Kids on adult holiday!

[barbadosbound]

Name changed for this as it's a bit outing!

So dh is 10 years older than me which means his group of friends are all older and therefore their kids are older!

Dh has just spoken to one of his friends and they are organising a big holiday for early 2022 in a villa and have invited us to go along with 5 other couples. Dh has said that we would love to but wouldn't be able to leave the kids behind (they will be 9 & 14), we don't have anyone to leave them with and judge me or not but I wouldn't want to leave them for 10 days. We just about get a babysitter for a night out!!

His mate said he is sure it's fine to take them but will ask the rest of the group but aibu to just say no now?

6 couples no kids and we want to throw an 9 and 14 year old into the mix? Surely they will now feel obliged to say yes but secretly they will all be a bit pissed off that we are changing the whole dynamic of their amazing holiday?

Would you be pissed off at two kids coming along? Would it not turn it into a very different holiday?!

So aibu to say no even if they say it's fine? Dh says if they say yes then we should go...

[LimitIsUp]

I wouldn't care if the kids came along - they are not my kids and I am not responsible for them so unless they are uber noisy and feral (I am sure they are not) then they wouldn't impinge upon my holiday

[Gatehouse77]

If we couldn't do it child free I'd back away gracefully.

[barbadosbound]

They'll say yes, because they will feel mean not to. They may even mean it. I'd say yes. But I'd be lying. The 14 year old will be bored stiff and the 9 year old will need entertaining. Neither of which is a criticism of your kids*

Yes this is all of my thinking!!

[Lauren83]

I have 2 kids and I would defo not do this no matter how many times they said you were welcome to

[RigaBalsam]

14 year old you could probably get away with but 9 is too young and would change the dynamic.

[Camomila]

I'd be fine with it but I'm not a big drinker/party-goer.
I like going for walks/swimming in the sea/visiting museums - all stuff you can do with a 9 and 14 year old along.

[viques]

I would hate someone's kids coming on a villa type holiday like the one proposed. I like for example to lounge about by the pool, going in for a dip, lounging, dipping lounging, dipping etc. I would hate to be sitting by a pool where kids are leaping about, playing Marco polo, whacking inflatables about and doing all the noisy splashy stuff that kids like doing in a pool.

I think you sound like a very thoughtful friend to consider other people's needs.

[Justmuddlingalong]

I think the idea will fizzle out because as you say, it would be a totally different holiday to the one suggested.

[sunrainwind]

You know your children best but I'd have been neither bored not needed loads of entertaining at those ages - as long as there was a pool. Nothing to stop you still going out separately during some days still to do things more suitable for them and still enjoying the evenings together.

[ErickBroch]

Personally I think you are being great by standing down from it. It would completely change dynamic. No one will want to say no as it's rude but obviously people would prefer if it was adults only. Hope you can all go on a family holiday instead!

[starfish4]

I guess it depends on what sort of holidays they'll be having and if you're children can fit in with whatever in the evening (ie if you're all out, can they stay up late). If there's lots of drinking going on one evening, are you happy with that.

A flexible arrangement might work, ie you spend 80% with your friends, but a couple of days and evening you spend with your children.

[FunTimes2020]

Your friends know you have young children. Surely when you were invited, they didn't just assume you would/cou!d palm them off for 10 days. And why should you?

[Crockodoodle]

I'm of an age now where we have started to do couples holidays and children ruin it. In a hotel it's passable as other children are around but in a villa it's dreadful. I don't want to talk to someone else's kid, I want to chat to my friends about anything and everything. The 14 year old is worse as it's that age where not a kid nor an adult so often like to hang around.

[SockYarn]

Id speak to the rest of the group and make it SUPER clear if they don’t want your kids there because it changes the dynamic then it’s absolutely ok

But that's not going to work. Because whatever the rest of the group think, when put on the spot by a parent of course they're not going to be as rude to say they don't want to be on holiday with your kids. They will say of course it's fine and won't it be lovely, then bitch about the parents with kids behind their backs. Especially if it's older couples who have done their 20 years or whatever of holdiaying with children and now want some adult-only time.

At least the OP has the self-awareness to realise it won't work. Just tell them that you won't be joining them this time, hope they have a lovely holiday and maybe next time you will be able to go too.

[BluebellForest836]

I wouldn’t want your kids at a adult only thing either.

I mean that in a nice way too, it just changes everything.
9 year old will want to join in all the time (I know mine would) and the 14 year old will be bored.

[FortunesFave]

APominOz kids are not part of the parcel!

Not once your kids have grown up they're bloody not!

I don't want to spend my holiday being careful what I say because someone's 9 year old is there! Doesn't mean I'm a "horny 18 year old" either!

[FortunesFave]

Just say no OP. Say that you really appreciate the offer but you don't want to impede on everyone's fun with kids in the mix. Let them know you'll be there when the kids are a bit bigger.

[minipie]

No, they won’t really want your kids there, even if they say so out of politeness.

In your shoes I would try to find a friend each child could stay with for 2/3 nights and join the holiday for that long. IMO 10 nights could be a bit too much anyway unless they are all really really good friends.

[FleurDaxeny]

Depends on the friends and the group.

When parents are truly in charge of their own children and there's no impact on the rest of the group, children never bothered me and mine have been welcome in many weekends where they were the only ones.
There has been many repeat invitations, so I am pretty sure my kids were never a nuisance

I don't put my kids to bed at 6pm at the best of time, and they are obviously allowed to stay up as long as they want on such weekends, so there's no ridiculous expectation of silence because someone thinks of the children
You wouldn't stop a wedding early because you have a kid, so it's the same for a holiday.

Some parents are a nightmare though, but you sound very thoughtful OP. If you are not comfortable, of course you don't have to.

[BluebellForest836]

Could someone have the kids for a couple of nights and you both go for the weekend?

[stellabelle]

I can't imagine anything worse than holidaying with five other couples - I'd rather spend my holiday money taking my kids away somewhere nice that we'd all enjoy.

[PlatoAteMySnozcumber]

They’re lovely friends if they politely agree and you are are lovely friend for politely declining on the basis that irrespective of your kind offer, you are certain it would change the dynamic and it wouldn’t be fair.

[BetteDavisWeLuvU]

We’ve done them in the UK OP 3 nights is certainly enough, we did 5 nights once and tensions frayed a little. I think prachuting (not literally) in at the start for 2-3 nights sans kids at the start before everyone starts hating each other is ideal 😁😆

[thecatsthecats]

For any holiday of a group that size for 10 days, I'd want to know what the 'ground rules' for the holiday was anyway, kids or no kids.

Are there loads of different things for people to pick and choose from or would it be claustrophobic?

(Our group mooted the idea of a holiday that size. It was nixed pretty quickly after this exchange:

Me: How would it work? All of us doing the same things, or just meet ups?
The bossiest, pushiest, sulkiest man: We'd need to do things together or there'd be no point. We could get together at 9 every day for one attraction then split off in the afternoon...

... at which point it immediately became obvious that it would be his way or the highway, and everyone quietly dropped the idea!)

[LinemanForTheCounty]

Agree that if put on the spot most people wouldn't say outright that they don't want your kids there because it makes them sound rude, so I wouldn't place the friends in such a position. I'd just say that it's lovely to be invited and even lovelier that they've extended the invitation to your children but on balance it wouldn't work, hope they all have a great time and look forward to hearing about it later.