Kids on adult holiday!

[barbadosbound]

Name changed for this as it's a bit outing!

So dh is 10 years older than me which means his group of friends are all older and therefore their kids are older!

Dh has just spoken to one of his friends and they are organising a big holiday for early 2022 in a villa and have invited us to go along with 5 other couples. Dh has said that we would love to but wouldn't be able to leave the kids behind (they will be 9 & 14), we don't have anyone to leave them with and judge me or not but I wouldn't want to leave them for 10 days. We just about get a babysitter for a night out!!

His mate said he is sure it's fine to take them but will ask the rest of the group but aibu to just say no now?

6 couples no kids and we want to throw an 9 and 14 year old into the mix? Surely they will now feel obliged to say yes but secretly they will all be a bit pissed off that we are changing the whole dynamic of their amazing holiday?

Would you be pissed off at two kids coming along? Would it not turn it into a very different holiday?!

So aibu to say no even if they say it's fine? Dh says if they say yes then we should go...

[StCharlotte]

@BadLad

From reading previous threads about group holidays, if you do go there's probably going to be a lot of arguing over splitting the cost of the villa and the food and drinks.

Oh yes. The price per couple has always been fixed (and paid by us) prior to the children (and last minute adult guests) being "invited" and we've never had a reduction. Pretty sure we've subsidised a fair few extra bodies over the years. We still keep going though

[emmathedilemma]

I wouldn't take them or want them to go if I was one of the other adults but could you maybe go to the same area at the same time and just meet up with them for dinner or a couple of activities instead?

[TheStuffedPenguin]

We have friends who insist on bringing their 12 year old to dinner when we go out . It's a PITA - it immediately affects conversation . Couldn't stand that on a holiday .

[Crockodoodle]

@umberellaonesie agree, I'm not a fan of adult children either, my friends are different when they are around and I'm not interested in them.

[Doggodogington]

It wouldn’t bother me, 9 & 14 yos are pretty easy, it’s not like they are needy toddlers. If it was a choice between having my friends come with children or my friends not come at all I’d chose the latter. It’s not like I’d be having to make them food, entertain or parent them. I love my friends and I am fond of their children. I’d have no issue.

[WhentheRabbitsWentWild]

I was going to say YABU until I read the thread

I now think that you are a considerate person .

[Sailingblue]

Back in the day when I was still child free. I shared a villa holiday once with a couple that had 8m old twins and another couple with a toddler. It was awful. Obviously yours are much older but it just sounds like it will be rubbish for your children and your friends unless you’ve got very easy going children and everyone is happy for you to do your own thing with the kids.

[sugarbum]

I have a 10 and 13 year old. No way would I take them on a couples holiday. It entirely changes the dynamic and your husband is clueless if he thinks otherwise. I swear like a trooper when I'm with my friends. I bloody love a good swear. I certainly don't do that with children around, mine or otherwise, and that small thing would get on my tits. Its unfair on the kids and its unfair on everyone else.

[MarinePsychiatrist]

It wouldn’t bother me, 9 & 14 yos are pretty easy, it’s not like they are needy toddlers. If it was a choice between having my friends come with children or my friends not come at all I’d chose the latter. It’s not like I’d be having to make them food, entertain or parent them. I love my friends and I am fond of their children. I’d have no issue

I think you meant you'd choose the former

As would I.

[Happynow001]

So aibu to say no even if they say it's fine? Dh says if they say yes then we should go...
Is that because he really wants to go and you'll be the one caring for the children?

[FreeFromDinoMeat]

I agree with you OP. It would totally change the holiday for me if someone brought their kids along. No thank you.

We've had similar in the past where we've arranged to do X or Y and someone drops in at the last minute that they'll have to bring their kids. Everyone is too polite to say anything but 'sure no problem' but you know we've all just done a collective 'for Godsake' and an eye roll when the message came through.

[Rainycloudyday]

No way, and you can’t possibly rely that any answer they give will be honest. I would really struggle to say no if I was the friends but I would 100% not want kids there and probably wouldn’t go anymore. I don’t think you can put them in the position of asking.

You could perhaps say no, we would have loved to but unfortunately can’t leave the kids and that gives the friends the opportunity to say ‘bring them!’ If they don’t, which I suspect they won’t, you have your answer.

[midnightstar66]

No, like you say they will probably feel like they need to say yes out of politeness but dc wound totally change the dynamic. You'd probably enjoy a family only holiday better anyway

[Autumnsloth]

I love kids and wouldn't be happy with this. Why not join for 2/3 days if possible?

[AnimalCrossing]

Wouldn’t bother me, their older kids fro a start and second of all not my kids not my responsibility is it.

[Lulu1919]

I would not like it
I'd have to think about the conversations / jokes etc
Kids scream and splash a lot
The whinge....even lovely ones
If I was going in an adult holiday without my kids I would t want someone else's there
Sorry

[sHREDDIES19]

It really wouldn’t bother me as I wouldn’t be looking after or entertaining them!

[DilemmaADay]

@Devlesko Yes because its immature for anyone over the age of 30 to have friends they enjoy spending time away with.... They must spend all their time inside knitting in their rocking chair to reduce the chance of them becoming overgrown teenagers

[Devlesko]

Dilemma

Not at all but 10 days leave for an adult holiday doesn't leave much time for a family holiday.
Nothing about kitting, I presume they both work and only get so much leave.
Adult holidays great if you are able to do the same for the family, hence not being likely to want an 18 - 30 holiday, due to time/ and family commitments.

[SchrodingersImmigrant]

That leaves what. 18 days of leave? Minimum? That's still plenty.

[FreeFromDinoMeat]

@sHREDDIES19

It really wouldn’t bother me as I wouldn’t be looking after or entertaining them!

It wouldn't be about me not looking after them. It would change the dynamic of the conversations, the kids would want to do child activities which the rest of the group probably don't want to do.

I mean of course the parents can go off and take their children to do those by themselves, or they can go back to the room early when the kids need to go to bed, but then what's the point of even going? You may as well just go on a family holiday.

And you may not be expected to look after them but you'd still be expected to entertain them with conversation and activities.

It's not an adult holiday with a 9 and 14 year old in toe.

[FreeFromDinoMeat]

I know my kids would get really bored of being with adults, and sitting listening to adults talk etc for 10 days. They'd want to go to water parks or the like. A bunch of adults aren't going to want to be dragged round a water park or wait for 20 mins whilst the kids go on the trampolines or go karts.

I'd feel like I had to keep my kids entertained separately and let my friends get on with their own stuff so they weren't constantly having to watch their conversation or do 'kid' things they didn't want to do.

So as I say, I'd think I may as well have just taken my kids on a family holiday and let my friends crack on with their childfree one.

Kids aren't going to sit there not complaining about a 'boring' adult holiday for ten days.

[Devlesko]

That leaves what. 18 days of leave? Minimum? That's still plenty.

Eh? 8 days surely. They'd need to spend the same time with their family, and make sure work would allow all these weeks over summer.
That would leave 8 days for the rest of the year, Easter, xmas.
Not sure I could have done this to my family time, but each to their own.

[Goosefoot]

It wouldn't bother me, I think it' be easy enough to accomodate and maybe be a good excuse not to spend every moment with 8 other people. But a lot of people would be bothered. In a way it's too bad taking them was suggested as it puts everyone in an awkward position.

Something I would seriously consider though is going and sending the kids to camp or something like that. Nine and 14 is plenty old enough to be thrilled at the idea of 10 days at sleep away camp.

[MarinePsychiatrist]

It wouldn't be about me not looking after them. It would change the dynamic of the conversations, the kids would want to do child activities which the rest of the group probably don't want to do

I mean of course the parents can go off and take their children to do those by themselves, or they can go back to the room early when the kids need to go to bed, but then what's the point of even going? You may as well just go on a family holiday

Still wouldn't bother me. I'm not THAT different around kids of that age than I am without them. And both are old enough to entertain themselves in the evening and go to bed without fuss, so we'd still all be able to have evenings with nice food and wine and adult conversation, etc. Day times on adult holidays are usually more of a mix of different people doing different things anyway, that's no issue.

Key point is if it was a good friend of mine, I'd much rather have them and their kids than them not come at all.