@bringincrazyback
Those who say you don't punish your kids - how do you teach consequences? (Genuinely interested, not being snarky.)
I probably have moved on to using some generic punishments/stuff like that for motivation purposes now DS1 is older, and have defo gone to them in frustration at various points, but in general I do think it's possible to parent without it.
Essentially, when they're very little you take the approach of preventing/interrupting them doing whatever it is rather than letting them do it and then punishing them in the hope they will learn a negative association with it. This is more effective and is still just as consistent (or can be). With DS2 (big age gap) I use the janet lansbury phrase of "I won't let you do that /I don't want you to (describe thing)" and then redirect to what you want. It is no less effective than time out. But he is not quite two and is much more self controlled than his brother was at this age.
I've always struggled personally with the scenario where you need them to do something on some kind of time scale and they refuse. Like getting shoes on etc. Ideally you just build in enough time supposedly (but don't wait around too long because that gives them too much power) and go with "confident momentum" - DC2 is not in his stage yet so I'll wait and see if my new skills get me through it or maybe he won't be such a pain with this kind of thing as his brother was. Or it will be a non issue as we now have a car that we can just chuck him in and go. I've never felt comfortable threatening punishment to get them to hurry up though either so it's just not a great scenario! I'm better at time management myself now so will see if it's easier with that context.
Generally take the approach that they are trying their best and learning, rather than assuming wilful laziness /disobedience /selfishness etc. So you approach it from a learning standpoint, OK, DC doesn't know how to handle this situation yet whatever it is whether that's frustration with another child or managing their screen time use or other time management.
Problem solving is also usually a good approach for older ones. Sometimes that comes up with a genuine compromise and sometimes this is where you can build in reward/penalty into a system (e.g. Chore schedule with reward for doing more/finishing early and penalty if not done by a certain time) which IME they generally welcome and agree to as long as you involve them in creating the system. Some folk still describe this as "no punishment" but I think if you're being pedantic you could say it's a kind of punishment.
Some people say they do the natural consequences thing but I reckon it's a bit of a buzz word and not that meaningful. Example often used is kid refusing to take a jumper is allowed to be cold because they know their own mind, I did this but I also wouldn't have punished them for not wanting to put a jumper on, seems a bit dramatic? And sometimes you need them to wear shoes if it's raining or there's often broken glass on your street or whatever. Because the natural consequence of getting wet socks or cut feet would be too cruel/annoying to deal with. Or they use it like if you make a mess, you clean it, which is fair, but it's not natural consequences. The natural consequence of making a mess is that now there's a mess. 99% of kids won't care. And they would need your help to connect the idea that their toys/home will get broken, lost, dirty or they don't have space to play (but this would be the kind of thing you could explain while helping them or teaching them a system for cleaning up).
Discussion about consequences does happen over the course of everyday life too as long as you take the chance to notice it and point it out. There will be times when they see you mess up and you can explain ok, we missed this because I was late. Or they will have spent all their pocket money and now they want something else, tough - need to wait. Not punishing doesn't mean insulating them from ever feeling the consequences of their own actions. You may also just reframe things. Instead of "You hurt Tom. Now you go into time out." you might point out "You hurt Tom. Now he is sad." then you'd judge on how they react to that, maybe it's ok to let them go back and play if they seem to understand and feel remorse or want to make amends. Maybe it's better if you take them elsewhere if they're feeling too angry or excitable to play safely. Of course that assumes there is another adult available to comfort Tom.
You can think about the value or action you're trying to discourage /encourage and generally reinforce that (building up habits and routine for personal hygiene, always praising/noticing/modelling kindness, etc).
Then there are a load of issues with punishment in general that make it a low priority choice. It tends to make children feel angry, afraid or resentful. It's only with years of hindsight you feel your parents/teachers were right and most people can still remember instances of punishment they felt were injust. Fear/anger clouds the child's capacity to learn from the event so it's a slower and less effective process than skill teaching, habit forming or so on. If kids are scared of punishment they may not trust you with information they think you'll disapprove of, which can be a problem during the teen years, by which time most punishments have lost their effect anyway, so it's useful to have a foundation of other options. (Disclaimer: have not quite got to the teen bit yet!)
Sorry this was supposed to be brief, but it ended up very long which is usually the problem! As I said I haven't really applied it perfectly. DH is also more likely to turn more quickly to punishment than me. I don't like it and feel it's a last resort or a sign I'm not really managing myself very well whereas he finds it a useful tool and doesn't feel guilty about it.