Kids on adult holiday!

[barbadosbound]

Name changed for this as it's a bit outing!

So dh is 10 years older than me which means his group of friends are all older and therefore their kids are older!

Dh has just spoken to one of his friends and they are organising a big holiday for early 2022 in a villa and have invited us to go along with 5 other couples. Dh has said that we would love to but wouldn't be able to leave the kids behind (they will be 9 & 14), we don't have anyone to leave them with and judge me or not but I wouldn't want to leave them for 10 days. We just about get a babysitter for a night out!!

His mate said he is sure it's fine to take them but will ask the rest of the group but aibu to just say no now?

6 couples no kids and we want to throw an 9 and 14 year old into the mix? Surely they will now feel obliged to say yes but secretly they will all be a bit pissed off that we are changing the whole dynamic of their amazing holiday?

Would you be pissed off at two kids coming along? Would it not turn it into a very different holiday?!

So aibu to say no even if they say it's fine? Dh says if they say yes then we should go...

[SockYarn]

Also it doesn't matter whether you personally would or would not enjoy a couples holiday. That is not what's being debated.

It's whether having kids added to the group would change the dynamic.

[heartsonacake]

You shouldn’t go with the kids. It will change the entire dynamic of the holiday and nobody will want them there.

[theemmadilemma]

No, because even really lovely, well behaved kids, will essentially end up being the focus of everything while they're awake.

[crazychemist]

I would just give this one a miss, tbh. If people are organising an "adult only holiday" then they won't want to be doing stuff that your 9 year old will want to do, so your kids will have a boring holiday. And the adults (even if they say they don't mind) are very likely to mind if it cramps their style (which it will, you know it will).

Go in a couple of years. It's tricky when you're at a slightly different stage than friends, but personally I wouldn't want to be the exception that someone is bound to resent.

[Lockdownhairdontcare]

I would encourage husband to bow out gracefully. A 14yr old could go either way... retreat to room, phone etc or something hunk they are a grown up and look to join in. A 9yr old will want to play etc .

[PrincessConsuelaVaginaHammock]

Of the ten other individuals involved, I'd say it's a safe bet that at least one of them would be pissed off enough at the request for me to not want to raise the issue.

[Lipz]

When you're in the situation of having children it can be difficult to see the issue of them going. However you do seem to be understanding op.

I've been on both sides. Had friends who had kids, we'd none, we couldn't understand them bringing the kids on adult breaks. Then we had kids and then understood it's difficult to get childcare and of course I thought my kids were the best kids ever and I wanted to bring mine, but friends kids had grown up and they didn't want younger children on adult breaks.

Once kids join a group everything changes. Other people going will say they won't get involved with the kids and you'll be solely responsible, but they will end up getting involved, they'll end up in the pool with them etc

You'll be watching to make sure things are suitable for your kids, days out..... Can your kids do it or will you have to go off alone with them. Restaurants.... Are they child friendly.. Will the group have to go elsewhere if not child friendly or will you have to take the kids somewhere else. Bars... Will kids be allowed, will the group feel they have to sit in with you in the villa or will they go do their own thing leaving you alone again. Adult drinking and adult talk.... You'll be watching what you drink and say, you'll be watching others, there be no proper relaxing.

We do breaks with our own friends now the kids are grown, they are completely different, you can 100% relax without kids. If it were me, I'd tell dh to go for the last week. Then maybe arrange a family holiday yourselves that the kids and you will enjoy.

[Aesopfable]

If you did go, you might well find yourself entertaining the kids on your own while DH went off with his friends.

[Beautiful3]

Sorry but I wouldnt want children there.

[Heartlake]

Either:

You and DH go for a couple of days, stay in separate accommodation nearby, you'll have a blast

Or

Don't go

Personally I'd try to go at least for a few days. Adult friendships need shared experience to survive and thrive!

[AryaStarkWolf]

Honestly I wouldn't like it if I were going off on an adults only trip

[umberellaonesie]

I hate when my friends bring their adult kids to stuff never mind young teens. It really changes the dynamic.

[habibihabibi]

I wouldn't mind if someone else's children were there providing their parents parented . Presumably everyone would have their own rooms and the kids can retreat to gaming in the evenings.
If you have dinner out you can always get the kids a pizza and the 14 yr old can babysit the younger one.

[AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken]

I’d never invite people on holiday and expect them to leave their kids behind. Your kids will be old enough to entertain themselves when you get there. If you want to go, go.

[StCharlotte]

We've done several of these big "couples" holidays over the last decade and invariably someone brings their kids. Sometimes it's okay and sometimes it's a PITA (like last time when there were no other kids in the same age bracket to entertain an only child and it seemed to get left to the "group").

The older ones, about 14 and 16 now, (who've always come along) are now old enough to make and bring us cocktails by the pool - so not a total loss .

Oh and there was one year when there was a toddler. The bedrooms were on the ground floor and the kitchen and dining room on the upper floor. Which meant we were woken up EVERY morning at 6.30am by the toddler, well, toddling up and down the whole length of the upstairs. In hobnail boots by the sound of it.

I think you're right OP. Bow out gracefully now

[Jaxhog]

They may well say yes. But you know what will happen? They and your DH will swan off, leaving you with the kids. All day and all night. YOur kids will get to see a bunch of randy, drunk adults behaving badly. Including your DH. By the end of the holiday, they'll be avoiding you (not your DH) and you'll be exhausted.

[Tootsie321]

If it is early in the year won’t your children be at school? If I was planning an adult only holiday I certainly wouldn’t be planning to have it during school holidays, I’d be planning during term time, so there wouldn’t be as many children about and the holiday would also be less expensive!

[TooExtraImmatureCheddar]

Don’t take the kids! Couldn’t they stay at grandparents for a fortnight? Kids that age aren’t hard graft for grandparents.

[mindutopia]

I couldn't imagine asking my friends with kids to magically make their kids disappear for a 10 day holiday with me. We were the first in our friend group to have dc so we always brought ours along (tbf, we've never gone on a 10 day holiday, even with our dc! I mean on like a weekend away with couple friends). But it was never the assumption that ours wouldn't come. They were planned into room layouts, etc. Because we truly have no one who could have them even for an overnight, let alone for nearly 2 weeks. Now all our friends are having small dc and I wouldn't assume they would be able to leave them either.

But I would also feel fine just one of us going on our own and leaving the other home with the dc. Maybe not for 10 days! We don't take 10 day holidays together let alone with friends by ourselves. But if it's not going to be realistic with kids, then just one of you could go alone for 4-5 days. Dh and I often take separate holidays because we want adult time and have no family help.

[ComeBy]

It won't work for anyone.

The kids will be sharing you with all your adult friends on their family holiday, but without the 'payoff' of having friends their own age also on the holiday.

Group evening meals out won't work - not with a 9 year old. You will feel constrained by parent-duties etc.

Changes the dynamic for other guests.

Your DH will have a ball with his mates and you will be doing family things with your kids. Betcha! Or else he and / or you will constantly feel left out of adult-orientated activities.

Stick to your family holiday or go with friends with similar aged kids.

[Lindy2]

I loath group holidays. I'd use my kids as a reason not to have to go even if the rest of the group said they could come.

None of them really want them there. If they say yes they are just being polite. I doubt your kids will enjoy holidaying with a group of adults either.

[wildcherries]

I'd just bow not now for all the reasons already mentioned. Or send DH if he wants to go. But I also wouldn't want to go on holiday with five other couples, if I'm honest.

[MarinePsychiatrist]

It wouldn't really bother me. So I think it's wrong for any of us to say they DEFINITELY won't want it and will DEFINITELY only say it's ok out of politeness.

Having said that, if I was close enough to go on holiday with a group of people, I'd also be close enough to ask for honest responses on whether it's ok, and honest enough if I was in their shoes to say whether or not it was.

Among friends, you should be able to be straight up, especially when you're talking about spending a load of money. Kind of sad if you can't be.

[MollieMaeve]

If I was on an adults only holiday I wouldn’t even want to sit and have meals with someone else’s kids to be honest. It totally changes the atmosphere.

I love kids (not just my own!) and have spent many happy holidays with friends’ kids but not on a trip that has been planned as adults only.

[anothermansmother]

I'd be pissed off ( and I have kids that age). We did an adult weekend away a couple of years back ( my parents took my kids to Disney) and only one person brought her dc and it changed the dynamic. Also meant having to stay in more, watch what you say etc.
Don't do it.