To ask for your controversial parenting tips?!

[Napqueen1234]

No judgement here. I want to know what you do day to day that works for you/your family but others may think are a bit crazy or controversial.

Today I told a friend that every day when kids are in bed (3 and 1) I tidy the whole downstairs and put all toys away so I can have a completely toy/child free evening. we just have one living room so all their toys downstairs are there and I can’t relax unless it’s tidy. It takes maybe 5/10 mins and is so worth it. My friend was shocked and said she could never be bothered to do that every day (fair enough) and thought it was mad considering it gets immediately destroyed by 6:30 the next morning. I wouldn’t even consider not tidying but to each their own and wouldn’t matter to me if someone else didn’t!

Ok not particularly controversial but anyone else have anything more juicy??

Haven't rtft but how could tidying the kid's toys be such a controversial parenting decision that your friend was shocked?
You both sound quite odd.

The gaffer tape post reminded me that I used to tape my Ds into his nappy!
When he was getting towards a year old and was either crawling or toddling into mischief he used to remove his nappy (he used to pull the tapes open or just pull it down) It drove me daft cos he’d have a wee and you’d never know where. So I used to put a couple of long strips of sellotape round the nappy to keep it on... worked a treat!

Hah. Ours are now 3yrs 9mths and just under 2, and by Mumsnet standards, we're shockingly negligent and should have our kids taken away by social services. Let's go.

• From a few months to a couple of years old, our kids would often fall asleep in the car on our way back from somewhere - and we'd leave them there, car parked on the driveway while we kept half an eye peering out the window, until they woke up naturally. Obviously not on hot days, but they were born at the right time of year (and in the UK) for there to be plenty of days where this was absolutely fine and the temperature in the car remained ideal. I heartily recommend it, they got much more sleep than they would have if we'd brought them in and tried to get them back to sleep.

• Similarly, when they were young enough for an electric baby swing, we let them nap for up to a couple of hours in that too.

• Never mind petrol station forecourts - we've also left them napping in the car while nipping into a supermarket or grabbing some lunch. No regrets, they were still asleep when we got back every time. I've also left them asleep in their bed/cot at home while nipping to the shops. I roll my eyes when anyone says "but what if something happens to you?", because if something did, then I'd be glad my kids were safely at home instead of having this hypothetical disaster happen to them as well.

• We moved the youngest into her own room at 9 weeks. (We used a breathing monitor for peace of mind.) Again, glad we did, it helped her become a great sleeper.

• The older one wakes up an hour or two before everyone else - and he gets up, goes downstairs and plays with toys by himself until we get up.

• We'll sometimes plonk them in front of a movie while we get something done elsewhere in the house, checking on them every once in a while. (They're always fine.)

My 10 month old can climb on the sofa and likes to run from one end to the other.

At first I used to run alongside in case they fell.

Now, I just leave them to it.

Just to add, my earliest memories (I know I was very small because of the house we were in) are of watching TV early in the morning on my own on the sofa while parents slept.

I don’t think this is a new or controversial thing.

LOL at tidying up being controversial

I fall on the other side though. Toys are left all night, if they are there. Usually kids tidy them themselves. Our house is usually quite messy, but als not dirty..mess I can deal with, dirt I cannot.

My controversial parenting thing not a tip is that I never encouraged dependency on certain objects. It drives me mad when I see appeals for lost toys on FB. Someone I know even contacted the local paper!
Things get lost sometimes. It sucks. But get over it.

Probably the most controversial thing I did (though not a tip at all) was putting DD into her own room at 2 weeks. She couldn't settle with us at all, was getting very ratty, noone was getting enough sleep due to this. So we tried her in her own room, and she settled herself immediately, and slept 10pm til 8! So there she stayed.

HV kept telling me to wake her up a few times to feed. I was like..fuck that..if shes hungry she will wake up! No way am I going to actively try to make it habit for her to wake multiple times per night..

@OuzoWoozo that's actually quite brilliant

My kids have TV’s in their rooms. They are allowed to watch a DVD at bed time, I set the sleep timer on the TV so that it switches off automatically when the film ends. There have never been any arguments about bed time, they are always happy to go and are usually asleep after 30 min. When the older two were younger we did stories/reading or bed time chat and then they got to pick their film for bed.

My eldest is 15 and since lockdown and no morning school runs we often sit together after the little ones are in bed and binge watch greys anatomy. She loves it! I think I probably love it more though

Youngest DD is 2 and I’m yet to put up a stair gate, though have recently moved to a 3 story house so one will be going on her bedroom door when he room is finished. For now though I watch her like a hawk, she’s into everything and has only one speed, ever since she could walk she will only run full pelt everywhere. DH rolls his eyes at me because I take the pillows off the sofa to cover all the sharp corners/other hazards around the room. I should probably just relax and let DC get on with it, but I’m terrified that she will seriously injure herself. For context my older DC were not like this, youngest it just an absolute whirlwind.

I make no mystery of alcohol and have always allowed them to sip/taste what I am drinking. Eldest is allowed the odd alcoholic drink when we are having a nice meal, at birthdays, parties, Xmas etc. DD2 is allowed to have a very small glass of something too. On New Year’s Eve & Christmas Eve I make them a Bailys diluted with milk. DH makes them snowballs on Christmas Day.

I had no idea showering with your kids was controversial - DS is 4 and DH and I have always washed with him! That said I think we are weird by lots of people's standards. Always co-slept with no intention of stopping; no one gets dressed into proper clothes unless we're going out somewhere (DS is mainly naked in the house); very laissez-faire re bedtimes and dirt; very much of the 'learn by natural consequences' school.

I think everyone just has different hills to die on though. My main one is kindness, but I am also pretty big on reading and exercise.

Those who say you don't punish your kids - how do you teach consequences? (Genuinely interested, not being snarky.)

@OuzoWoozo omg when I was younger if we stubbed our toe etc our parents would let us say one swear word 😂

Banana and packet of crisps is fine for lunch.

@bringincrazyback
Yes also intrigued to hear other opinions on this subject.
Punishment implies a negative or harmful outcome, whereas consequences suggest an outcome relevant to the action taken at the time.
I may not have explained it very well 😊

@1ForAllnAllFor1 😂😂 too funny love that.

LO noticed mine last time, he just paused for a moment then randomly decided to poked me below then continued playing with his bath toys. Just sheer curiousity and innocence.

I’m sure 90% of my parenting has been whisper-worthy in my community. The ones that seem to shock the most are:

No sweet treats bought or offered. No expectations of sweets as bribes, after meals, etc. They aren’t banned (birthday parties, etc) but aren’t ever offered. Yes to fruit, unsweetened yoghurt, unsweetened biscuits, etc.
My (now 9yo) DD was convinced for years that frozen peas were an exciting sweet treat. I learned that trick here on MN, it was a real winner!

Nothing happening in bedrooms except sleeping. Whenever it’s time to go to the bedroom, their kid body and minds relax automatically. Not so much if they play or do other things in there (like time outs). Also important to not let them cry for you (say, in a crib) in there, so they don’t associate the room with stress or loneliness. We used a monitor and ‘let them out’ as soon as they woke up. That one got me some serious side-eye, but I never had a sleep issue after 3 months, so it worked for me. Obviously harder in a smaller house, or if multiple people look after your kid.

Never utter an ultimatum you realistically can’t or won’t follow through on. I’ve shocked loads of family/friends/strangers by my serious commitment to follow through. One clear warning, then bam. Activity packed away or visit over or withdrawal of privileges. Kids now know that I mean what I say- with the good things as well as the bad. Most of the time they much prefer it to the wish-y wash-y ‘We’ll see’ or ‘Don’t make me ask again’ they see around.

On the more relaxed side, you’ll never hear me telling a kid to make a bed. I grew up in two families that were military around bed-making. Now I go with doonas, that are easy to pull up at bedtime and otherwise get thrown open in the morning to air. Still a joy to behold a rumpled (healthier) bed after all these years. I’m such a rebel

@mathanxiety Yes, ignoring tantrums is one of the tenets I’ve stuck to! I changed (or at least tried to) a lot of how I parented after they started at school and I realised most of what I was sticking to seemed designed to encourage behaviour that made life easier for the adults looking after the kids and what I wanted was to encourage behaviours that would be a benefit in their own adult lives. It’s hard, though, to balance encouraging them to be assertive with encouraging them to be respectful when they’re 5!

Your example is not controversial .. So heres one..
I spank my daughter quickly once on the bum when she really pisses me off and I believe it's less damaging and more effective than constantly putting her in time out and trying to talk through things.

I always try to say yes unless there’s a good reason to say no.

I don't punish my DC - ever. Natural consequences are the punishment.

My DC (3yo) has a TV in their room and it gets whacked on every morning which gives us an extra couple of hours in bed They also get a snack/breakfast and a drink in bed too.

@Colom
What are natural consequences?

If we're out and about and the kids ask for a chocolate bar I always say yes.

I always try to say yes unless there’s a good reason to say no.

^

Brilliant