What are the opinions on stoic parenting?

[lovepickledlimes]

Me and partner have decided ttc once the rules and regulations once lockdown rules ease up. I have been doing some research on different parenting styles and came across stoic parenting. I think it sounds very sensible but would love to hear more opinions on this

Never heard of it. Can you summarise?

I had to Google it - it just sounds like normal parenting dressed up with a poncy title.

Pretty sure most parents are aiming for things like compassion and consistency.

I’ve just googled it and it sounds like a hell of a way to describe how most people try and parent anyway (i.e being calm, consistent etc). I wouldn’t get too far down a rabbit hole of what kind of parent you plan to be because until the Kids arrive and are children rather than babies you haven’t been forced to parent in a split second and then your real style will come out.

Cross post @Stompythedinosaur !

@Stompythedinosaur to me a big is about teaching emotional control over things we have no control over and that their happiness unhappiness is not based on whar they have or don't have

No idea what you mean, but i wouldn't think that being "stoic" would be very helpful in raising kids, given how important emotion is to parenting!

Also, side note, deciding on a parenting philosophy before you have a kid in front of you is a waste of time. Children are people (so many parents forget that), and therefore are all different, so a one-size-fits-all approach is absolutely doomed to fail.

Just googled it. Sounds like parenting to me.

@Napqueen1234 I do agree there I was just looking for a general direction

Crosspost.

So basically OP you just mean common sense parenting?

It’s the same as mindful parenting. Some good techniques if you are the type who would say or do anything in a fit of rage. We all need to remember that saying the wrong thing the wrong way in a fit of anger may end up scarring a child for life.

Ofgs, does it come with a hardback book? I bet it does.

So just regular parenting, then? Grand. Go for it.
As an FYI though, the kids haven’t read the parenting styles handbook and can’t be guaranteed to behave as directed. Dealing with that is also called parenting.

to me a big is about teaching emotional control over things we have no control over and that their happiness unhappiness is not based on whar they have or don't have

Good luck with that when you have a three year old losing their shit over a snapped banana

Joking aside, don't overthink it. Children aren't a set of tick boxes or a list of philosophies and they most definitely have not read any of the parenting books, what works for one won't work for another so its fairly pointless deciding on a parenting style right now. You don't even have to decide on one at all, it's okay to wing it.

That just sounds like what pretty much every parent is aiming for?!

Honestly, drop the ‘parenting styles’ idea. Its too much pressure and you’ll only be letting yourself down when following literature written by somebody that has never met your family (possibly never even had kids), doesn’t live up to your expectations. There’s only one ‘parenting style’ and that’s doing your very level best.

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow it's not about no emotion it's controlled emotion to things outside my control. I.E. Me stressing about the traffic as we are heading to the airport will help no one etc. Or material things. I would like to lead by example too. So the happiness they have is not reliant on if thetly can have the toy they want or if they can have pudding etc

Hang on ... you're not yet TTC, never mind a parent & you're thinking of 'patenting approaches'?

God.

Look, OP, enjoy the journey to parenthood & I hope all goes well. Forget parenting styles & other nonsense.

Thank you for all the helpful feed back

And as others have said, you can raise three kids in exactly the same way and have one that accepts everything you say like a wee sponge, one that raises an eyebrow, and one that cries inconsolably for three weeks in devastation because you said no ice cream.
Kids are weird. But lovely. And all react in different ways to the exact same stimuli.
The best thing to agree on is that you’ll do your best.

*parenting approaches

@lovepickledlimes that's all common sense, surely? Dressing this up as a "parenting philosophy" sounds like someone's trying to sell you something, OP. Is there a book? A webinar series?

Hmmm, but a toddlers day can be ruined on whether or not they have pudding. Or the red plate. Or the red plate but not the red plate. Or the biscuit but not once it has a bite out of it.

Surely the bit about emotional control is aimed at parents having emotional control over things they can't influence (like babies crying, children squabbling, wetting the bed etc) without overreacting, rather than teaching children to accept the status quo. I'd be worried that it could lead to unquestioning attitudes in children, you want them to question things and challenge what is unfair or unreasonable, even if they can't control it, surely? If I have got the wrong end of the stick I apologise. But like others, I think most parents aim for stoic and consistent as their approach, without thinking too much about labelling it.

So the happiness they have is not reliant on if thetly can have the toy they want or if they can have pudding etc

You've never met a toddler, have you OP?

Anyway, didn't Marcus Aurelius raise a little dictator? He was no Supernanny, that's for sure.

I do realize I need flexibility and won't do it by the book but on instict but it's more a general direction as I saw with my own parents different views and values you want to instill can be detrimental