Kids on adult holiday!

[barbadosbound]

Name changed for this as it's a bit outing!

So dh is 10 years older than me which means his group of friends are all older and therefore their kids are older!

Dh has just spoken to one of his friends and they are organising a big holiday for early 2022 in a villa and have invited us to go along with 5 other couples. Dh has said that we would love to but wouldn't be able to leave the kids behind (they will be 9 & 14), we don't have anyone to leave them with and judge me or not but I wouldn't want to leave them for 10 days. We just about get a babysitter for a night out!!

His mate said he is sure it's fine to take them but will ask the rest of the group but aibu to just say no now?

6 couples no kids and we want to throw an 9 and 14 year old into the mix? Surely they will now feel obliged to say yes but secretly they will all be a bit pissed off that we are changing the whole dynamic of their amazing holiday?

Would you be pissed off at two kids coming along? Would it not turn it into a very different holiday?!

So aibu to say no even if they say it's fine? Dh says if they say yes then we should go...

[ThighThighofthigh]

Tbh the whole thing sounds awful! A weekend in a UK cottage with 5 other couples maybe but 10 days - nope.

Also, yes I wouldn't want other people's kids there unless they were well into their 20s.

I'd rather go on holiday with just my own family. Or alone

[wendywoopywoo222]

Six couples in one villa is a recipe for disaster. However if I could book my own villa and holiday with freinds ( who didn't want to do everything together) I wouldn't have a problem with some couples having kids with them.

[FurbabyLife]

Kids are an absolute no no. Whenever my husband and I go on holiday now we book a private villa and pool for the sole reason of staying as far away as possible from children.

[MrsAvocet]

I wouldn't take children on a holiday like that.
In fact I wouldn't go on a holiday like that and would be delighted to have the excuse of children to avoid it, but that's not the point.
If the other couples have children and haven't taken them, they will resent yours being there. If they don't have children, they probably won't relish the idea of having kids on their holiday. You will be walking on eggshells for the whole holiday, trying to make sure your children don't disrupt things and the children themselves are likely to be bored on a holiday with a load of adults, especially if they don't know them well. I think you are right that it might be must about bearable in a hotel where you can more easily separate off and do different things, but in a villa it sounds like hell to me.

[rookiemere]

Nothing to add to what's been said, apart from that your instincts are right.
Now a group holiday where your DCs have companions of their own age so they play merrily together and you can drink cocktails by the pool - that would be worth organising.

[BogRollBOGOF]

It depends on the holiday.

DB and I were the only u18s on a skiiing holiday (9 & 16) and the adults were all 40s-50s. We did sìmilar at 7/14 so they were clearly OK with a repeat. Everyone else was childfree or adult children.
Being a hotel and an activity based holiday with people split into different skill levels meant everyone had their own space anyway and it wasn't a drinking, lounging around type focus.

A villa is harder as there is less space.

9/14 are not the worst ages as there is lower supervision and it's a world away from a toddler. Restaurants don't need to be "child friendly" for that age group, but they're not compatible with heavy drinking, clubbing and heavy banter/ swearing.

[pictish]

No. I wouldn’t.

[WombatChocolate]

I would even ask them what they think. I wouldn't want to go with my kids. It would mean needing to do family things not adult things so ruin the point. It would also impact the others even if they said it didn't. Only someone with no real social-awareness would plan to take their kids on this kind of thing or genuinely say it will be okay.

If you want a family holiday - go on one.
If this was lots of adult memebers who were family it might be okay. A group of mates on an adult holiday though totally has it changed bybthebpresencenof children.

You're right Op.
Sometimes kids mean you just can't join in all the things you'd like to, esp if yours are a different age. People who can't accept this but think their kids can be fitted int everything are actually very self-absorbed.

It's irrelevant wither other people would enjoy a group holiday with 6 couples. That isn't the point of thread. I think OP's first reaction is right that it just won't work - don't even get into discussions about it and how it could be adapted to work - if you're not innthebplace right now to go on adults only hols, then that's just how it is. The time will come though.

[speakout]

Look on the bright side- you have the perfect excuse not to go.

Six couples on holiday together sounds like a horror movie.

[theendoftheworldasweknowit]

I can't see it ending well if you do go.

Would staying nearby and meeting up with them work? Even then, you and your OH would have to take it in turns going out solo, as one of you would have to look after the kids. If the friends are really more his friends than your friends, that's you looking after the kids a lot.

However, given how close you are, you might enjoy some quality mum time with the kids. Hard to say - even if they're well-behaved generally, they might act differently abroad.

What about if your DH goes without you? Could you afford for you to have your own solo holiday with your friends too, and importantly, would you actually take that opportunity? This option only really works if you both actually have your own holidays that year as opposed to saying one of you will, and that never actually happening...

[BadLad]

From reading previous threads about group holidays, if you do go there's probably going to be a lot of arguing over splitting the cost of the villa and the food and drinks.

[Cadfaelfan]

As others say, it would completely change the dynamic. If I was one of the other adult couples expecting to go on an adult-only holiday I wouldn't say your children 'couldn't' come - I wouldn't want to be the bad guy but I would find a police excuse to drop out .

[Shinebright72]

I think there’s not much point in going along with your DH friends also 10 years older than yourself is a lot.

You might as well just go on your own family holiday.

[WendyHoused]

I agree, it changes the dynamic too much, the kids will get bored and it is a lose-lose situation.

[1forAll74]

Would be a no children thing for me too. But would not like a villa holiday with all those many people either.

[StaffAssociationRepresentative]

Cost split will the killer as you will be classified as 4 for dividing up the cost of accommodation and food.

[Mostpeculiar]

The thought of second guessing trying to please 10 adults urgh nightmare they’d like to think they’re accommodating enough to include your kids but they’ll not be so
You’ve got an excuse for a lucky escape!

[CJSmith2019]

@wendywoopywoo222

Six couples in one villa is a recipe for disaster. However if I could book my own villa and holiday with freinds ( who didn't want to do everything together) I wouldn't have a problem with some couples having kids with them.

Something like this, yes. Otherwise, no. It wouldn't be much fun for anyone, imo.

[Dillydallyingthrough]

OP I would do what you are suggesting just bow out it does change the group dynamic. At that age they wont need lots of care but still need to be kept an eye on.

My friend always brings her DD to adult only meals (shes 13/14) and it is so frustrating. She thinks as her DD can hold a conversation with adults it's ok, it's really not as adults we dont want to talk about superficial topics with her DD. Dont get me wrong I have a DD the same age and love her to be bits but she would change the dynamic so I dont take her. The last time we went my other friend was leaving an abusive relationship and was the first time she had been out in a while. It was awful she wanted to talk about the abuse and the pain she was going through but couldn't as there was a child there. My other friend just didn't register it was inappropriate for DD to be there. They've dropped off since, we invited her to the next one but was gently told not be bring her DD, she became very defensive and said her DD was almost an adult- everyone just dropped out 1 by 1. We have taken to organising meet ups at over 18 places, which isn't ideal.

[Bertucci]

God no. That would ruin the holiday for me.

[geekatheart]

I don't think I'd would take mine on an adult's trip tbh. I've done multi family holidays in a large villa and it's worked really well but mainly because all the kids were similar ages (or at least in the same ball park) so we were all having to think of kid friendly places, putting them to bed, kid friendly activities.. and of course the fact that you can never finish a conversation before you have to get up and see to something lol. But we were all in the same boat and would watch another family's kids for a couple hours whilst the parents had a bit of kid-free time/lunch/shopping etc. I don't think I'd want to be the only one with kids... and I wouldn't want to leave mine at home for ten days either xx