Kids on adult holiday!

[barbadosbound]

Name changed for this as it's a bit outing!

So dh is 10 years older than me which means his group of friends are all older and therefore their kids are older!

Dh has just spoken to one of his friends and they are organising a big holiday for early 2022 in a villa and have invited us to go along with 5 other couples. Dh has said that we would love to but wouldn't be able to leave the kids behind (they will be 9 & 14), we don't have anyone to leave them with and judge me or not but I wouldn't want to leave them for 10 days. We just about get a babysitter for a night out!!

His mate said he is sure it's fine to take them but will ask the rest of the group but aibu to just say no now?

6 couples no kids and we want to throw an 9 and 14 year old into the mix? Surely they will now feel obliged to say yes but secretly they will all be a bit pissed off that we are changing the whole dynamic of their amazing holiday?

Would you be pissed off at two kids coming along? Would it not turn it into a very different holiday?!

So aibu to say no even if they say it's fine? Dh says if they say yes then we should go...

@Devlesko that's fair enough. As someone who is under 30, the idea of a club 18-30 holiday would literally be my worst nightmare I think I also agree 10 days is a bit much for 6 couples under one roof.

@barbadosbound I think you're right , as lovely as people think their own kids are, I wouldnt pay to go on a holiday where I was having to make conversation with kids about their GCSE options or what they're doing on Minecraft ect

His mate said he is sure it's fine to take them but will ask the rest of the group but aibu to just say no now?

His mate is as dense as your DH!

the idea of a club 18-30 holiday would literally be my worst nightmare

God I remember going on one of these when I was 19. It was absolutely terrible. The hotel, if you can even call it that, was an absolute dump and I ended up getting so poorly after the 2nd day and staying in my room vomitting for the rest of the holiday whilst my mates went out on the piss 😂 ahhh not so fond memories.

I wouldn't want you to take the kids.

also agree - is this really the best holiday to take your kids on? I take mine on holidays with lots of other kids so I can relax!

I'd be annoyed but it would be hard to say no.

I agree with you OP.

To the people saying that you should go just go a weekend, I’m guessing from the OP’s user name of @barbadosbound which she says she has changed for this thread that the holiday is to Barbados and therefore if she is in the UK it isn’t practical to go there just for a weekend.

Thank you for all of the replies I went out for a couple of hours and came back to loads!

@EarlGreyT is right it is Barbados so definitely not possible to go for a few days.

I've been thinking and reading your replies and I think I'll talk to dh later and just get him to say that we won't come along this time. It won't be fair on the other people and I know I would be on edge wondering if my kids were irritating people because they bloody irritate me sometimes!! I would also feel really uncomfortable wondering if that people had said that they don't mind the kids coming when secretly they were wishing we weren't going, that would really stress me out!

Must admit I'm nervous as well about the dynamics of a big group holiday without kids as I've never done that before!

Thanks for all of the nice comments as well about how nice and considerate I am, that's very unlike AIBU

No Barbados for us but I'm sure we will get somewhere as a family.

Just because he's 10 years older and the friends are a similar age doesn't automatically mean their kids are older - however you know these people so it probably is that they are older (my father in law has kids younger than his eldest 3 grandchildren)

I wouldn't take them on an otherwise adults holiday though it would change the dynamic

@freefromdinomeat Ah that sounds terrible! Think ive always been too old for those kind of holidays

Would it be possible to go at the same time and stay in your own place nearby? That way you can meet up a bit, but you won’t have to worry about changing the dynamic of the whole holiday. It probably wouldn’t be as claustrophobic either! You could even see if there were hotels that did whatever the teenage equivalent of babysitting is (supervised activities etc) so you could get out to see your friends as a couple on your own for a few hours. Might be expensive though.

@iolaus They are all older and will be staying at home either by themselves or with family.

Could you not book something very close to the villa they are staying in ?

Anyone else reminded about the poster who wanted to take her husband and baby on a Hen weekend ? Unlike this poster she couldn’t see anything wrong with it !
You sound very considerate OP to decide against it but why not get a villa close by as others have suggested ? You can then escape if things get too tricky but still have time with friends.

I wouldn’t get a villa or anything. It’s an adult holiday for adult stuff...adult pastimes, adult conversations and adult drinking etc.
There’s no room for kids on that holiday.

I wouldn't want children on an adults only holiday. As many pp said, totally changes the dynamic.

Think op instincts spot on.

Also when we on holiday with kids that age we like to focus on them. I know if other adults there I wouldn’t and they enjoy our evening card games etc. Group holidays are fun but not one like that.