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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that actually, there probably is a paedophile on every corner?

367 replies

MrsToadofToadHall · 17/06/2020 12:59

When I first became a parent, back in the 2000s, I tended to think that some other parents were quite irrational about their fears regarding paedophiles. There seemed to be quite a lot of hysteria about child abductions whipped up in the tabloids, quite a few of the mums I knew looked very suspiciously on men who worked or volunteered with children, and I tended to think that although paedophiles unfortunately existed, they were in the minority and we shouldn't raise our children to be suspicious of every man just because he was a man, nor should we limit their independence due to fear of something that was very unlikely to happen. I suppose I was a bit "cool mum" and proud of my ability to rationalise and see through hysteria

In recent years, I've come to think that I was wrong. So many famous and prominent people have been exposed as having abused children and teenagers. Although I have always supported a certain level of sex ed in schools, elements of this have gone beyond a level I'm comfortable with. It seems to me to be more acceptable to expose children to sexual/adult issues at an earlier age. As well as this, recent revelations in my own fairly small community have caused me to reconsider - a teenager who abused younger relatives, it was brought to the attention of police and SS but in the end, all that could be done was refer him for optional counselling. Three or four men have been found out as they attempted to groom very young girls, some primary aged, via social media. Friends have also confided in me regarding their own childhood abuse. I know most of these men, and while I realise that abusers don't come with a big sticker on their forehead, most of them really were spectacularly ordinary and had wives and children

Obviously I still realise that the vast majority of men are fine, but my point is, I thought paedophiles were a few lone individuals, and now it seems there are far more of them about than I ever would have realised.

Does that make sense? Confused

OP posts:
TheQueef · 18/06/2020 10:34

This thread is an eye opener.
So many survivors of CSA with the same experience.

One thing I don't understand is how they identify victims. If you were abused as a child it's like a secret mark is left on you, abusers home in for the rest of your life.
CSA changes your path in life, you will always be a victim and victimised. Like the seal is broken.

User1775836552 · 18/06/2020 10:34

When I was 15 I had a year long relationship with a 25 year old, would that be classed as CSA?

User1775836552 · 18/06/2020 10:36

Although he’d never had young girlfriends before and hasn’t since as far as I know. I did look a lot older than my age. I left him just before my 16th birthday. Does that still make him a sex offender?

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 18/06/2020 10:37

YANBU,you only have to look at the numbers of children being abused to know they must be everywhere.

UnagiSalmonSkinRoll · 18/06/2020 10:45

I remember watching a documentary and this group came up a d it shocked me that this was ever allowed
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paedophile_Information_Exchange

RosieLancs · 18/06/2020 10:47

In the past I've worked for the probation service and social services, the amount of convicted and suspected (as in there is a lot of evidence but CPS chose not to prosecute or court case failed) paedophiles is scary.
They really are everywhere, no town or socioeconomic group is spared.

Particularly concentrated areas include Blackpool and other run down seaside resorts as the empty b&bs are used to house offenders recently released from prison.
I used to work in Lancashire and I would never consider a family holiday to Blackpool, there are hotels full of offenders (not all offences against children though) right next door to family friendly ones.

It is one of those things that will drive you crazy if you think about it too much.
Teach your children to be safe and be cautious amongst people trying to ingratiate themselves with your household.
Don't ignore red flags and please always believe your child until there is evidence to the contrary.
The amount of cases I've seen where 'mum' knew but chose to ignore / explain away is sickening.

PinkMonkeyBird · 18/06/2020 10:48

@User1775836552

Yes, he was a paedophile. You were a child and he was an adult.

TheQueef · 18/06/2020 10:54

[quote PinkMonkeyBird]@User1775836552

Yes, he was a paedophile. You were a child and he was an adult.[/quote]
I think paedophiles are attracted to prepubescent children, after puberty it's child abuse still but not paedophilia.

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 18/06/2020 10:59

@User1775836552 yes because you were under the legal age of consent.

ThunderRocket · 18/06/2020 11:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

endofthelinefinally · 18/06/2020 11:06

Paedophile Information Exchange is PIE.
They still exist, calling themselves MAP - Minor Attracted Persons. They even managed to persuade Harriet Harman to support them back in the 80s, I think it was. they are very intelligent, manipulative people.
As I mentioned before, they manage to pop up on TV and radio frequently and asked for their opinions.
They call themselves Human Rights Activists these days.
I can only think they get away with it because they know a lot about certain people.
I am not mentioning any names because that wouldn't be fair on MN.

Mimishimi · 18/06/2020 11:10

YANBU

NewName89 · 18/06/2020 11:15

Yes you're right, OP. I was abused by my mum's younger brother at the age of 6. I have never told anyone outside of helplines and internet forums and never will. The man is a fucking saint in my family. He's funny, he's charming, I have times when I doubt my own memories. I'm also from a different country where this kind of thing is not taken seriously and family shame is a serious matter. So no, I'll never say anything. No one would believe me and all I would achieve is to pointlessly get myself ostracized myself from the family. So there's one paedo that will never be discovered. And when I have kids, I will be extra vigilant, never leave in them in the sole care of anyone especially males. Grandpa, uncle, great uncle, no one gets to babysit except for very short periods of time and only with their wives present. If I'll never say this of course and it's easy to achieve as I have emmigrated, I know better than to make myself appear as a mad woman.

rayoflightboy · 18/06/2020 11:25

What are the stats that a pedo is on this page right now.

User1775836552 · 18/06/2020 11:27

Do you think there are genuinely paedophile rings high up in government, the police etc or is that just conspiracy theory territory?

FluffyKittensinabasket · 18/06/2020 11:28

I read that 20% of men are abusive. There’s another post on AIBU about how much do you love your husband? Yet one in five of their husbands are probably child abusers.

starray · 18/06/2020 11:29

@LiterallyProblematic

I’ve seen some relationship and sex education for schools which is horrifying! There was one which had a dice with different body parts on the dice (mouth/vulva/anus etc) and children were expected to discuss what could be done to that body part during sex.
!!!! I hope the parents complained!
whattimeisitrightnow · 18/06/2020 11:40

@FluffyKittensinabasket
There are even people on this thread saying "I don't trust anyone except my DP/DH" which I do understand, and is a good starting point, but what happens when the father is the problem? What happens if a child comes forward and says that their dad has been hurting them? You would hope that the mother would put the child first, but obviously that often does not happen.

You see it on MN sometimes: threads where the child has disclosed abuse (not necessarily sexual) by the father/stepfather and the poster is doubting it. When a child tells you they are being harmed, you call social services and/or the police and you get the child as far away from the alleged abuser as possible. You take it seriously. You can doubt later on, if you have to.

FluffyKittensinabasket · 18/06/2020 11:42

I don’t think anybody, male or female can be trusted.

megletthesecond · 18/06/2020 11:45

And on the other holiday camp thread people are suggesting getting an older teen or student for childcare in the summer months Hmm.

ThunderRocket · 18/06/2020 11:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

endofthelinefinally · 18/06/2020 11:55

I would say yes, it goes all the way to the top in all circles.
You only need to look at what is going on in schools now, all sanctioned by government. It is grooming on a massive scale.
The "game" mentioned earlier is only the tip of a very large iceberg.

endofthelinefinally · 18/06/2020 12:02

There is a current thread discussing the "education pack" currently being distributed by ASDA. Just another example.

whattimeisitrightnow · 18/06/2020 12:05

@ThunderRocket Exactly. The 'safe' people are often the ones who have simply learned to play the game well, to appear normal and charming in order to groom those around them. As you say, anybody can be an abuser - this needs to be understood.

Soozikinzii · 18/06/2020 12:09

YANBU unfortunately the internet has really set them up to organise themselves and validate each other . People like rock stars who've turned out to be pedophiles and so on as well as in the local area . It's scarily common .