Am I being unreasonable not wanting to loose weight?

[Miss2009]

I'm a 32 (soon to be 33) year old female. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 10 years. I used to be a little underweight when we first met. I was forcing myself to eat a little bit more each week as I wanted to be at a healthy weight in order to conceive at some point in the future. 10 years later I am overweight and trying to loose a couple of stone to get back to a healthy weight again. We have never been on a proper holiday together, mainly because of affording it. We've had long weekends around the UK but I've always wanted to go somewhere on a beach with him for longer than a weekend. I have always believed that a partner should love you no matter what you look like. Anyway, a holiday destination was mentioned on TV today and I asked him if we could go once the coronavirus has gone. He seemed really annoyed that I had asked him. He was playing games on his phone at the time. I asked him if we were ever going to go on holiday and he exclaimed "yes!, but once you loose the weight! He then started going on about how we will be limited on activities we can do on holiday. The only limitation I have is walking slow because I have a condition where I drag my left leg behind me slightly. I also have a tendency to trip up if I walk fast and if I do walk fast my asthma starts to flare up. I've always had these issues, even before I put the weight on. He doesn't hold my hand when we're out together because apparently I slow him down. He thinks if I lose the weight all of these things will go away and I will be faster. I have explained to him, that even if I lose the weight, where there might be an improvement, my walking speed and asthma may stay the same. I also said we can still go on holiday, whether I am overweight or not, he should love me for who I am. He thinks I'm just being stubborn and don't want to lose the weight. I do want to lose it but I want to do it for me, not because he wants me to. Am I being unreasonable?

I don’t agree that someone should love you regardless of what you look like. I wouldn’t be attracted to my man if he was overweight

@Miss2009

He knows how much I want kids. As I explained in another post on Mumsnet, just before I turned 30 I brought up the subject of children. I had backed off talking about it before as he felt pressured. I had told him at the beginning of the relationship that I wanted kids. Anyway, just before my 30th birthday I brought up the subject and he freaked out and said he never wants kids. Now, each time we have a disagreement he goads me by saying 'I'm never having kids with you' and smirks about it. I get upset and sometimes he's sorry and says 'maybe' when I tell him that I really want children. But over and over again when we disagree about anything he says 'I'm never having kids with you' I have low self esteem and whenever I try to end the relationship he makes it hard by either ignoring me or he starts being nice. I'm almost 33 and worried my time to have children with someone is running out 😢

Oh good god woman dump his sorry arse.

Scenario 1. He condescend to have children with you even though you are unworthy of him. He's bitch about your body and Ruin the experience, he'll still be a dick and you'll worry what kind of messages he'll pass onto the kids.

S2. He won't have kids with you, you'll get mid 40s, it'll be too late anyway and you'll be even more miserable you wasted those years on him.

S3. You dump him, you find someone who thinks you're awesome. You do or dont have kidsbut either way you'll be loved and RESPECTED

He's manipulative and abusive.

"loose"....again?

In seriousness, he sounds controlling and he is trying to make you feel bad to ruin your self esteem. If you can take in the excellent posts on here from other users, then please take that advice to heart and get rid.

Well if you stay with him, you will not have kids and spend the rest of your life being treated like shit.

So on balance I think the risk involved in leaving him is worth it... why would you WANT to have children with this arsehole anyway, would you want him treating you like shit in front of the kids? Would you want him treating the children like shit?

Not what you're asking, but are you seeing your GP about your asthma? I saw a new asthma nurse and got a new type of inhaler about six months ago and it made me realise what I was putting up with before.

He's such a knob
I've read your other posts. Why do you want to be with someone who treats you like shit? Don't have kids with him, don't stay with him, lose 15 useless stone very easily. Wow. Ltb

Yes you have time OP. But only if you do something about it NOW!

I divorced dickhead exH at 33. Had a couple of glorious single years, met DH aged 35 and DD at 38.

The key here was the single time, really honing my skills to weed out bullshit, assholes, abusers and losers. I knew when DH came along he was made of gold, and he still is to this day (we've been together 7 years now, and he's still amazing)

Don't settle. Get rid of this POS. If you're anything like me you'll probably lose some weight when single anyway as you'll likely drink less, have time to join the gym, classes,walk or cycle and only have to please yourself. Sounds good?

It's time to cut your losses and move on OP. You still have time to get away from this person and find a loving partner to have children with. As we all know, pregnancy is not always straightforward so don't waste your time. Why would you want to bring a child into this toxic relationship, which seems likely to end at some point anyway. This relationship doesn't sound stable and secure enough to bring a child into imo. You need to move on.

It shouldn't be 50/50 as in 50% good and 50% bad. It should be 50% (or higher!) mindblowingly wonderful and 50% good.

Ditch him now, so that you have the time to meet somebody who worships you and have children with that person. Don't waste time with this bozo, he won't change, he will always find a reason to put you down.

Incidentally (at 5ft4 and 14st) I don't go on holiday to look good in the photographs afterwards. I go on holiday to have a rest, a change of scene, experience something new, explore. Photos are an afterthought and only taken to aid memories.

He sounds horrible. Do you really want kids with a nasty person like him? Can you imagine if you did have kids with him and they grew up and were overweight. Or what if one of your children had SEN. Do you think he would be supportive or be nasty to you and the child? Can you imagine him saying to a child everytime they were naughty that he didn't want them anyway? He really isn't parent material. Dump him.

Why would you want to go on holiday with him anyway? It wouldn’t be enjoyable in his company.

If you want kids don't have them with this dickhead! What a nasty bastard

You definitely have time to ditch him and find someone else to have children with! But do it now so you don't lose too much time and have time to have some single fun and get over him. And also do it now because he's a nasty idiot who you really don't want to end up tied to forever anyway. Any more time spent with him, he will continue to drag you down and ruin your self esteem so it'll take you longer to be ready for the right relationship. Once you've made the decision for sure in your mind, him ignoring or being (temporarily) nice won't be able to reverse it.

I've rejoined MN just to post on this, was a previous user for 13 years but had to delete my account 🙄, PLEASE LTB!!!! So not only has he criticised your weight yet he is using your want for children against you? Seriously get out of there. You do not need this. He is an absolute bastard.

BTW I'm 34 and single, I have children but I'd have another if a partner wanted us to. I know it is not too late. Even if you do t have kids, which he obviously doesn't want to, please leave. He's a horrible man.

Imo to lose weight you need to feel good about yourself. He is just making you feel bad so ditch him. I had 2 pregnancies in my late 30s and one in my early forties. It isn't too late.
Leave him and I bet the weight will fall off.

You should lose the weight, about the weight of that degrading man should do it.

Then, get to a healthy feeling because you have chosen it and you are in control of deciding what you want.

You are only 33 you have plenty of time to meet someone who actually cares about you. Why would you want to have children with someone who could treat you like he does. It sounds like you will never have children with him as he clearly thinks he can do better than you so cut your losses now and either kick him out or leave.

Why in the world would you want children with someone like that?
Cut him loose, build up your self esteem and move on.

So you really think children deserve him as a father? Why would you do that to a child?

Of course you’re young enough to find someone else and have children. But regardless of that you need to leave him because he’s horrible to you. What makes you stay? The small amount he’s nice? Google sunk cost fallacy.

You're half a foot shorter than me and half a stone lighter. We are a bit chunky. Not fat enough to be told you're not allowed on holiday.

Fuck him off.

Live a healthy lifestyle. If you lose weight as a byproduct then great.

What a cunt. When are kicking him out????

He's a prick