Why is it is intolerant not to be compelled by others to use the highly political speech they enforce on you (which may go against your own interests and those who are vulnerable in society)?
But it's not intolerant to throw a temper tantrum and full on wobbler if someone tries to use new names / pronouns and gets it wrong?
I think there is a fundamental lack of understanding about what changing your identity / pronouns is actually about.
My experience is there is a total lack of respect for those who are more vulnerable and those who do make an effort but do occasionally get it wrong. Especially those people who have known the individual for a long time and always accepted the individual for who they were, not what they were without question.
This isnt for no reason.
The whole thing about a new identity is about a rejection of who someone was and asserting themselves in a new way to society.
Unfortunately this has a nasty side effect: people who have long term and close relationships with this individual remind them individual of that past. It's not the pronouns that are the problem despite what they say. It's the fact they remember the person's history and identity from before that the individual is trying to reject.
Therefore part of the point of coming out as non-binary is rejecting your own past. That includes a break from the past: and some friends and family that may include.
It is blamed on the 'intolerance' of the friend / family who does genuinely care, but is confused / struggling to adjust to this new identity who isn't 'the person they knew before' precisely because its a rejection of a previous identity.
The reality is though that, even if these close friends and family do adhere to the new language they can never be 'doing it right' or 'well enough' because they still know the previous identity and 'hold the person back' from their new identity. This isn't a deliberate action but a fundamental lack of understanding of how identity works and is formed
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Identity_formation
Identity isn't merely about an individual. Its almost about a collective formation of identity in how you and other relate to each other. It does not happen in isolation. Therefore people who have played a crucial role in the formation of early identity are problematic to gender politics and the adoption of new pronouns and identity.
Identities are formed on many levels, micro, meso, macro, and global. The micro level is self definition and relationship to people and issues as seen from a person or individual perspective. The meso level is where our identifies are viewed, formed, and questioned from our immediate communities and/or our families. Macro are the connections among and between individuals, issues, and groups as a view from a national perspective. Lastly, the global level is connections among and between individuals, issues, and groups from a worldwide perspective.
So if you are rejecting an old identity this often MUST include the rejection of others who are part of the formation of this identity unless they redefine themselves too.
It is therefore NOT merely language but a request for someone else to adopt a new identity and move forward with you at the same pace and without question.
This is both unrealistic and unfair.
It leaves people on both sides emotionally distressed at 'why can't they accept me for who I am / why are they suddenly jumping down my throat and questioning why I don't love them when I always have and have always accepted them for who they are / what they are'.
This, crucially, does not affect people who are not immediate close family and friends in the same way precisely because these people have not been so important in the formation of earlier personal identity. And it's why 'new friends' or acquaintances don't get the dynamic or why its so destructive to both parties involved. The narrative of the 'uncaring bigoted family and friends' is much more complicated than presented by the media or 'support' organisations. And the absence of support for friends and family and voices representing them is a huge silence which people should be more aware of.
The whole problem with gender politics (particularly when it comes to children and young people) is how pronoun enforcement and changing of pronouns drives a wedge in families and isolates those who are trying to establish new identities - and how this leaves them vulnerable to cultish organisations, exploitation and vulnerable to other forms of abuse. Or alternatively these new identities can free someone from normal rules and leave them to exploit others in a more vulnerable position with no agency and identity of their own (see the trans widows for how this works)
Whether this is by accident or design: especially due to the way this is being commercially promoted without proper safeguarding and in some cases a deliberate undermining of safeguarding is open to debate. Its the exact process that cults use to disconnect individuals from people who have a vested interest in the wellbeing of an individual they genuinely care about.
My point is ultimately this: there are cases where if you are extremely close to someone who has decided they need to change their pronouns, it may not matter how supportive you are and how much you try to use the right pronouns - it will be met with hostility or anger if you do slip up, because your mere presence is the problem through no fault of your own. It doesn't matter what you do, it will never be good enough because you tie them to the old identity they are trying to escape because of your pure existence. I think recognising this frees you from the emotional blackmail and gaslighting (to try and place blame on you rather than the individual taking responsibility for their decision to reject the past and how this impacts on others). And gender identity itself is missold as a magic wand to escape internalising issues and problems in an individuals life, because you can not run away from yourself even if you cut yourself off from everyone in your past.
If people realised this more I think there would be a very different attitude to what gender identity and pronouns is all about.
It is NOT in any way shape or form, just a word.
Good luck OP.