@WinnieWonder thank you

So why doesn't your DH make sure you're included in the conversation? That would either make her even more rude if she continued to ignore you or would point out her rudeness and she might realise.

No DH never runs me down, he is a perfect gentleman, perfect husband, I can't fault him on anything, which I think probably only adds to the attraction from other women

@Nanny0gg

So why doesn't your DH make sure you're included in the conversation? That would either make her even more rude if she continued to ignore you or would point out her rudeness and she might realise.

He does as I said above, he makes every effort which only highlighted her rudeness more

We have all experienced this if we arent rich/beautiful/charismatic.

I got a taxi home from a school reunion a while ago and the woman to my right talked over me making conversation with the person to my left in a really forced way. It made it hard to join in. I remember thinking "omg woman you must be 48 what is wrong with you, relax, let the conversation flow".

Never happens to me, but then I'm definitely the more attractive partner in our relationship so maybe that's it?

The smartest thing to do, in the most recent scenario, is agree that as a household you will no longer do business with the woman in question. It has the merit of being decisive and with a jaunty fuck you.