To ask for your controversial parenting tips?!

[Napqueen1234]

No judgement here. I want to know what you do day to day that works for you/your family but others may think are a bit crazy or controversial.

Today I told a friend that every day when kids are in bed (3 and 1) I tidy the whole downstairs and put all toys away so I can have a completely toy/child free evening. we just have one living room so all their toys downstairs are there and I can’t relax unless it’s tidy. It takes maybe 5/10 mins and is so worth it. My friend was shocked and said she could never be bothered to do that every day (fair enough) and thought it was mad considering it gets immediately destroyed by 6:30 the next morning. I wouldn’t even consider not tidying but to each their own and wouldn’t matter to me if someone else didn’t!

Ok not particularly controversial but anyone else have anything more juicy??

My house wasn't childproofed at all. No stair gates and no locks on cupboards. I have a dog who I wouldn't let my DS be alone with so I could just teach him not to touch anything dangerous.

My DD is only 2 and lots of the things on here I dont think are at all controversial . I would imagine these things we do may be controversial to some people:

• DD cried and screamed all the time as a baby and frequently I was at the end of my tether (PND with suicidal thoughts etc) so would put her in her crib or pram for say 5-10 minutes and go in another room with the door closed and have a cry or a snack or do deep breathing. I would also sometimes just hold her or walk up and down the room and watch an episode of something on Netflix with the volume turned up insanely high so I could hear it over her screaming.
• Leaving her to cry for short periods of time at bed time/nap time/in the night. Probably max about 10/15 minutes.
• Trying to get her back to sleep with dummy in the night prior to offering food from her being around 3 or 4 weeks old. Would not have done this if she hadn't been gaining weight well and feeding overnight at other times just to be clear. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't.
• Ignoring her whilst shes having a screaming tantrum and going into another room away from her. I don't ignore her if she comes up to talk to me during it though of course.
• I feel that some of her eating habits are likely controversial for being too lax (e.g. she had cake as part of her breakfast this morning, but that's very rare). And on the other hand people probably thing other aspects are too strict - e.g. she often refused dinner and she is not usually offered anything else if she doesn't eat any, she will have her milk before bed and then have to wait til breakfast the next morning.
• Most of her washes is her having baths with her dad. He enjoys it and I don't really so rarely have a bath with her.
• Rarely (like, maybe 4 or 5 days a year) DD will be at nursery whilst probably two of those days me and DH will be having a nice day together, and the other days we will be deep cleaning/doing DIY etc.
• We didn't encourage or push tummy time when she was a baby as she hated it and learnt to roll onto her back early anyway.
• She watches a few hours of TV a day when she's not at nursery although this is only as a result of the lockdown as unable to take her to playgroups, swimming, soft play etc...

@saraclara they play in the bedroom?

I have also never baby proofed the house, DS went through a stage of messing around on the stairs so I let him fall - he used them properly after that
He has a phone, iPad and switch he can use whenever he wants.
Maybe twice a week I will read a bedtime story, if I can't be bothered I will put one on YouTube for him to watch.
I don't care if he swears, as long as it's in the correct context.
I will leave him to climb trees or throw himself down hills. He will learn pretty quickly how far he can go with things.
If he is hurt I don't go to him straight away. I laugh and ask if he is okay, 99/100 times he is over it after a hug.
I have a snack box in the cupboard and one in the fridge where DS helps himself. He will also get his own drink and put his own nappy in the bin in the morning while I'm asleep before waking me up to watch tv before breakfast.
As I baby he was mostly in the Moses basket, bouncer or play mat. I was never one of those mums who carried them around in a sling or on their hips. He was inside of me for 9 months I did not want him attached to me for another 2 years.
I let him use sharp knives to cut his carrots and cucumber.
DS does household chores. Makes his bed, puts the laundry on, wipes things down, hoovers and mops. He needs to learn how to run a house, as long as he can walk and use his hands he can help around the house.
No potty - straight to the toilet.
I actually follow through with threats. I absolutely will drag you home from a party kicking and screaming if you don't listen and behave properly. I refuse to have a badly behaved child.

[quote Alittlebitta]@saraclara they play in the bedroom?

I have also never baby proofed the house, DS went through a stage of messing around on the stairs so I let him fall - he used them properly after that
He has a phone, iPad and switch he can use whenever he wants.
Maybe twice a week I will read a bedtime story, if I can't be bothered I will put one on YouTube for him to watch.
I don't care if he swears, as long as it's in the correct context.
I will leave him to climb trees or throw himself down hills. He will learn pretty quickly how far he can go with things.
If he is hurt I don't go to him straight away. I laugh and ask if he is okay, 99/100 times he is over it after a hug.
I have a snack box in the cupboard and one in the fridge where DS helps himself. He will also get his own drink and put his own nappy in the bin in the morning while I'm asleep before waking me up to watch tv before breakfast.
As I baby he was mostly in the Moses basket, bouncer or play mat. I was never one of those mums who carried them around in a sling or on their hips. He was inside of me for 9 months I did not want him attached to me for another 2 years.
I let him use sharp knives to cut his carrots and cucumber.
DS does household chores. Makes his bed, puts the laundry on, wipes things down, hoovers and mops. He needs to learn how to run a house, as long as he can walk and use his hands he can help around the house.
No potty - straight to the toilet.
I actually follow through with threats. I absolutely will drag you home from a party kicking and screaming if you don't listen and behave properly. I refuse to have a badly behaved child.
[/quote]
You will raise extremely well adjusted children, Alittlebitta 👍
People who aren't a pain in the arse to have around.

This sounds weird, but Reading this has made me emotional. I beat myself up ALL the time about how my children haven't got the best life because I'm on my own and I pay extortionate rent so very difficult to save. I'm constantly worried about the judgements people make about my children and me. So much pressure. I mean, I feel the pressure, it doesn't always translate into action, but it's still there. But we're all just trying our best. And it's okay to keep time and space to myself!

I read to my sons every night, and then recite The Owl And The Pussycat to each in their own bed. They're having more screen time on Switches just now so I can work 🙈, but usually 1 hour in morning and a couple in the evening. No tips as such, but we walk every day, and they have some say on where and their day.

FirTree, reading to your children is probably the most important thing you can do for them, (apart from feeding them, of course ), the benefits are almost unquantifiable.
You're doing that. They'll be grand.

My 5 & 2 yr old are waking at 5am at the moment. The 2 year old (he’s nearly 3) goes into the 5 (nearly 6) yr old room and they watch CBeebies on the iPad.

I remember an older thread with someone saying they thought this behaviour was sad and I think “I don’t care. I’m not starting my day at 5am”.

Mine is I'm not a morning person so barely speak or function first thing. When DD was a baby she had a feed about 5.30am when DH got up for work them we would happily stay in bed until 10am. Not sure if she inherited my night owl personality or was conditioned that way. She's 14 now and we go to bed late and get up late.
My mum was obsessed with should be in bed by 7pm when she was younger, why would I want her to get up early.
It's same now. It makes no different to me if she does her online school afternoon and evening but I've had weeks of my mum calling and seeming suprised DD is still in bed at 11am.

Oh and the 2 yr old is potty training. I let him wee in the garden if they are playing out there.

[Puts hard hat and respirator on]

Let DS1, early teens, make smoke grenades and set them off in the incinerator in the back garden. (I did do a fair bit of reading about them first and set safety rules, which he followed to the letter!). He had great fun and is now loving A-Level chemistry.

God, that's fabulous!

I'm a toy minimalist. Kids don't need a lot of stuff, and it shouldn't take over your home. We have a relatively small toy box in the living room, and when it's full we can't bring any more toys into the house. I don't buy toys through the year other than birthdays and Christmas, and I regularly weed out toys that aren't played with - some go to the grandparents' house, some to nursery/the charity shop. We don't have space for a playroom, and I don't like the consumerist culture that pushes new toys on children constantly.

FleurDaxeny

A sip of alcohol normalises and it is not a mystery. Ie in the med they do the same. Kids grow up knowing not to misuse alcohol and that it has its place for certain mealtimes and or special occasions.

Not quite sure how you can't understand that?

@SisyphusDad

Oh, your post with the grenades reminded of the mischief my son and late brother used to get up to. Bro lived well out in the country (didn’t have any DC) and Ds loved visiting... no wonder... they made ‘bombs’... made huge bonfires, set off fireworks, learnt about trees, wildlife, nature etc, rode a motorbike across fields in the mud, went shooting rats, made (and drank) home brew and lived off takeaways and ‘wild food’...
I used to send Ds off with a weeks clean clothes, instructions about what and wasn’t ok to do etc
He came home a week later... in the same clothes, stinking to high heaven, smoke-stained, mud-encrusted and beyond filthy!!!
With the most hair-raising stories, and had obvs had the time of his life.
Thank goodness I let them carry on, we lost my lovely brother aged 44, and 20 years on, Ds still talks about the fun they had together.
Sometimes a bit of rule-breaking makes for a whole lot of fun.

@Napqueen1234

Nostalgic . They must be good memories.

@FirTree31 I’m glad the thread has had that effect it has for me too! Also now at my terrible controversy which is clearly completely normal. But pp have given me the confidence that I don’t need to be helicopter parent as so many of my friends are (I am safe but happy to let children experience consequences too!) and that’s fine.

A water pistol is a handy tool to get older DC/teens up in the morning. I ask once nicely, twice more forcefully, third time is a blast to the head. Saves me having to shout and my blood pressure going up. Sometimes I’ll put warm water in it if I’m feeling charitable . Can you believe I have to do it quite often .

Youngest DC (doesn’t get squirted yet as that starts at secondary school age normally) has a bit of an obsession with fire at the moment so we’ll let him make a small fire in the bbq and burn sticks, paper, toast marshmallows, etc. He’s actually very careful.

@OuzoWoozo

I love that.

@Alittlebitta At one time, most well to do houses were like that. Nursery with toys upstairs, parent space downstairs.
Your HV was rather out of order judging you.

I guess most people worry their house is too untidy when the HV calls round.

Though DS has toys here there and everywhere, I regularly ask him to tidy them up to his room - maybe just a couple downstairs. We live in a smallish flat and his room is the biggest in the house so I don't think its mean. We all need the space to work and live.

I give my 1 & 3 year olds iPad's and phones. They're smart, good kids but sometimes I need a break and it holds their attention long enough for me to get some things done.

I also co-sleep with my youngest and have been since she was 5 months old.

Youngest is now 19 months old and I still breastfeed her on demand. For some reason some people view this as controversial even though it's totally natural and normal.

I'm the opposite of a helicopter parent.

Best tip I got given (not controversial but it moulded my parenting), was that kids are a mini "you".
Remember that.
How often do you go to bed the same time everyday or wake up.
How often are you in a good/bad mood
How often do you just not fancy something for dinner, or crave something else.
How often can you not be bothered and just want to snack all day

Your kids are exactly the same.

I never thought keeping toys in the bed room only would be such a controversial topic. Always thought that was a given as it is pretty much how I grew up or the kids I have looked after were instructed. Maybe one toy in the living room if I was playing with it in front of the tv but it had to go back once I was done

@MeadowHay God that reminded me of when DS was a baby. I used to put him safe in his cot and go and cry on the stairs outside on the landing of the flat. He cried and cried (colic that went on for 6 months then teething) and slept badly. Sometimes you have to protect your own sanity and have a safety valve. I never would have hurt him but my nerves were shattered. DM also had a kid like this - my now calm and sensible younger sister - she was a screamer for no apparent reason. DM did similar - put a record on and sang along at top volume to drown out the crying. She was a brilliant mum and loved babies/small children but later said if sister had been child number one she would not have had any more!

I save the left over milk in the children’s breakfast bowl - and put it in DP’s tea?

DS almost 10 and sleeps in our room.
He has SEN and won't sleep alone.

Me and DH have been platonic for years so don't worry, DS doesn't see anything he might not want to!

I’ve substituted an afternoon in the paddling pool for a bath