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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for your controversial parenting tips?!

386 replies

Napqueen1234 · 17/06/2020 19:32

No judgement here. I want to know what you do day to day that works for you/your family but others may think are a bit crazy or controversial.

Today I told a friend that every day when kids are in bed (3 and 1) I tidy the whole downstairs and put all toys away so I can have a completely toy/child free evening. we just have one living room so all their toys downstairs are there and I can’t relax unless it’s tidy. It takes maybe 5/10 mins and is so worth it. My friend was shocked and said she could never be bothered to do that every day (fair enough) and thought it was mad considering it gets immediately destroyed by 6:30 the next morning. I wouldn’t even consider not tidying but to each their own and wouldn’t matter to me if someone else didn’t!

Ok not particularly controversial but anyone else have anything more juicy??

OP posts:
Kaathesnake · 17/06/2020 22:35

Ooh.. forgot this one - when ds was a small baby and got niggly, I used to pop him in the bath. He loved it and the niggles disappeared! We either carried on with his day or went for a nap - so ‘win win’ I would get in with him now & again so we both had a wash and a play!

turnthebiglightoff · 17/06/2020 22:39

@Taswama awesome tip; will be employing this with my husband as of tomorrow!

Jellycatspyjamas · 17/06/2020 22:43

I fine my 13 year old for not doing his jobs after being asked repeatedly and I (or DP) end up doing it. Eg 50p for not taking the recycling out.
I also charge a 'finders fee' if he can't find something and I find it really quickly as he's not looked properly.

I’m so stealing this.

LordOftheRingz · 17/06/2020 22:46

letting my children wear nothing but babygros until they were about 6 months old, out or in.

MumMum12 · 17/06/2020 22:55

This might be controversial but i put toddler in the shower with me.

I remember having the opinion that it was quite an weird thing to do but I only started doing this a few weeks ago after reading something on here actually.

I regret not doing this earlier, it's just made life that little bit easier and gives me a little more time to do other things. It's not everyday just whenever Im short of time.

It was never weird or odd for LO, he was more excited that he was splashing me with water.
I also breastfed LO till 2 and he remembers this so he's ok with seeing me exposed.

I don't intend on doing it forever probably till next birthday. If you've not tried it seriously it's the sweetest most natural thing a mum can do.

Oxfordnono12 · 17/06/2020 22:55

My kids have a play room. It must be tidy before they go to bed. They need to make their own bed (obviously little ones get help) in the mornings. My 10 and 12 year have chores. If they really want something they save for it half, we pay the other half. I dont buy them birthday presents, I throw them a party or do something reallyfun. I have 4 kids. Few people have said I'm mean but I dont care!

EssentialHummus · 17/06/2020 22:59

I think the "just let them roll in mud 'til they're 7, it's so Scandinavian" approach hides a lot of shit parenting/childcare. Mine does plenty of that at 2.5, but I also insist (yep) on things like reading together, letters, counting etc.

Also this with giant fucking bells on:

Mine is if you give your child a consequence (such as "we're going home if you don't stop shouting" or "you won't have an icecream if you don't stop doing x irritating/dangerous thing") then you follow it through. Don't know why so many parents seem to have problems with this.

Either do it or don't threaten. Not difficult.

1ForAllnAllFor1 · 17/06/2020 23:01

My kids like staying naked all day during lockdown. So I have them roaming around in nappies or just a vest and less laundry for me.

Unless we are going out for the day.

Controversial but they only get to do that when they’re little so goood on them being clothes free ! Our flat is warm

OrangeCinnamon · 17/06/2020 23:02

When Dd was a baby and I couldn't breastfeed we discovered she could be fed with an unwarmed bottle of formula milk to stop her screaming I think there was something similar in the book the Baby Whisperer. We also decided she was 'spirited' so didnt bother.enforcing early bed times...it was quite nice to.have her around in the evenings.

Used to just let her play with her toys in our bedroom whilst we snoozed on Sunday mornings

macaroniandpizza · 17/06/2020 23:07

jesusinthecabbagevan ds and i do the same as we do not have space for a dining table in our small living room so i compromise and he has a wee table tray with legs and i have my lap tray

1ForAllnAllFor1 · 17/06/2020 23:08

MumMum12

Yup birth my kids are in the shower either with me or their dad. They’re a baby and a toddler and this is their main hygiene routine.

I don’t think it’s weird. I wonder why no one else does it. It’s the only way I get to shower and enjoy it honestly.

I think I too am comfortable because he still breastfeeds at 2.5 years and so just thinks of food when he sees me.

BankofNook · 17/06/2020 23:11

One thing this thread shows is that there are many valid ways to parent and they all have more or less the same end result.

Historydweeb · 17/06/2020 23:13

Just enough dysfunction to make them funny. No more, no less.

LakieLady · 17/06/2020 23:16

I potty trained my DD with chocolate coins. She got a chocolate coin for every success in the potty. She was very quick to potty trained

That's the same principle as I use when housetraining puppies, but they get a little bit of chicken or sausage instead of chocolate. Grin

This isn't my tip, but many years a single parent friend pointed out as the child benefit for her two (challenging) boys was exactly the same amount as a bottle of Scotch and a quarter of blow, this was clearly what it was intended for.

if a couple of joints and a large whisky once they were in bed was what kept her going through a very difficult time, who was I to judge?

merryhouse · 17/06/2020 23:18

@MumMum12 I used to shower with the toddler after swimming. It did lead to the classic line "Mummy's penis is bwo-ten"...

Ragwort · 17/06/2020 23:20

Thought of something else, I still make (a cooked) breakfast for my 19 year old DS, of course he can make his own, he is perfectly capable of doing it at Uni, but if we are both at home & I am not busy it's just a nice thing to do for someone .

Bestbe · 17/06/2020 23:20

When it was very cold one winter and toddler kept pulling off her gloves then crying because her hands were cold I put her gloves on and used gaffer tape to tape them to her jumper. Then I put her coat on. And didn’t cry and kept them on.
Is that bad? It wasn’t on her skin just her top.

OutComeTheWolves · 17/06/2020 23:21

Really low standards and ignore any judgement or unwanted help from others.

Dairymilkmuncher · 17/06/2020 23:22

@Bestbe I did the same when my little one had hand foot and mouth and we needed to go out. Totally forgot about it

Griefmonster · 17/06/2020 23:23

I don't care about swearing.

No punishments for bad bevhaviour or rewards for good.

Thinkpinkstink · 17/06/2020 23:24

I try my best to be rational, reasonable, talk to her own her own level and explain my decisions, but the only way I get any type of compliance is a heady mixture of threats and bribery.

SpillTheTeaa · 17/06/2020 23:28

The TV is sometimes on when we eat dinner because it's the only way DC will eat on some days. It really bothered me at first but bellies are full and I let it slip because it isn't all the time and I'd rather see DC fed and have one less tantrum.

Thinkpinkstink · 17/06/2020 23:31

@alittlelower ah just read back to your post, I think we might be writing the same book!

JudyGemstone · 17/06/2020 23:35

I'm also a bit of a Disney mum, kids dad and I are divorced and have them 50/50, he tends to be more the parent with his eye on the ball re school etc whereas I'm more about fun and relaxing.

I also:
turned a blind eye to my older teen and his friends smoking weed in my garden once or twice.
Buy said teen fruity cider occasionally if we're having a bbq or something.
Allow younger teen small amounts of booze on occasion.
Watch horror films with younger teen (with consideration to content).
Don't limit screen time generally but especially not throughout lockdown.

BogRollBOGOF · 17/06/2020 23:36

I accept that I have night owls.
Just as well as when I worked, we weren't in before 6pm and then they were ravenous following tea at 4pm so it was around 8pm when they went to bed. The plus side is that they have had no issues with extra curriculars and they are flexible on holidays. They get the sleep they need, just on a later shift than average.
DM seems to think that they have no bedtime routine. We do. It's just later than the ficticioysly golden 7pm that too many people get their knickers in a twist over. (I'm not sayng it's a bad thing if it works for natural larks, just there is nothing special and virtuous about 7pm).

Ignoring my 9yo when he's on one of those moods. He now has a diagnosis of ASD. There's little point in interracting when he melts down. Best to just ensure he's safe and let him blow it out. Then talk about it or deal with consequences when he is rational again. His diagnosis was liberating. I no longer have to care about what other people think about his behaviour.