Am I being unreasonable not wanting to loose weight?

[Miss2009]

I'm a 32 (soon to be 33) year old female. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 10 years. I used to be a little underweight when we first met. I was forcing myself to eat a little bit more each week as I wanted to be at a healthy weight in order to conceive at some point in the future. 10 years later I am overweight and trying to loose a couple of stone to get back to a healthy weight again. We have never been on a proper holiday together, mainly because of affording it. We've had long weekends around the UK but I've always wanted to go somewhere on a beach with him for longer than a weekend. I have always believed that a partner should love you no matter what you look like. Anyway, a holiday destination was mentioned on TV today and I asked him if we could go once the coronavirus has gone. He seemed really annoyed that I had asked him. He was playing games on his phone at the time. I asked him if we were ever going to go on holiday and he exclaimed "yes!, but once you loose the weight! He then started going on about how we will be limited on activities we can do on holiday. The only limitation I have is walking slow because I have a condition where I drag my left leg behind me slightly. I also have a tendency to trip up if I walk fast and if I do walk fast my asthma starts to flare up. I've always had these issues, even before I put the weight on. He doesn't hold my hand when we're out together because apparently I slow him down. He thinks if I lose the weight all of these things will go away and I will be faster. I have explained to him, that even if I lose the weight, where there might be an improvement, my walking speed and asthma may stay the same. I also said we can still go on holiday, whether I am overweight or not, he should love me for who I am. He thinks I'm just being stubborn and don't want to lose the weight. I do want to lose it but I want to do it for me, not because he wants me to. Am I being unreasonable?

@lemmathelemmin RTFT for god's sake, this goes so much deeper than just the OP!!!

Pack his bags you both want different things definitely not to late to start again and have children

He sounds awful tbh. But you have addressed you are overweight you may find once you are happier in yourself you are more motivated to lose weight

Go on the holiday with friends

lemmathelemmin and all the other posters concern trolling over the OP’s health or falling over themselves to get across that they wouldn’t put the weight on and they wouldn’t like it if their partner put weight on - take a bloody day off would you?

Jesus Christ it’s obvious to anyone with even the most basic reading comprehension and grasp of normal human interactions that the OP’s boyfriend is a dick, a nasty bullying dick who can’t treat her with even a basic level of care, insults and undermines her and holds the things she wants - like a holiday or children - over her head as something he can either grant or deny in order to make her feel shit. If you can read that and still just have to post that actually being overweight is unhealthy like nobody has ever made that link before, or simply not be able to stop yourself from pointing out that you personally don’t fancy fat people - well you’re the one with a problem I think.

OP - you’re doing the right thing I promise. You absolutely have time to achieve the things you want, not loads of time granted but time enough. You will never get them with this arsehole. You need to stop looking at him as someone who stops you being on your own at least, and look at what he really is - the person who is keeping you lonely, eroding your self confidence and preventing you from living the life you deserve. I split up with the ex I’d been with since my teens when I was 30. Before we split up I thought I would simply die if it happened, that I couldn’t be on my own, I’d never cope. Every day post breakup I’d remind myself ‘well I’m not dead yet’. I pushed myself really hard afterwards to accept invitations, try new things, go away on my own etc. It was bloody hard but it was so good for me, I really gained back so much confidence and independence. And the friends I had that I’d have said were not that close have actually wound up being my very best friends and the best I could have wished for. There is life after these dickhead men and it is such a good life - so much better than you can dream of whilst you’re still being ignored and talked down to every day. And now I have a wonderful husband and am expecting my first baby at 40.

Get him out lovely. If you’re going to have the kind of life you want, filled with friends and holidays, a truly loving relationship and children one day, you’re going to have to fight for it and the first step is getting him out. He’s not your chance at a happy life, he’s the thing actively preventing it.

Leave him and have a chance at marrying someone else and having kids. Stay longer and lose that chance and tie yourself up into living with this miserable twat.
Your choice.

Tell him a time to be out or you will call friends/the police. Make him realise you are serious.

But you’re alone now. He’s not “in” the relationship with you.

I'm also 5ft and only register as healthy on BMI index when I stay under 8 st 9oz.

The maximum healthy weight for your height according to NHS calculator is 9st 1lb.

OP I agree this man is a shit.

Will he be at work tomorrow? When he goes out pack his bags and get the locks changed.

OP, don't let fear of being alone make you put up with a man who treats you like shit.

Please do the Freedom Programme to understand your situation better and to recognise what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour and treatment. You can do it online for a tenner. www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

I had DC into my forties, then I left my abusive husband and met my now DP in my late forties who is lovely and never puts me down like yours does. I deeply regret having DC with an abusive bastard. I will never be 100% free of him, and I chose the worst father for them.

Don't be me. Being alone is liberating and you have years to find the right man for you, once you've learned how to raise your standards because you are a human being who deserves to be adored not shit upon.