Why is the term 'BM' so hated on MN?

[Wouldyougivemeamortgage]

This is a genuine question, something I'm stumped over. Why do some mums object so strongly to the term BM or bio mum or birth mum on here? I'm not being goady.

If used on a step parenting thread where there is a step mum and a mum (not wishing to use the term and annoy anyone), there is a genuine reason to differentiate but some mums are furious? I don't understand why? It's not a term that implies anything negative, just you gave birth rather than a step mum who didn't?

@Wouldyougivemeamortgage if the step mum separates from the DC's dad then the step-mum is no longer a mum.

A mum is always your mum. BM only in cases of adoption.

You asked a question. You will have to get used to calling your Step-child's mum... her mum!

Kids only have one mum. They can have several stepmums and that relationship only lasts while the stepmum is married to their parent. The term biological mother is only ever used in the cases of adoption / gamete donation to describe a genetic relationship.

@GrumpyHoonMain - I'd love to see you explain that to my daughter. She's three and knows perfectly well her bio mum is my wife. She's known she has two mums from day 1.

I get that people are saying the OP of this thread is goady and I see why, but I have to admit it is successful, as it makes me notice how quick posters are to insist that a term that's perfectly routine in some circles must always have offensive intent.

It really needn't. If you don't like it, don't use it. If you think someone is using it to stir things, deliberately, take it up with them. But don't start insisting the term itself is insulting across the board. It's just rude.

Because they aren’t a birth mum they are the mum. A birth mum is a mum who’s child has been adopted out.

I thought you were talking about Bowel Movement!!!

I see you commented on someones thread about what they like about being a step parent and you said absolutely nothing. Your clearly not cut out to be a step parent and come across as if you think you should be on the same level as a childs mother or in some ways more superior hence the bio comment a child should be respectful to you as another adult but they are not enforced to treat you as an extended parent.

Besides anything else, we don't need another flipping acronym on this site. All the D bollocks is enough.

For the same reason that cis woman is offensive. There is no need to add a descriptor to the word woman or the word mother, everyone knows what these words mean.

"Gosh you're nice @bubbleup. So the woman looking after your children is a lesser human being then you??"

No as you well know 🙄

All the D bollocks is enough. THIS!!!!! 100000000 times this!!!!! It annoys me reading so many posts that say my darling husband is an abusive asshat.

The only times I ever come across bio/birth mother outside of adoption is when dad's new girlfriend/partner/wife is over stepping boundaries and sees themself as an equal parent to the mum, which they're not. Or a passive aggressive way of demeaning the children's mother

This. In bucketloads.

I agree with those who say the 'B' part isn't needed but it does make me think of the times I have heard of absent casually referred to as 'the sperm donor' even when the conception was the usual way but he buggered off. It is harder for us to accept that mothers can bugger off too but it does happen sometimes.

I would use BM to mean the mother of a child who was adopted and not raised by that woman.

Because there is a mum (the adopted mum) who goes by mum.

When it's a SM thread it makes it sound like they are not just their mum, which they are.

@soupdragon nobody says birth father because the father didn't give birth you wally

🤣

[quote CorianderLord]@soupdragon nobody says birth father because the father didn't give birth you wally [/quote]
Did you fail to read this bit The only time I think I hear "biological father" is when he is absent. You wally.

@soupdragon yes, but you said you'd only heard bio father, never birth father... because they didn't give birth. Or was that not what you were confused about?

And yes I read that bit, it seemed a separate clause

YANBU although it depends on the situation. My dad had a daughter I never knew about. Her adoptive parents are ‘mum’ and ‘dad’. If she hadn’t been given up but my dad had split from BM and remarried then I expect that BM and step mum would be differentiated in some way.

It implies that the SM is also a mum and not all stepmums like to be seen as that. Even “SM” is a bit much for some people.

At the risk of starting a massive derail and bun fight... my local maternity hospital seems to think fathers can give birth (they refer to "birthing people" and not women) so I guess technically a father could give birth if it was a trans man who was the birth mother but self identified as a father

For me Birth Mother implies someone who have birth to the child but had little or no input into their upbringing.

@corianderLord, birth father is the term used in adoption to reflect father at the time of birth. Similarly birth parents.

@AnotherEmma well that's me told I'll be other here with the birth people and step people

Gave birth
Mother doesn't need anything else added to it.

Step mothers can be a mother figure but are not actually mothers.